“Are you really leaving?” Khun No asks sitting on the soft bed and watches me pack my shirts on a blue colored backpack.

“Yes, Khun No.” I answered without looking at him.

Khun Korn has given me permission to go with Khun Vegas and investigate about my mother and find out Phi White’s intention. Khun Kinn has also given me one week but after that I should go home or else they will start to find me and Khun Vegas.

The one week is not enough but if I even find some evidence and clues then it will be good.

“Why does it have to be Vegas?” Porsche ask me as he handed me my wallet.

I continue to check my clothes and see if the knives are sharp and there are enough bullets. I can’t answer all of the queries since my brain is being occupied.

I still don’t have any idea if I will find out the truth and it has been messing with my head. No matter how many times I told myself that whatever I find out, I should accept it but there is a hint of hope that I keep holding on. The one percent in my heart is saying that i want to meet my own mother and hoping that she’s still alive.

“Are you sure that Vegas is not playing with you?”

“Are you sure that he isn’t bored?”

“If you go with him, you might die!”

“Khun No!” I shouted his name as I can feel very upset with what he has been asking these past few days.

I watch him stop with wide eyes and both Arm and Pol went beside me to calm me down. Even Porsche and Khun Kinn didn’t say any word.

I am a human too and the way they ask me as if I am not allowed to trust anyone is getting into my nerves.

The other day, they keep bugging me and telling me that I could be Khun Vegas’s second option to the point that I am starting to doubt myself. I started telling myself that they are right and a mere head bodyguard like me doesn’t deserve that kind of special treatment from Khun Vegas.

They also told me on how manipulative and evil he is that stops me to trust him even though I know that Khun Vegas knows about my mother.

“I am going to find my mother, Khun No.” My voice is already tired and even before the search starts, I can feel my body giving up already. “Let me please find my mother and Khun Vegas is the only person who can help me with it.”

The moment he had the idea of my past, it means he is already with me.

“I’m telling you Pete, he is just using those trick and pretending to court you because he didn’t have---“

“Porsche back then!” I continued his sentence as the unexplainable anger arose my heart. “You keep telling me that his intention is not pure. You don’t have to repeat it Khun No and slap me in the face that I do not deserve that kind of love. Khun Vegas is just playing with my feelings, are you happy?” I said in irritation.

After saying that, I felt the silence eating this whole room.

My heart is telling me that Khun Vegas really likes me and is trying to win me but with what they are saying, I am in debate with myself that I am starting to question my worth.

“Allow Pete to handle his personal issues.”

Khun Korn entered the room with Khun Vegas following him. Without hesitation and even before I can react, Khun Vegas gets my backpack and place it in his shoulder.

“At this moment, Pete wanted Vegas to help him. When Porsche investigated about his parents, Pete didn’t interfere so why are you stopping him?” He said that made them sigh.

I feel bad for raising my voice almost scolding them especially to Khun No but sometimes, how I wish they will also consider what I feel. I also gets affected and offended with every word they say.

“Let’s go.” Khun Vegas held my hand and I followed him.

My heart is feeling heavy with my sudden behavior towards them but I just can’t accept what they keep telling me. I hope they will understand.

“Don’t listen to him.” He said as we enter his car.

With my peripheral vision, I know everybody were at the veranda. I hope they are not mad that the Main Family’s head bodyguard is working with the eldest son of the second family.

.” Khun Vegas told me that made me stare at him. A gentle smile flashes in his face as I feel his hand slowly patting my head. .”

“Uhmm… when are we going first?” I ask, trying to divert the topic.

“My men found the car White uses to kidnap you. He is probably roaming around so that he will not get caught.”

Khun Vegas continues driving as I scan the folder with photos in it. It was pictures from the CCTV footage at the VIP area and from the nearby stalls and shops. It is indeed true that Phi White has been working for a short time. How stupid he is to use a car with a registered plate number? It is indeed easy to locate him.

“Are you afraid?” I heard Khun Vegas ask me.

“Not really, Khun Vegas.”

I heard him giggle. “Will you stop calling me Khun and just Vegas?”

“I can?” That will be too much! Who am I to call him just Vegas?

“Aren’t we close already?” He asks and slightly gazes at me. “It will be uncomfortable if you still call me with Khun.”

“Is that really okay?”

When did I even become thick face that I have the confidence to call him that?

“Of course it is okay.” He said. “The other version of you even called me bastard and son of a bitch.”

“Pardon?” I didn’t hear the last sentence since another car passes by.

“Nothing, just call me Vegas.”

We remain silent the whole journey. Khun… I mean Vegas already have the clue about Phi White’s location because of his car. I also try calming myself. The way what is happening has been stressing me is just too much. I’m tired… really tired.

“This is the place.” I heard Khun Vegas speak.

Still inside the car, I take a look. It was a normal residential house- with gate, medium size house with plants and ornaments. I saw the car Phi White used that is park outside.

“This is probably his house,” I spoke.

We waited for nearly thirty minutes when I spotted Phi White coming out from the house, closing the gate and talking to someone. He then headed on the car naturally. The fucking guts use Khun Ja’s car after betraying him and siding on someone.

“Let’s follow him,” I ordered Vegas.

“Where is he even going?” I ask myself, in doubt of the place Phi White is going.

He passes by the noisy street of Bangkok and travels into the direction whereas there are almost no buildings and hotels but are all residential houses. The tall buildings aren’t seen and were replaced by trees and pines.

“Is he heading to a rural area?” I asked when I notice that the mountains and hills are starting to become visible.

The sky has turned dark also, few stars are finally appearing as a sign that the twilight will bid its goodbye and the night sky will dominate the place.

The houses here are next to each other, small food stalls but not as crowded in the city. I think we went on a small village in this area at the foot of a hill.

“He parks the car.” I said even though I know that Vegas seen it.

Why is he even stopping by a small carnival? It like a market slash carnival but with a combination of festivals as those colorful lanterns sways with the wind. People are walking by groups, foods are sold and some art crafts, pots, jewelry are displayed.

Vegas also park the car a little bit far away. I carry my bag as he put his own bag at his back. We both wore our facemask and I covered myself with my hoodie. As for Vegas, the mask is enough since Phi White probably didn’t pay too much attention on him.

We walk side by side, being alert without surroundings. I held Vegas’s hand when I notice that he isn’t even use to blend with the crowd. I felt my heart skip a beat when I notice that he is caressing my hand.

I let him do it since I know he isn’t use with this kind of environment. We both hide to a group of people walking together as if we are part of it.

“I’m hungry.” I said to myself.

“Do you want to eat first?” Vegas ask almost whispering.

“I want… but later.” Self-control must win this time.

I am really hungry with all of these fried foods I am seeing but maybe me and Vegas will end up being fried if we get caught. We still follow Phi White and saw him going to a group of men gathered. How confident they could be for choosing a crowded place to talk about some serious issues.

Do they like carnivals and festivals too? Oi! Maybe these goons are also young at heart.

“Khun Ja has been looking for you, kiddo.” The guy teased.

“I still have another job though.” His tone was so arrogant unlike the Phi White I met.

One of the men handed Phi White a phone as a sign that he will receive a call.

“Let’s go.” I drag Vegas as we did our best to go nearer without being noticed.

We both pretended like we are buying something, with our fingers still intertwined. The food… I want to cry, I am literally hungry right now.

“I still didn’t catch him but I will do my best.” I heard him speak.

“Stupid bastard.” Vegas whispered and I notice that he tighten his grip on mine that I needed to hit his hand.

“Sorry.”

“Pete was saved when the man named Vegas appears.”

I smiled and takes a look to Vegas who’s giving me a proud smile. Too proud about himself, huh? Let me give it to him this time. He indeed saves me from being abducted.

“I will be heading there.”

Where is he going now? Damn. It’s already night yet he still going somewhere. Maybe his childhood crush is Dora.

I secretly peaks still watching Phi White talking on the phone.

“Yes I will be there, Khun Gray.”

“Khun Gray…” I covered my mouth when I accidentally said his name. He is working for Khun Gray?

I felt Vegas tighten the grip on my hand, making sure that I will still be aware of my surroundings.

“Khun Pat is still giving me the same orders.” And the next thing Phi White said made me loss my mind. “Yes. He is with Khun Pam.”

My jaw dropped, literally dumbfounded with what I just heard. Is he talking about my mother? Did he just say Khun Pam and the food she likes? Is my mother with Khun Pat? But they said that she escaped and disappeared! Did she came back and chose to stay with Khun Pat? Did Khun Pat take her? All of these questions made my head hurt and were enough to crush my heart.

Now I am finally near to the answers. If they are referring to my mother then it means that she is still alive.

“Pete, are you okay?”

I maintain my composure, forcing myself not to be carried away with what I heard. My heart is telling me that it is too painful but my brain keeps convincing me not to be carried away with what I have heard.

“I will be heading now,” Phi White waved on the men as if they are close friends who had a good time talking to each other.

I let Vegas held my hand to take the lead, still following Phi White. I want to punch him badly to the point that he will just confess with what he know. However, this place is crowded that I it will create a scene if I attack him.

I didn’t say a word and still follows Phi White. The car was park in a mansion in this type of rural area.

This is probably the residence of Khun Gray that Phi White is referring to. How come that a famous mafia likes him would have a luxurious mansion outside the city? The perimeter of the mansion was guarded that we have to park far away but can still spot the place.

“Are you okay?” Vegas ask me as I rested my head.

“Is he talking about my mother?”

“There is a chance.” He answered shortly.

“How bad it is,” I sneer.

“Do you still want to investigate or should I do it for you?” he ask that made me shift my attention on him.

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I just couldn’t believe that they might have my mother.”

I bit my fingernails yet Vegas tries to stop me.

“Do you want me to kill them for you?” he asked with determination in his voice.

He also doesn’t seem to be kidding.

“If everything is confirmed then maybe yes.” I answered. “Why are they doing this?”

As we waits for Khun White, the two of us are still inside the car trying to digest what just happened and what we should do.

“Pete.” He called my name. “Do you want me to tell you a story?”

Out of the blue? A story? Is he interested in reading books that he wanted me to tell a story? If it will be good while waiting for Phi White’s move then yes.

“Alright. What is it?” I fix my sitting position, rested my head on the window so that I can look at him properly.

I saw his eyes sparkle but there is a hint of sadness. “There is a boy who grew up doing bad things. He was trained to survive and he should not show any weakness to others. That boy…let’s just say that he lives in the darkness to the point that became evil.”

I nodded as I am being invested with his story.

“But then, one day, another boy came into his life. He was mad at him that he even hurts the guy physically and emotionally.” He continued. “The way they met and how it started isn’t good since abuse is present in their relationship and everything is forced.”

Woah. What a weird way to start a story.

“However, the more they spent with each other was also the more they develop their feelings. At first, both are in denial; they both try to reject the emotions they are feeling.”

“Did they still choose each other?” I ask, wondering about that love story.

I saw him smile. “Yes and they even live together. The evil boy started working on himself for him and his lover. He made sure that he will be more cautious and would reflect more with his actions. He started to become better.”

“That’s great.” Even though I don’t like how their story started, I may find it awesome that they develop mutual feelings.

“But another problem came. The other guy has family issues that someone threatened his life.”

My lips twitched. Why can’t they just leave them alone and be happy?

“What happen next?”

“The boy who grew up to be evil tried to save his lover. He tried to save the person who made him see the world that he didn’t imagine to see. The evil boy lost the person who serves as his light because he failed to do so.”

“Why are you calling him an evil boy?” I laugh a little, finding it funny.

“Isn’t he evil? He did bad things.”

Vegas tried to start a discussion with me.

“I can’t really say that he is evil since you told me that he was raise to survive.” I talk back.

“That boy did lots of bad things and bad decisions in the past that includes him losing the person he loves.” His tone went sad which made me focus on him more.

“You mean he regret that he failed to protect his lover?”

“Yes and he thinks that it is his karma for being a bad person.”

“is he trying to change?”

“What?”

“Is he doing his best to change?” I ask once again.

“He is.” Vegas answered.

“Maybe that evil boy you are saying isn’t evil at all but someone who did bad decisions and actions.” I told him. “Sometimes our view about life is influenced by those people that surround us. Their ideas and views about life, society and even norms became the reflection of our behavior.”

I am not even a Saint to call someone evil because of my flaws too.

“…”

“He did bad things in the past and he is trying to change, isn’t better? I think it’s good to see someone reflecting on themselves, being aware of their mistakes and working it out to do well. It is not because they wanted to wash their hands and be clean in the eyes of others but to know that there is still a chance to be better. You know, there is no specific age on learning about life. There are people in their thirties, forties or even sixties that are still needed to be educated about how they view the world and people.”

“You should hate the evil boy because he is a bad person before.” Vegas told me.

“Before.” I emphasized that word. “You said that he change for his lover. We all change for someone or for ourselves. Besides, are we just going to ignore that is he is working on himself?”

“He did bad things that cannot be undone or be fixed by an apology,” Vegas added as if he is cornering me.

“That’s why it’s called past. There are things that the evil boy cannot fix or even change and we can’t do anything about it. I think before expecting forgiveness, we should also work on ourselves and prove that we change. That’s why chances exist.”

I, myself did lots of things in the past that I wish I never did. Skipping classes, watching videos that are not suitable my age, breaking rules, and even now, working in this kind of field even though it is illegal.

If I am going back in time, I will definitely make sure that I will correct the misbehaviors I did. However, just like History- we cannot change it but we can learn from it.

“Do you think the lover of that boy should be mad at him?”

“About what?”

“That his lover failed to protect him,” he added.

I narrowed my eyes and eyebrows. “If I am the lover, even if die, I will surely not get mad.”

“You will not?” is it just me but the tone of his voice seems to be thirsty of what I am going to say.

I gave him an assuring smile. “It will be enough for me to know that my lover tried to save me.”