After Clay dropped me off back at home, I really needed to talk to someone about what happened. Obviously, I chose Carrie. I burst into her house and ran straight to her room.

Carrie was laying the wrong way around on her bed with her feet propped on top of the padded purple velvet headboard. She craned her neck and pushed her curls out of the way to look at me. "What's up?"

"Is it strange if someone grinds on you in their sleep?" I blurted. "Like that doesn't necessarily mean they're into you, right?"

Carrie dropped her legs and spun around to face me. "What?" She rolled her index fingers around each other, like she was trying to rewind the conversation. "Start over. What happened?"

I laid on the bed, throwing my arms over my head, not caring that my shirt had ridden up above my bellybutton. I explained the situation. I didn't mind it when Clay laid an arm over my chest, or even when he threw his leg over mine. Carrie did the same thing when we had sleepovers. She was a very clingy sleeper. I was fine to let Clay nap on me, so I could finish my book in peace. But after about an hour, Clay started mumbling incoherently and moaning. I assumed he was having some kind of sex dream when he hugged me tighter and started grinding his erection against my hip. "I woke him up as soon as I realized what was happening."

"Did he freak out?" Carrie asked.

"A little. At first. But he seems fine now." I sat up to face her. "Things have been so great with him, Care. I don't want him to disappear on me again, like when the four-wheeler thing happened."

"Maybe you should tell him that."

"That wouldn't be awkward?"

"Maybe," she said. "But isn't it worth the discomfort now if it saves your friendship later?"

I nodded and took out my phone to compose a message.

I know you may feel uncomfortable about what happened today, but you don't have to. It wasn't a big deal at all.

After sending that, I felt like I needed to add what I said to Carrie.

Please don't disappear on me again.

Clay responded immediately.

I won't.

I promise.

ur stuck wit me.

I grinned and showed Carrie the messages. She clapped me on the shoulder. "See what honest communication can get you?"

"Nice way to say, 'I told you so,' without saying the words."

Carrie pinched my arm. "Now if you could only find the balls to tell him how you actually feel about him."

I rubbed the sore spot that she'd left. "I can't. I don't want to lose him by asking for more than he's willing to give. You didn't see his face that day with all his friends. He was so freaked out."

"Argh!" Carrie threw her legs over the edge of the bed. "You are so exhausting, boy." She got up and walked out of the room.

Before I could follow, my phone dinged with another message. Clay sent a photo. It was the one he took of us this afternoon. He had his carefree grin on. His brown eyes dazzling in the sunlight, his hair all floppy and cute. My arms hung loosely around his shoulders. I had such a dopey look on my face. I thought about kissing his cheek right before he took it. I clicked on the image to enlarge it, zooming in until I could only see Clay. I wished I could set this photo as my lock screen, but that was out of the question.

I would do just about anything to be with that boy. But I would not do anything to risk losing him. That was the potential price of the truth, confessing my feelings. A price I was not willing to pay.