You stepped into Kylo Ren's lavatory, unexpecting of his nude presence. You had been in there several times before, but none of which involved the sinister man himself.

You were just there to drop off new towels, not catch your Commander soaking in the bath you had been ordered to draw for him. Despite being Ren's personal roomkeeper on the Supremacy, you very rarely saw him; and when you did, it was but a mere conversation, usually consiating of nothing but your new schedule or new requests from him.

But this was different.

You stepped in and almost had a heart attack when you spotted him, sitting still in the tub with his forearms rested on his bent knees, staring at absolutely nothing. Blood oozed from his shoulders, open cuts that you imagined to be from the Scavenger girl you had heard so much about. The wounds swept blood as it dripped into the probably cold waters, staining it with a reddish glow.

Surprisingly, the commander seemed completely numb to your presence, even though you knew he had heard you. Despite his back facing you, the sound of the door sliding open was not one you could miss.

"I-I'm so sorry, Commander" you stuttered, rushing to quickly place his fluffy towels on the countertop. "I had no idea you were. . .never mind. " you said, growing pink in the cheeks.

Again, to your surprise, your presense didn't seem to phase him. He didn't reply, only lifted his chin up as the only sound accompanying him was a single drop into the water; which you thought was a tear at first, but then forced yourself to believe that the mighty Kylo Ren didn't cry.

//

I'm almost positive that girl is some form of stupid.

She's quite lucky that she's beautiful, because if she were anything less; she would not have a job working for me.

I never see her, but I think it's fitting for the both of us. Especially today.

I made sure that Y/N was the one assigned to run the bath. She always bends the water to a perfect chill temperature, and I can never seem to get it just the same way. Something about the water is calming, and its certainly the only thing in my life that is.

Everything else is. . .simply torture. The life without human touch, and no sign of love or happiness anywhere on the ship. Its dreadful, and yet I love it.

I didn't expect my wounds to open again, and I think thats what startled Y/N. She has seen my skin before, and even tended to my hair a few times, but I suppose the blood put her off. I should have expected as much from a Slave to the First Order.

I hadn't noticed it, either. I was in a daze, so far out of my mind that I couldn't feel the scars reopening and pouring out blood. At this point, I had forced myself to become numb to any kind of emotion, any feeling. . .anything.

I don't think Y/N felt the same way.

When she came in the room, my heart almost stopped. I hadn't felt her presence before, at least not like this. I could hear every aching desire in her mind, every thought to ever cross it, and I felt her lingering pain so much that I felt as if I could feel her own heart beating in my chest.

She sent surges of old memories back to me, all of the emotions that I had forgotten alnost a decade ago- all of them returned. My mind and soul were overrun with pure emotion, and I could tell it was just from her presence.

Perhaps it was because I needed the touch of a human during times like this. I wanted to hear her voice, I wanted to see her laugh, I wanted to touch her and make her smile--

--and I hated myself for it.

And yet, I caught myself shedding a tear over it.

//

"Close these wounds" Kylo called as you had reentered his chambers at his calling for you. His hair was still wet and some of the blood was still tricking down his shoulders and onto the white towel he had wrapped around his waist

"Would you like me to call a Medical Droid, Commander?" You returned, sheepishly clipping your fingers together behind your back.

"No" he replied quickly "the droid will register my injuries. I don't want Snoke to know" he explained, "I want you to do it"

"I don't have any medical experience, I can't possibly--"

"I just need you to disenfect them and wrap them. I'm not asking for you to stitch them"

You took a sharp breath and motioned to the small single black leather chair he had in front of his small bed, telling him to sit down. Then you scurried to retrieve the only medical supplies you knew to use.

When you returned, Kylo had luckily kept hos towel wrapped around his waist, and was already sitting down in the chair you had prepared for him. Cautiously, you sat yourself behind him, right on the edge metal footing of his bed.

"They're too deep. . ." you began, looking over the widespread redness on his shoulders "I can't disinfect it"

"What can you do?" He asked

"Not much." You sighed "I can wrap them, but that's it. Anything else will cause an infection" you began, running your hand over his skin beside the wound and watching him flinch.

"Do what you have to do" he called, his voice shaky after touching him.

You began with a wet gauze, gently dabbing it over the redness and irritated skin. he barely even flinched. in fact, he seemed more afraid of your skin on his than the actual gauze itself.

The process continued for a little over a half hour, until his hair was dry and he finally became bored from his deep thought

"Speak to me" he demanded in a churlish way, just as you were finishing covering the wound with medical tape. He pushed your hand away and turned, taking the black chair with him

It was a mesmerising sight. Kylo Ren, shirtless with little beads of water still built up on his shoulders, his elbows leaned against his thighs as he stared at you. You were quick to realize that your breath had been taken away.

"Speak to you?" You said uneasily, but surprisigly more confident than you had expected

He sighed and looked away, one hand running through his long hair "Yes. I want you to talk to me"

You stared blankly, misunderstanding everything. He wanted you have a conversation with you? His maid?

You forced yourself to understand that Kylo was most likely a very lonely man. He probably hadn't had a real conversation with somebody since he left home.

Stsring st him in awe, you narrowed your eyes. "What would you like to talk about?" You complied

"Tell me why you fear me"

This hit close to your heart. How were you supposed to tell the most ruthless man in the galaxy why he was intimidating? Would he not kill you? Get angry and throw you off the ship? Enslave you?

You had to answer him, though. You contemplated the question for a few moments before returning it.

"I don't fear you." You decided, watching hin flinch "but you are like the purple bark of the Yavin forest tree" you compared "You are dangerous; and for that I keep a respectful distance. But you have never done anything to make me fear you"

He licked his lips and nodded unsuspecting, taking all of your words in sacredly.

The red mark on his face was beginning to dry now, but you could tell it was going to scar. You didn't care about that now, though. This was an intimate time.

"Can I ask you something else?"

You gave him a eelcoming smile, happy that he was opening up to you but also slightly scared of saying the wrong thing.

"Am I a Monster?"

His eyes were glossy. You knew he was raw.

"No" the word spilt out effortlessly, and you continued without thinking "you are not a monster. You are confused." You explained, feeling a tugging sensation at the front of your temple, as if thoughts were being dragged across the surface of your mind and out your mouth.

"I know that feeling too. I don't know from where, but I know it all too well." You recalled "you are not a monster. You a beautiful man who has made mistakes.'

"You find me beautiful" he said deeply, his face tilting forward as if he had not heard a single other word than that

"Well, I--" you shook your head, stumbling on your words until you finally sighed and chuckled softly, somehow feeling completely vunerable to him. "I guess I did say that"

You watched the edges of his mouth curve into a slight smile, but not completely. The action was such a foreigh concept to him, since he hadn't really smiled in years.

Imagine that you thought not smiling. Hm.

"Tell me more things" he consulted, changing the subject.

"What would you like to know?"

"Everything"

/////