It's 8:46pm and I am scrunched beneath my covers, watching The Nightmare Before Christmas on my laptop, hot chocolate in hand in a desperate attempt to feel more festive. I've even strung fairy lights around my windows, still feeling too glum to actually place them on my tree.

Jack Skellington is singing about being misunderstood and tired and I can't help but mutter 'same' under my breath. It's a very relatable film. I ponder the deeper meaning of the characters and idly readjust my glasses, contemplating whether each character represents an inner malady. The mayor is classic split personality.

It's just getting to the good part (Jack singing 'What's This?', obviously) when there's a knock at my door. I groan and decide that I'm ignoring it, far too invested in the film to care.

The knocking becomes more incessant and I sigh, glaring towards it as I pause the film.

I walk purposely slow, dragging out the inevitable and open the door.

Sam is stood in front of me, holding armfuls of very poorly wrapped parcels and beaming in delight. He's even wearing his ugly little elf sweater. Sam's gaze wanders over my bare chest, my sweatpants hung low on my hips and he looks away awkwardly.

I'm more concerned about the present precariously balanced next to his left ear, which is slipping further with each second. I dart out and catch it, just as Sam curses. I hold it up and glance at his face again, my entire body radiating confusion.

"Uh?"

"Merry Christmas Eve, Elias!" He exclaims chirpily, barging past me and dumping the presents below my pitiful tree.

I watch him, absolutely bewildered and slowly close the door. I watch him disappear into my room, reappearing seconds later with my duvet wrapped around his shoulders, my laptop in one hand and my mug of hot chocolate in the other. He plonks himself down onto my sofa and takes a sip.

He glances over his shoulder and raises an eyebrow.

"You gonna stand there all night?" He asks and I shake my head slowly, meandering over to my room and pulling on a shirt before joining him.

"What are you doing?" I ask, suddenly finding my voice as I sit down and Sam shrugs. I give him a bland look and he exhales dramatically, throwing his arms up in defeat.

"Okay, king-of-shrugs, how come you can get away with it and I can't?" He demands, sounding remarkably like his old self and my mouth quirks up into a half smile as I shrug my shoulders.

He groans in exasperation and glares at me. He looks down suddenly, his expression changing like lightening and he appears smaller now, almost apologetic.

"Alright, I owe you an apology. I've been a real tit recently and just an awful friend and you don't deserve that." He states, still looking at the mug in his hands.

"It's alright." I say easily, happy to have him back, but his head shoots up, a frown crushing his features.

"No, it's not. You deserve more than that. You deserve a lot more." He says firmly and I just nod.

He watches my face for a moment before nodding to himself and exhaling, somewhat shakily.

"I really hate Christmas, Eli, I always have. My dad promised he'd be back on Christmas Eve, that he had the best surprise for me and then he never fucking came back. I know it's a stupid reason to hate something, especially since you lost your mum around Christmas. You still love Christmas, so I should too, right?" He explains, frowning to himself and I shake my head easily.

"It's different for different people. We all process grief differently. You associated yours with the holidays, I didn't." I say, matter-of-factly and he nods, his gaze seeming very far away. I've known about the situation with Sam's dad for years now, but it doesn't make it any easier to comfort him.

"I'm not sad anymore, not really. Just angry; he should never have made empty promises, especially to a kid." He exclaims and I nod. He shouldn't have, Sam was only 7 when it happened and I can't help but empathise with Sam's anger. I'd be furious.

"I know you were trying to make the other day special, with the market and the skating and shit but it just made me angrier, seeing everyone else so happy." He admits and I shrug.

"It's ok, you don't have to like Christmas. In all honestly, I just didn't want to all of the festive stuff alone again." I state, pushing my glasses back into place and Sam looks over at me, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly ajar. He looks sad.

"Oh." He says simply, looking away again. He clears his throat and folds his hands together twice before he speaks again.

"Well, I'm always so frustrated this time of year and I didn't really feel up to seeing anyone when I felt so angry all the time and oh...I'm sorry about not telling you about hockey practise, that was genuinely a mistake." He says, suddenly remembering and I find I'm not surprised.

"And then," He breathes, continuing on quickly with his apology. "Those dicks from the team cornered me in the locker room. I don't know how you do it, Elias, but I think you're my guardian angel. You have really impeccable timing when it comes to saving my arse." He remarks and I frown.

"I disagree." I mumble, remembering how many times I've been just a fraction too late to save him from being hurt.

"Anyway, they were being jerks on the ice and I shouldn't have retaliated. They tackled me but I didn't expect a gathering in the changing room." He says grimly, ignoring my interruption.

"They called me...well they said some vulgar things, most of which being homosexual slurs, and they threw me around a bit and then you turned up and well, afterwards I felt so embarrassed that you'd had to see that. I didn't want to add wood to the fire so I avoided you and, well I avoided everyone."

"Why?" I ask curiously.

"Why what?" He says, glancing at me.

"Why would you be embarrassed?" I elaborate and Sam sighs, leaning his head into his palm.

"Come on, Eli. A grown man being beaten up is humiliating, and besides, they weren't exactly wrong about me." He says, murmuring the last part. My mouth quirks into a smile and I lean my head down, tilting it to look at him.

"Are you trying to come out to me?" I ask, finally meeting his shy gaze and he laughs, turning his head away from me. He shakes his head in his hands before sitting up, his anxious expression replaced with a tentative smile.

"Only you, Elias, could be so blunt." He remarks and I shrug.

"Well, are you?" I ask and he sighs but nods. I nod in response and Sam just stares at me.

"Is that it? I wasn't expecting much, but come on Elias! That's not even a reaction!" He cries, although his smile is wider now, his eyes crinkling.

"What? I mean, I don't want to say that I knew, but, you were never really interested in girls." I say and Sam rolls his eyes.

"I've never shown interest in boys either." He says smugly and I shrug.

"You could have been asexual, I tried not to make any assumptions. It didn't really matter to me anyway, you're still Sam." I state, as if it is the easiest thing in the world, and to me it is.

Sam smiles widely at me, as though I've said exactly what he was looking to hear. His arms twitch but he forces himself to sit back and I roll my eyes.

"Come here, you idiot." I mutter, dragging him into a hug and he responds eagerly, winding his arms around my torso. I rest my chin on his head and squeeze him back.

"I'm proud of you." I mumble, rubbing his back and he nods into my neck. I withdraw one arm and lean back into the sofa, bringing him with me and he turns slightly, retrieving his arms but remaining leant against me.

"So, what is this about." I ask, pointing to the jumble of mismatched, poorly wrapped presents beneath my tree.

"They're for you." Sam says airily, paying more attention to my stolen hot chocolate.

"What?" I ask quickly, attempting to count them and panicking when I realise that the number wanders above twenty.

"Well, you've gotten me a present every year for as long as I've known you, so I figured I should make it up to you." He says happily.

"Did you spend your entire student loan allowance for this semester?" I ask and he nods sheepishly. I curse under my breath and take a deep breath.

"You better get better at managing your money before we move in together or so help me Jesus, I will kick you out." I mutter and Sam swivels round excitedly.

"You still want to do that?!" He inquires urgently and I smile slightly.

"Of course."

He watches my expression for a moment, perhaps looking for a trace of deceit. He doesn't find any and subsequently beams at me.

"I'm sorry, about last night by the way." He says offhandedly, not looking at me now and I laugh.

"It was highly amusing." I admit and he folds his arms huffily.

"What'd I do?" He asks and I shake my head.

"Oh, come on Elias! Tell me!" He whines and I laugh.

"Only so I can see you blush." I relent and Sam blushes just at the mention of it, which has me laughing harder.

"Shut up, now tell me." He demands and I raise a brow.

"Those juxtapose each other." I state and Sam just gives me a look.

I think back to my memories of last night and decide that Sam would take them in entirely the wrong way. Contrary to popular belief, Sam doesn't have feelings for me. We're friends, we have been for so long, there's no way that he could. And besides, I would know if he did, right?

"You were dressed as Where's Wally." I begin, the underlying question lingering until Sam humours me.

"It was a fancy-dress party and I didn't want to buy a costume." He says simply and I laugh.

"You should have borrowed some of my stuff and just gone as me." I suggest and Sam's eyes widen considerably.

"Damn it! That would have been so easy!" He cries and I laugh.

"So, what else?" He asks eagerly.

"I found you slumped outside my door. It was quite creepy actually, don't do that again." I remark and Sam laughs, nodding.

"Noted, what else?"

"I carried you in. You said you missed me." I say softly and Sam squirms uncomfortably.

"I did miss you." He mumbles awkwardly and I laugh.

"I know, I helped you to dress in something more comfortable and put you to bed." I say and Sam nods.

"That's not so bad, you had me thinking it was terrible." He says and I hesitate, feeling bad for not telling him everything, and unfortunately, he notices.

"Eli? Elias? What is it? Oh God, what did I say?" He asks, already looking humiliated.

"It was nothing, you were drunk." I insist but he shakes his head. I sigh and finally relent to his pout.

"You asked 'do I take your breath away?'" I mumble and Sam's head crashes into his hands as he groans.

"That's so embarrassing!" He wails and I laugh heartily.

"Wait, what did you say back?" He asks, genuine curiosity alighting his face, although his cheeks are still delightfully pink.

"Nope, it's your fault you can't remember!" I tease, watching his face fall.

"No! Please Eli, please tell me?" He pleads and I tilt my head to the side, curious to see his reaction to my response.

"Frequently." I state and Sam tilts his head, clearly confused.

"Frequently what?" He asks and I roll my eyes.

"That's what I said back. Frequently." I say, watching him carefully.

Realisation dawns on him before he fully comprehends what I said. The clarity in his expression is very quickly overtaken by a deep, satisfying blush and he adverts his gaze, looking anywhere but me.

I laugh at this, overjoyed with how entertaining his reaction has been and he swats my arm in mock irritation.

"Shut up! Why aren't you blushing!?" He whines and I roll my eyes.

"There's no reason to." I say simply and Sam rolls his eyes, muttering 'typical' under his breath.

"Sometimes, I think you're nicer to drunk Sam than Sober Sam." He mumbles and I nod, pulling him back into our half hug position.

"Undoubtedly." I reply and Sam pinches my leg.

"You're not supposed to agree!" He states and I shrug.

"So, the rush this morning was to...buy presents?" I ask and Sam nods.

"Thanks for breakfast, by the way." He chirps and I nod dismissively.

"No problem, but why did you suddenly decide to buy presents?" I ask, still not grasping the thought process that he had followed.

"I woke up and I saw your tree, which is kind of pathetic by the way, and the presents and it resonated with me, just how awful a friend I've been. Plus, this is our first Christmas together, I wanted it to be perfect." He says and I frown at the tree comment.

"I didn't want to decorate it without you. Didn't feel right." I mumble and Sam sits up, peering at me.

"When were we supposed to decorate it?" He asks, frowning and I look down.

"That day we went to the market, it was meant to be a surprise." I admit and Sam looks guilt ridden.

"I'm so sorry, Elias. We can decorate it now though, right?" He asks and I nod fervently. I fetch the fairy lights from the window and hold them up with a grin.

Sam pulls the tinsel from a stray box and grimaces.

"It's so tacky...I love it!" He exclaims, eyes widening and flitting over to meet my gaze.

He moves to the tree and spots our ornaments. I had had our names engraved on them a week ago, in hopes that perhaps Sam would come around. He pulls his own off the tree and glances at me. I nod and he grins, picking up my own ornament and comparing them. He gently places them back onto the tree and we get to decorating it.

We put things on in the wrong order, Sam pokes me in the eye with the star and manages to tie knots in the tinsel and glitter completely coats the floor, but in the end, it's perfect. It's been assembled with love and laughter and even though it's a disaster, it's ours.

"It's perfect." Sam breathes. He's looking at our tree in wonder, whilst I on the other hand can't take my eyes off him and in that one moment, I can't decide whether he's speaking of the tree, or something entirely different.

Either way, I agree.