I said yes.

And I think it had something to do with how genuine he sounded when he told me he wanted me there at the carnival.

It messed with my head a little because I was standing in front my moms bedroom door now, standing with my high waisted shorts and cropped top and converses and curls up in two ponytails and I was horrified to leave her alone for an entire Saturday.

"Mom." I said slowly and she nods as she stirs in bed, changing her pillows side and I swallow, "Im going out with some-" Some what?

People?

"Friends..." I say dryly, hoping she didn't question me on why I'd hesitated. "I just wanted you to know i'll be home late but if you need me i'll be home immediat-"

"No, no honey go, I don't mind." She looks to me, opening her eyes and she forces a smile onto her pale skinned face, her cheekbones eerily prominent from how little weight she has on her face, "Really... some friends?"

I blink at that, not exactly knowing how to feel about this whole situation, "Yeah." We haven't really spoke about anything like this since I was a kid, of course she knew I was a quiet and more to myself someone, but she didn't seem shocked that I had friends, just happy.

She nods, "Okay."

I nod once back.

"You look pretty by the way, have fun."

Pretty.

I clear my throat, hoping it'd clear that word from my head. "Thank you, okay." I say, smiling weakly as I move back, turning around and walking down to the kitchen.

I quickly make her breakfast before I go back upstairs, leave it inside her room on the bed side table, and then I walk away.

I hope today is better for us mom.

===

When Karsen texts me saying that I should come outside I stand up and set my pants, making sure that the marks from my first painfully deep self harm incident were hidden over my high waisted shorts and when I saw it definitely was I breathed out.

And then I walked outside.

Locking the door behind me before walking to get in his car.

When im in and I sigh, leaning back on the seat, closing my eyes, relishing the a/c, that is of course until he tugs at a pigtail causing me to turn my head to him and I glare. "Don't touch me."

"Someones in a good mood." He says dryly and I roll my eyes. I buckle the seatbelt over my body before I speak to him again, "So wheres everyone else?"

"They're gonna meet us there."

I nod. "How long is the drive that I had to be ready before ten in the morning?" I ask when he puts the car into drive, however the hell stick works and he hums for a moment.

"An hour."

"Oh so not that ba-

He clears his throat, "And another hour onto that one hour."

I blink. "So two hours Karsen?"

He nods a fee nods, "Yep, that'd be it yes."

Im blatantly staring at him with a pissed off expression which he doesn't seem to take note of for a little while till he looks to me and rolls his eyes, "What? Im pretty bearable."

Uhhh. "No, you're not."

He raises a brow. "I got you tea and a cookie."

My lips twitch up. "Where?"

He grins over at me before he points to the backseat and I turn around, unbuckling my seatbelt, moving between the seats and grabbing the packet with the cookie before I grabbed the large tea and sat back down on the seat with a smile on my face.

"Maybe you are a little bearable." I tell him jokingly, watching as his lips twitch up into that familiar mischievous smile. "I know."

I roll my eyes, eating a piece of the cooking and drinking a sip of tea as I look around mindlessly, that is until my eyes land on the cup holders when I go to put my tea down in it.

And I see a cigarettes pack.

I raise a brow, and before I can stop myself I ask, "Do you smoke?"

I look up to him and away from the cigarettes and he blinks, looking to me too, "What?"

"Do you smoke cigarettes?"

He blinks again, "H-how-"

I point to the cigarettes in the cupholder and he looks to it before he groans softly, grabbing the cigarettes before dumping it into the center console away from my sight.

But it was too late, because I already saw it.

"Not compulsively." He explains but I wasn't judging him, it was just a question, "Just when I need to."

I nod in understanding, "I get it." I tell him, knowing he probably didn't want anyone to know he smokes because his aim is to be a professional athlete and well, lunge, smoking, yeah.

"What position are you?" I question.

"Wide receiver."

"Does it require a lot of running?"

He hesitates before he nods, a pause again before he for some reason feels like he should explain himself further. "Its either nicotine or caffeine, nicotine calms me but fucks my lungs and caffeine makes me all agitated and shit but its better than hurting my future in the present, but theres only so much caffeine I can pump into me before I like, fucking go haywire."

My lips turn down into a slight frown.

Golden boy isn't so golden huh? I guess everyone indeed does have their own problems.

"Its probably hard to deal with this alone." I think out loud, "Do you talk to someone?"

"My moms a psychologist, I see a therapist in the same hospital she works in."

I smile, a weight suddenly lifted from my chest, "I hope it gets better soon, i'd say I'm sorry but I know it won't help, but maybe you need to hear it so I'm sorry, take it or not."

His lips quirk up at the ends, "I'll take it."

I smile at that, looking out the window and leaning back against the seat, once again relishing the a/c.

===

When we get there the earlier heaviness of speaking about the connection to cigarettes, caffeine and his anxiety has diminished.

He's back to being Karsen Krist, the same Karsen who I found annoying, talkative and awfully charming as he gets out and around the car to open my door for me.

I get out the car and he tugs at my pigtails causing me to grab them from him and turn around sending him an annoyed look but his expression is anything but remorseful, "Sorry its just like handle bars."

I glare at that and he smiles, he literally fucking smiles, closing the door beside us, "But I like them."

"Of course you do." I mumble as I cross my arms over my chest just for someone to yell our names, a familiar voice and I look to Summer between the three guys, three, because the guy Matt was with the other day was there too.

They were all holding hands with their partners and I look to Karsen's hand and blink.

Thankfully my hands are already crossed so I don't have to think about it as I walk over to Summer with a small smile on my face, "You look so cute!" She tells me and I can't help but grin over at her, "Me? You do."

And she does, she's wearing a black shorts and yellow top that says Summer on it, her hair in a tight high bun and lips glossy.

She's always gorgeous.

"Oh and this is Jake, he's another one of us when he's not disowning us." Summer teases and Jake, the guy, sighs, "I don't disown you guy."

"Liar." They all say, including Karsen behind me and I snort when Jake rolls his eyes. "Fine whatever, hi." I smile a small smile at him, "Im Adrienne."

He raises a brow, "Karsen calls you Addy."

I almost groan at that.

"Its just a stupid nickname, my name is actually just Adrienne." I explain just to feel a tug on my ponytail as an arm lays on my head and I want to slap him but I don't.

Tall fucker.

He leans down to whisper in my ear, "You secretly love it."

I roll my eyes at that, "Oh yeah, so much." I say sarcastically before I shake his arm off of my head.

Instead of moving it away he drapes his arm over my shoulder and pulls me closer. I leave him be, ignoring that I was pulled so damn close to him, like we were practically attached by the hip as we made way to the front.

The carnival was huge. All different rides, colors, themes, people.

And of course it was, creative.

Just what we needed, some inspiration.

It made me smile.

"You're smiling Addy, don't let anyone see." Karsen says softly, leaning close down to my ear again and this time I elbow him between the ribs and he grunts before rubs the spot but doesn't seem to dwell on it.

Idiot.

We get our ticket bands wrapped around our wrists, and I wrap it over Karsen's wrist when he struggles to stick it.

I stick it properly and he tugs on my pigtails.

Again.

"Thank you Addy."

"Uh huh, okay Karsen." I say, turning away and I walk over to Summer who eyes the cotton candy stand like it's a prize, "Gonna stare at it till it levitates this way?" I ask her and she turns to me, then she frowns, "Big ballet recital tomorrow and so no sugar..."

Ah man.

I almost frown at that for her, "If it helps I'll not eat sugar either, actually theres probably something healthier we can get around here."

Her eyes widen, "Oh no! No girl, don't worry about me, its just some sugar."

I shrug at that because I wasn't really hungry anyway, "I don't mind, plus the guys will probably gauge enough food for me so it doesn't matter."

She laughs at that and I smile as she leans her head onto my own having been slightly taller than I am, and when she speaks, I almost stiffen. "I never had a genuine friend in so long."

I blink at nothing in particular. The word, friend, making a part of me soften and another part confused.

Friend.

I had a friend.

A girl friend, someone I could probably confide in, talk to.

I had a friend.

"Me neither." I let the words leave my mouth, and honestly, it almost feels like a relief letting someone in this way.

A friend.

Since the museum night we spoke almost everyday over text but I didn't know if we were friends of acquaintances, of if maybe she had felt bad of my lack of friendships and tried to speak to me. But truth was, she actually wanted to be my friend too.

"We should get friendship tattoos."

Uhhh- "Okay slow down Barb." I say.

She snorts at that before she takes my hand in hers and she tugs me over to the teacup ride, the guys shout for us and we look back but she just waves and we go our own way as they go theres.

===

Summer and I went on almost all the rides together and by the end of it all I was either nauseous or hungry. But it was the most fun i'd ever had in a long time so I didn't really mind either of those options.

I was checking on my mom when we found the guys nearby, but I stayed back further, walking around in circles as I spoke to my mom.

"Really, im fine Eva."

"You sure? I'll probably be done so-"

"Miele, im fine, bene?"

I sigh softly, breathing in and then out, telling myself to stop worrying over nothing and just be happy, because happiness was a thing and I was allowed to feel fucking happy. "Yeah, yeah okay."

"Have fun, just- just have fun."

I nod to myself before I say a quick goodbye to her and go back to where everyone is sitting, sitting beside Karsen and he looks to me when I take a corn on the cob like Summer had. "No pizza?"

I shake my head, "Summer didn't want to eat anything else so." I shrug and bite into it, chewing what was in my mouth but when I look to him beside me and see he's watching me with a soft expression I slow my chewing.

Why was he staring at me?

"You're staring Karsen."

He blinks a few times before he speaks, "I didn't even get to spend any time with you today."

I grunt in response, biting another piece, chewing it till I swallow and then reply, "We have the next three months to spend time with each other."

"Just three months?"

I shrug, "You'll see me in college after that."

"Can we still go get coffee?"

I swallow the corn in my mouth.

I smirk at him, side eyeing him. "You shouldn't be drinking coffee Karsen."

He rolls his eyes and takes another pizza slice, and I almost let a sigh out in relief. I don't think we should talk about the future. It'd ruin our present which was pretty damn good right now.

"What major are you?" Jake asks me suddenly and I quickly take a sip of water before answering him, "Im an art major, and you?"

"Music."

I click my tongue at the roof of my mouth, "That explains the guitar."

He smiles before he nods, "Yeah, I remember you actually, under the tree."

I almost laugh. "Like a version of Shrek yep."

Karsen chokes on his cold drink at that and the others laugh which makes me look over at him with a raise of my brow, "Stop eavesdropping asshole."

He shows me the finger and I glare playfully.

His eyes drift away from mine, and they widen at something behind me before he tugs me up by my hand within seconds, "Wait, lets go."

"Excuse me?" I say as I stand up, very reluctantly walking with him.

"Just come."

I give in and walk beside him, his hand sliding down my arm and to my hand and when our hands almost interlock I take mine out and cross my arms over my chest.

He doesn't notice which is a good thing.

That is till we're at a stall and I look to see all of the stuffed animals hanging around there and I eye them.

"Lets play."

I look to him, "You stopped me from eating to do this?" I ask him, wondering if he was really damn well serious.

"I'll get you a cheeseburger tomorrow."

I roll my eyes but take the bean bag and he snorts at how easily he got me to give in. "You're so easy to coax."

I don't reply, I just throw it over to the wall through the small circle and when it gets through he blinks. "You know what lets try another game."

I snort, nudging his hips with my well- stomach, not hip, since I was considerably shorter than him.

"Just do it."

"No-"

I grab the bean bag from his hand and throw it before he does and when I get it through again he pulls me around him and throws the other two.

And when I look around him and see that it gets in, I literally screech.

"We got it!" I say, jumping up once and I almost laugh because that was actually kind of fun, "Can we get that one?" I ask the guy, pointing the huge sized blue dog and when he passes it to me I grin at it, holding it up.

"So cute, its my new favorite thing now." I joke as I look to him and push it at his chest, "You can keep it tonight, me tomorrow."

"So we're like sharing this stuffed animal?"

"Yep." I say, pushing it further against his chest, getting to my tippy toes, "Unless you don't want to co-parent?"

His lips twitch as he looks down at me, "Co-parent a fake dog?" He asks me and I roll my eyes, standing back to my usual height before I walk around him, "Never mind."

"Hey no im just asking." He blurts.

"Yes the fake dog Karsen." I turn back around and put it beside my face, "Does it look like momma?"

He eyes it, "Nope, not at all."

I put it beside his face and he moves his head a little away from it but I put it closer. "Yep, just like daddy, both are bitches."

He hums as he looks down over at me, "Nice, so fucking nice."

I grin widely, the first time I've actually fully smiled since I was like eight years old, "Thank you."

He takes his bottom lip into his mouth, eyeing me which makes my smile grow, that is until he shakes his head, grabbing my hand in his before he slides his fingers through mine, "Let's just go play another game Addy."