The whole Soul Society had heavy hearts as the sweetest captain left the world.

No one talked to Toshiro

He was locked up in his room, snuggled into his blanket and softly crying to himself.

He missed her

He missed the one person that believed in him

He hated himself for being so rude to her

His white hair was the only part of him that could be seen. His zanpakto was sitting in the corner of the room.

Toshiro's

The last look, last sentence that came out of her mouth. The tears running down her face as she tried to reason me and of course, I put my work before anything.

"You don't believe me Hitsugaya-kun?" Her hands were gripping the bars of the cell and her eyes were full of tears and was slowly dripping down her face.

My eyes well of tears and I bury my face back into my pillow as her smile, her silly nature, her serious attitude when needed.

Toshiro's blamed himself for her disappearance, her tear face, and her rudeness. I slowly got up and pulled the covers off my slim body. The cool air hitting my chest as a shiver went up my spine.

I head to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My usual white spiky hair was down and dropped and my face had tear stained streaks down my cheeks. My eyes were pink and puffy from crying so much. I look down and see a razor on the sink and pick it up slowly.

You deserve this. It will feel better

Trust me

The voices inside my head pushed and pushed. I placed the small blades against my pale skin and made a large slash

Pain

Numb

I smiled and watched the blood drip to the ground. It felt like a peice of my pain went away.

Slash

Pain

Numb

Slash

Pain

Numb

Slash

Pain

Numb

Carving words in the arm took more practice but you can make out the words

"MY FAULT"

I dropped the razor and grabbed my zanpakto and winced a little. It hurt to pick up the metal as my arm was weak. I placed the sword into my sheath and wrapped my arm and hide it under my sleeve.

I slowly took the courage

To walk out those office doors

Back into

Reality