Thats what Im feeling right now. I hear people coming in and out. I hear voices apologizing and asking me to get better. Im feeling hands gripping mine but I canat grip back.

My eyes feel like their is a weight on them and I cant wake up.

"Its been days. Why hasnt she woke up?" I heard someone say.

"Im not sure. She should of woken up by now. I think her body needed more rest then I expected." I head a man say. I think he is the doctor. "But all her vital are looking great and we have been seeing brain activity the last 24 hours so she might wake up today or tomorrow."

Im trying to wake up. I need to wake up. I cant stand this darkness anymore. Its making me feel like im there in that room again.

It was like no other day, we woke up playing games and coloring family pictures. My mom was going crazy, making sure I dont get my pretty dress dirty because it was my aunty wedding. It was a pretty wedding and I was hanging out with my nana, eating alot of nasty rich people food when all I wanted was some chicken nuggets.

We had to use the potty and so my nana took us to the girls bathroom. Oliver and Kevion didnt want to go but nana made them anyways.

Once we were done and we were washing our hands, these men came in and kidnapped us. But not before my brothers try to beat them up. They hurt my nana and she was laying on the ground in blood. They hit her in the head with a gun.

The guys threw us through the small window and we were catched by someone else and taken to a car. The men were scary but there was this one man that looked at me weird and kept rubbing my cheeks. He tried to get it to sit wit him but Oliver bit him. He told the man to not touch me.

I was crying for my mommy but she couldnt hear me. Oliver kept saying "Mommy and Daddy will find us. But you have to be a big girl Key and stop crying. I wont let these mean guys hurt you or Kev."

I knew I could trust him to make sure I was okay but it was where they took us which was scary.

It was an old house and there was alot of people there with guns. They carried us to a room upstair. Oliver was sleeping because the big mean guy they called boss hit him really hard.

Once we arrive to the room, they threw us on the bed. After a while and nobody came in, we all fell asleep, waiting for Oliver to wake up, make us tired.

After a while, I felt a hand on my leg. I woke up and seen the mean man that kepts rubbing my face. I tried to get up but he held me down and covered my mouth with his hand, telling me to be a good girl. I wanted to be a good girl because I didnt like when daddy and mommy were mad at me for being a bad girl.

He smiled at me and whisper somthing bad to me with his stinky breath. I moved his hand that wasnt coving my mouth under my dress. He touched where mommy told me, nobody is suppose to. I cried telling him to stop but he didnt. I wanted oliver to wake up and save me but he didnt. It hurt really bad and I didnt like it.

He kept going until he was done and left out the room. I sat up and pulled my legs to my chest and cried. I didnt like it and I wanted Oliver or Kevion to wake up. I moved in between them and layed. Holding Oliver close to me. I fell asleep and the next thing I know we are in a cabin waiting for mommy and daddy to find us.

I tried to wake up again, but when I tried to open my eyes, a bright light blinded me. I quickly closed my eyes to avoid the brightness.

After awhile I tried again but it was still bright. I raised my hand slowly, it hurt and I didn't know why.

"She's awake." I heard someone say. "Go get the doctor."

A couple minutes later I heard someone talking to me.

"Keyona? Can you talk?" He asked.

"Li-" I croaked out.

"What did you say?" He asked.

"L-Light." I croaked out again.

"Okay. Can one of you turn the light off please?"

"Sure." I heard a girl say, which I believe is Nova.

"Okay the lights off. Can you try and open your eyes again?"

I breath and open them slowly. It took me a few tries because it hurt. My eyes felt like I a weight was laying in them, keeping them up. But when I finally opened my eyes, it was a little blurry. I had to blink a few time to clear my vision.

I look around once I'm able to see and see Leo holding Nova and a older man in a white lab coat which I figured is the doctor.

"I'm Doctor Isaac King, How are you?"

"I-I'm F-Fine." I croak out. He nods his head and walks over to the sink that's in my room, grabs a cup by the sink and fills it up with water.

He comes over by my bed and presses a button.

"I'm going to lift your bed up so your in a sitting position, let me know when to stop, okay?" He said and I nod. He presses the button, lifting me up and when I started to feel sore in my stomach, I held my hand up, telling him that far enough. He stops and then hands me the cup.

I down it and then I give it back to him asking for more. He takes the cup and the next thing I know, someone is squeezing me and I wince.

"I'm so so so sorry. I should have been on time. It's all my fault! I'm so sorry Key!" She cried and I smack her.

"It's n-not y-your fault." I told her and she looked at me. I hugged her back and said it again. "It's n-not y-your fault."

I let her go and the doctor hands me the other cup and I drink every drop of that too.

"Now that your awake, I need to check your vitals and we need to talk about your surgery."

"Surgery?" I croaked out.

He turns towards Leo and Nova. "Can y'all give us a minute please?" He asked and they both nodded and walked out.

"So surgery?" I asked.

"Yes, so when you arrive, you were unconscious due to the lack of blood that was flowing in your body." He takes a deep breath and looks at me sympathetic.

"What are you telling me?" I asked him.

He looks at me, "The reason you lost so much blood was because you had a miscarriage." He said and my whole heart dropped.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." He said and I just looked at him.

"I was pregnant?" I asked in a whisper but I know he heard me because he just nodded at me.

"How long?" I asked.

He takes a deep breath, "Just a little over 16 weeks." He pulls out an envelope and hands it to me. I take it and look at him confused with tears in my eyes.

"We were able to do one last ultrasound, I didn't know if you wanted to see it or not so I just put it in there until your ready. Here are also some brochures about miscarriages." He hands me some and I don't take it.

"I was pregnant." I whispered. "I lost my child." I put my hand over my stomach and cried.

"When you came in, the baby was already deceased so we had to remove it or you would of died." He said. "Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. We also did not tell your family because this is something we have to talk to you able. It is your decision to let us tell them or not."

"NO." I said. I don't want them to know. I don't want nobody to know. They don't need to know that I killed my child. That I didn't even know I was pregnant and didn't take care of myself. I cried and cried to myself.

He sat there and let me cry. He rubbed circles on my back and I let him.

"There is also one more thing." I look up at him. "In that envelope, there is a piece of paper that tells you the sex of your baby." He says.

I look at him for a second. "Why do you keep saying your baby! I have no baby! It's dead!" I yelled at him quietly.

"Keyona, just because you lost the baby, doesn't mean you don't have one. It's difficult to deal with a loss you never met." He said.

"It's all my fault." I whispered.

"Look Keyona, you can do everything right, it sometimes things don't go the way you want, and that's not your fault."

"Then why does it hurt. Why do I feel I just miss this baby that I never knew?" I cried.

"Sometimes you are going to miss a person who was an almost to you, and feel sad because there is no name for that feeling. You just feel it in a way that makes you tired to your very bones." He said.

I cried and handed him the envelope. "Can you ready it for me?" I asked. He gave me a sad smile and nodded. He took the envelope and opened it. He smiled and pulled out both pictures. He handed me a little black and white picture. I smiled at it and ran my finger along the baby's tiny face.

They were beautiful. Their little nose and body. This was my child.

"Let me know when you are ready." He takes a deep breath. I nod my head, but still looking at the picture.

"It was a girl." He said quietly but loud enough for me to hear. I looked up quickly at him and he was smiling at me sadly.

"A girl?" I ask and he nods. I cried so hard. I was going to have a daughter. A beautiful little girl. A little girl that was made with a man who I thought cared about me. I was going to have Daunte De Luca's baby. I felt my heart begin to hurt more. I felt it drop to my stomach.

"I would like to be alone please. I don't want to see anyone." I said, while I lay on the bed, clenching the picture of my daughter to my chest and slip under the blanket.

A few moment later after I heard the door close, I cried for a long time. I didn't know what to do. I silent cried myself to sleep.

I woke up and looked around the room until my eyes land on the window. It's raining hard and it looks cold. I get up and walk to the window and sit on the couch that's right next to it. I pull my knees to my chest.

As I look out the window with the rain pouring, I see lightning. As I watch it continue I felt a thunderbolt that erupted in my body and the tears continued.

I wanted to be a mom. Maybe not right now but if I knew I was pregnant, I would of did everything right to make sure my child, my daughter, was happy. But I can't and I'm the only one to blame. Nobody else is to blame. I should of known. My periods were always off balanced and unschedule, I should of know when I never received it.

Life would of been perfect if I knew. I would of had my child.

.