Days passed of me worrying, imagining every second of the terror that fills me, I had never had a week to process everything before it even happened. The shivers that felt me up in the wrong way, my hands shivered as I pulled for the comforter on a hot sunny night. Sweat built up on my forehead as I tried closing my eyes, I just wanted sleep but all that roamed my mind was how much it would burn, how much it would hurt.

I turned to the side as I felt a hand creep up to my side as I swatted it away. Nolan was fast asleep luckily. I opened my eyes widely and went to the kitchen, I couldn't face the darkness anymore. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured myself a glass of cold water, to wake me up. The clock read 5:00 am as I wiped my head furiously. I needed something to cool my mind, I crept back into the bedroom and changed into some leggings and a tank top, I wrote a note on the desk and took off on a run, just to feel better to feel clear.

The wind brushed my hair as I pushed forward, as I passed a mother holding her two children as they watched the morning ferries arrive. I grabbed my phone and saw messages from Nolan, I tucked my phone back in and continued on the search to find what would make me feel better and to save my fingernails, which had been gnawed off in my agony.

The sun glistened as I headed back to the penthouse, I hadn't figured out how to face my demons, I had cleared my mind in an act of desperation.

"Where the hell have you been?", I took the wired earbuds out of my ear as I saw Claire standing nearby and she was quickly dismissed and rushed out the door. I untied my shoes as he waited for an answer, with his hands thrown in a fit and a confused feeling lingering around him.

"I wrote you a note", I told him as I took off the sweaty socks that stuck against my feet. He blocked me off as I went to the kitchen, his breathing hitched as his hands glided against me and I moved out of the way.

"A note. Are you serious? You said 'Running in Seattle' not so much of a note, I have had my people combing the streets for you, you didn't answer my calls or texts", he rambled on as I knew I had done him dirty. This was hurting him as much as me.

"I'm sorry", I spoke of little words, hushed and slouched with a glass of cold water in my hand trying to ignore his steady glance.

"Why'd you go running, you never used to run, is something going on?", he asked the question I was afraid of, why. Why, was something that scared me to pieces.

"I'm fine, I just had to clear my head?", I told him as he moved closer and held my hand softly, but it was just enough pressure to know that he was there.

"Are we okay?", he asked me as he played with the ring sitting on my ring finger as he slid it up and down, loosely. His finger brushed up against the gold band as I looked away.

"Yes", I told him, wanting him to know it was the truth, I just needed that day I dreaded to come. He kissed my forehead and went to wake up Leah. I stepped outside as the waves brushed against me softly, the skyline enhanced the view surrounded by trees of luscious green.

I went back inside as Leah sat at the table dragging her blanket behind her as Nolan fried an egg. The sweet girl came up and hugged me softly as her hair brushed against my shoulder as I reached down.

"I get to see my mommy, today", she said as she sounded so ecstatic, so excited to see a person who was with her through everything. A tear slipped from my eye as I kissed her forehead and went to the bathroom as I felt a rush of overwhelming feelings.

My period had come, and would only make me feel worse through the days. I hadn't had my period all these months, simply because I had been malnourished. I ate food when I needed too, it may have been scraped from the restaurant or a dish that was sent back. I missed that touch of womanhood, but not the cramps, nausea, and fatigue that came with it.

"Natalie, you okay?", a knock came from the door as I bent over the toilet as my stomach felt the pounding of my cramps and my legs aching for that unnecessary run.

"Natalie", he asked as he busted the door down as he heard me hurl, my mind had been so loud that I had forgotten to take care of myself.

He held back my hair as I threw up the water I had consumed, he brushed my hair threw his fingers as I rested my head on his leg.

"Should I call the doctor?", he asked as I rested against his leg and he held my hair away from the yellow vomit.

"No, I'm on my period", I told him as he carried me to the room and tucked me into the bed. He stayed with me as I held onto him.

"Funny story, I have no clue what a period is", Nolan said as I lauded against his chest and I think he wanted me to give him a run down.

"What'd you do skip out of sex-ed?", I asked him as he kissed my cheek softly and played with my hair as he ran his fingers through each lock.

"All I knew was I needed condoms and those classes were always a bore", he explained as he waited for me to explain to him the reproductive system.

"Fine, every month I bleed from the place you love talking about. and if you were to fill me up as people say then I could get pregnant, and for future references, if I miss my period then I could be pregnant, but there are also other reasons", he looked stunned as I told him how much cramps hurt.

"Do you want me to stay home with you?" he asked me politely and he batted his eyes as if he wanted too.

"I'm not a bitchy girlfriend, I can handle my own", I explained as I remembered how much boys loved to be reminded of how much girls need them.

"You're right, but you're my wife not a bitchy girlfriend", he explained as he began getting dressed and I had noticed as I looked in the tv mirror the bright smile that had been spread along my face ever since he came to sit with me. After some time, Leah came and sat with me as we watched reality tv shoes on repeat.

The doorbell rang and Leah jumped it of bed and ran downstairs as she begged me to open the door, I ran after her. I opened the door as I truly saw how much Leah had missed her mom.

"Natalie, great to see you", she hugged me softly as I saw the beach glow that glistened on her and Clay's sun-kissed skin.

"How was the trip?", as Leah hung onto her mom tightly and I hoped that nothing would ever break their bond.

"It was amazing, we spent every minute in bed, on our private beach on a bed and the hot tub", she said as she whispered so Leah couldn't hear as she sat on her dad's lap and listened to the adventures of the jungle.

"How does your son not know what a period is?", I asked her as she laughed madly.

"We sent him to his own sex ed class but he refused to learn. He said he couldn't imagine it like that, I'm guessing he finally learned.", she said as Leah begged them to head home, probably wanting to spend time in her own bed.

"We should get going, dinner at our place we have gifts we brought back", she said as Leah pulled her out of the house, and then it was just me with all of these thoughts.

2 days from now, I would be putting myself in danger to save the girl who I had never met, but meant the world. It scared me as the days became closer, the clock ticked faster and the scars I had tried to hide showed through.

My phone buzzed as I sat in my overflow of bubbles and warm water. I answered the phone hoping it was Nolan.

"Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?", he asked me as I separated the bubbles and listened to his calming voice serenade me.

"I'm in a bubble bath, oh I finished those documents you sent me from the meeting with the Dubai Directors", I told him as he listened to the static the bubbles created as they went up to the phone.

"Dubai has asked for me to show up, so I'll be gone, till tomorrow till the next day after that", he said smoothly as I knew he would be gone when I would make it to his office.

"We have dinner with your parents tonight", I told him as he asked me the basics of how I am, and then left abruptly for a business call.

The rest of the day I spent working on creating my first article for the university and as I published it I felt good about it.

Nolan finally came home after a long day and we got ready and left for dinner.

"We brought everyone a little back something", Alison cheered as we sat around the table eating takeout as she cracked open her suitcase ready to hand out the gems of the world.

"Now some of them may be a little much, but it's not me who picked out", she hinted as I saw Leah's eager face to get her gift.

Alison handed out jewelry and t-shirts to Leah and Avery, and finally, it was our turn.

She pulled out a belt and tie for Nolan and me a bracelet along with a dress.

"There's more, but, should we Clay?", she asked Clay as she seemed hesitant in showing it.

"Your mother is going to be railing you about it, not me", he said as he went back to showing the pictures of the jungle to Leah, she just couldn't get enough.

She pulled out a tiny shirt until I realized truly what it was.

"You bought us baby clothes", Nolan said annoyed, he had been tired of all the fuss about a baby, he just wanted to be free.

"It wasn't me it was your grandmother, you can talk to her about it", Nolan rolled his eyes as I accepted the gift and took it under my wing. My career wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, Nolan is making fifteen-thousand dollars every hour, we had time, but it was just him too prickly. I wanted a baby. Nolan left the house annoyed and fed up with this rush to have a baby.

"Everyone has gone too far with this baby thing", he explained as he set out on the highway and I saw the night slip away.

"It's not a bad idea my career isn't boosting off anytime soon, yours already did and we should vibe your grandparents a kid.", I explained as he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"They've convinced you too, huh. We're not even having sex, babies will ruin us. Listen I want to take you on a world tour, I want to take you to Paris and South Africa, babies don't fit. They just don't work later on it works not now, they're just in your head we decided on this in the beginning", he said as I nodded and went to sleep wanting to escape from his ways.

That next day he had spent the day getting briefed at work and I began packing for his trip knowing he would wait for the last moment. I checked over his itinerary to make sure everything was ready for him. His suitcase sat preached up against the wall and I glanced at the time nearing 12. I went to sleep on the couch remembering the days he wouldn't get back until later.

"I have to go", I felt a light kiss on my head and a hug softly as I looked out at the shadow of a man who left me behind in the dark. The loneliness sunk into me as the door shut, loudly. Today was a day I couldn't face alone, but I had too.