True P.O.V

There's always one part of the day I dread, going home. Most kids can't wait for the bell to ring, me? No, I pray that I don't. Sure I'm bullied here and most people hate me but that's nowhere near as bad as my home.

Home is supposed to be a place where you feel safe.

I haven't felt safe at home for a long time.

The last time I truly felt safe at home was probably when I was four. Yep, when I was four the twins were babies, my true problems hadn't started yet.

I drove to and from school but occasionally I would pick up Bryan. I would do it every day if he asked but he only ever did when he didn't want Chris to pick him up, which was happening more often. Chris doesn't know I'm the one who ends up picking up Bryan. If he found out I'd probably get a nice black eye and him yelling at me saying I was trying to take his baby brother from him. He's my baby brother too, so.

Today was one of the days I pick Bryan up. It was a cool chilly Friday and I really felt bad My stomach was rubbing against the wrapping Karin gave me, I had to resist the urge to scratch it and my leg stung because I had gotten slammed into a locker (guess who by) and my leg had been slammed as (guess who) attempted to smash my leg. He practically slammed the locker shut on my leg. And to say it hurt... no, it felt like I was getting stabbed in the leg...again.

It would explain my not-so-good mood. But the second I saw Bryan my frown disappeared. I loved all my siblings but only Bryan returned the love. I grew up with a one-sided love. I loved my parents and siblings but they never loved me back, but when Bryan came...he was the sibling I had been waiting for.

He was sitting on a bench outside of the school kicking his legs in the open air. The elementary school behind him in the background. I didn't like this school building. I have bled on all of the floors and half of the classrooms. Those teachers truly suck at their jobs. I would have fired them in a heartbeat, but I truly think they just didn't notice. Or maybe they were too scared to say anything.

The flag waved in the chilly breeze. I frown at it. Growing up in my family we were taught to avoid the pledge as much as possible. When I was little I didn't understand why but once I found out what dad did for a living I never asked again.

No other student remained on campus, all the teachers had left but Bryan still sat in a daze waiting for me.

I pulled up closer to the school, the noise of my motorcycle's engine snapping my little brother out of his daze. He looked up and saw me, he burst into all grins and ran towards my bike. I loved that he was so happy to see me, none of my other siblings ever were. It was refreshing, to feel loved.

I'd expect my siblings to stab me over hug me. I really wish I knew why but I would never outright ask them, not that they'd ever tell me the absolute truth. They'd make up some stupid reason on why I couldn't and wouldn't ever be considered one of there siblings. It's really fucked up. I've gotten a speech from mom, about how I'd never be considered a true son to her. I cried that night.

Bryan stepped back after the live squeezing hug, grinning up at me. I tilted my head toward the bike and he climbed himself on. He pulled his too small arms and wrapped them around my waist as tight as possible, it was as if the thought that if he let go of me I'd disappear forever. As if. I would never leave Bryan. Ever.

As we drove home, the long way to avoid that alley, you know which one, I knew Bryan was wondering why with how he looked around at the scenery. I've never brought him this way so I knew we'd be late home, my parents probably wouldn't care about me being late, but Bryan on the other hand . . . they'd panic about Bryan being late to the house. I knew this very well, especially since it was getting dark out. We'd be home by now if I wasn't afraid of driving down that alley, I bet my blood is still staining the ground.

I felt Bryan fall asleep against me as we neared our street. Not a lot of people could afford to live on this street, in these houses. The houses were over a million dollars each, thus why hardly anyone can afford them, my father could afford a lot of them. Can't say I'm a spoiled rich brat. Cause, well you know.

I liked to look at the houses, and wonder what the families inside are like. Hopefully better than mine. I continued to drive, thinking about my life and how fucked up and complicated it is. I mean let's lay down the facts.

1. My family hates me.

2. My teacher is trying to rape me.

3. I'm constantly bullied.

4. My family does illegal stuff.

5. I have to fight off suicidal thoughts.

That equals my life. Sad, it truly is. I don't want that to be my life, I never have. My life doesn't deserve to be like this. It never has. I deserve to be loved, to be cared about, to be thought of, to be considered apart of my family, I'm not considering right now. They'll never love me. It would be a miracle if they did.

An unlikely miracle that will never happen while I'm alive. While I'm alive they'll hate me, and hate me forever, when all I really want is for them to love me, or at least not hate me. But they do, and they will hate me, there to stubborn to change.

I pulled up to our four-story home, we don't use the fourth floor, and I park to the side, wouldn't want dad to yell at me for parking it out front again, he said he didn't want people to know I'm his son. Fuck him.

I left Bryan on the steps as I went to unlock the door, he didn't stir. I giggled quietly under my breath, my brother was a deep sleeper. By the time I reached the door I heard my family arguing, something that wasn't common but it happened every once and a while.

"Christin! You're supposed to pick him up!" My mom yelled hysterically at my brother.

"I went by the school! He wasn't there!" Chris yelled back. I really didn't want to stop there arguing with each other, because it wasn't focused on me but I didn't want them to worry about Bryan any longer. I turned around picked Bryan up from the sidewalk, shaking my head as I turned back towards the door. The yelling was getting louder but I knew mom wouldn't land a hand on Chris, no she only did that to me, she 'loved Chris too much' to harm him.

I didn't need a key to open the door, If Bryan was out too late they wouldn't lock it. I walked into the house and directly into chaos.