Guilt consumed me. I said what I vowed I'd never say. I said what I thought would never come out of my mouth, never leave my head so I wouldn't hurt Karter. The guilt ate away at me as I heard Karter slam the door shut and leave. I did that, I hurt my Karter and he'll never forgive me. I know this. He won't want to talk to me, he won't want to even want to look at me.

"Nova-." Alaric started.

Before he could say anymore, I turned away from him and left the room. Our bedroom smelled of him, his scent lingering around making me sob. Regret and guilt filled me knowing I'd never be able to take back what I said, to make things better. An apology won't work, what was done is too much to be forgotten by a simple 'I'm sorry.'

I crawled into bed wanting the arms of my mates around me. But I can't have that. One is disappointed in me and the other hates me. I would hate myself. Karter is so good to me, he tries everything to make me feel comfortable, content and loved. And I ruined it all because I was told no.

I know what I did, I hate myself for it so much. I know what I said, I know it was disgusting telling him that, all because I got told no. I acted like a spoilt brat and in the process I hurt the one person who has always been there to hold me when I wanted him. Karter would always drop what he was doing because I called him. Even if it was simply because I wanted to tell him I loved him, he would be there in a heartbeat.

Why am I like this? Why do I do this? Why is it that I'm not like everyone else? What did I do wrong to be so different from everyone else? I don't understand. And that's the problem, I don't understand anything. I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I want to have everything I shouldn't. I should be doing makeup, going to parties and being a teenager, not some preppy princess who doesn't understand simple things, who doesn't understand sex or likes to have blankets and teddies. I shouldn't want to be carried by Karter and Alaric everywhere, I should be able to walk by myself and hold their hands like normal mates do.

"Nova?" Alaric said. I felt the bed dip behind me and a hand on my shoulder.

"Please don't touch me." I whispered shrugging my shoulder so his hand fell. "I hurt him really bad."

Alaric stayed silent as he listened. I gathered he didn't know what to say, what could he. It wasn't okay, it wouldn't be alright, I'm not okay, Karter isn't okay, nothing about this is okay. What I said was really bad and I don't know how to fix it. All I want is for things to be normal, for me to be normal so I understand things more clearly. Not just say things I've heard.

I really am scared of Karter when he's angry, I don't like it because he has hurt me before. But I know he didn't mean it and he comforted me after. I just can't help but feel frightened when he's angry. That doesn't excuse what I said, I really do know what I just don't know why I said it. I told myself I wouldn't and just forget about everything and carry on, ask about pups and go from there. This anger consumed me and I exploded. I didn't know or understand half of the words we said but I still said it.

"Why cant I understand?" I sobbed. "I hate myself, I hate me. Why can't I be normal 'Laric? Why can't I be like Mika, she understands, she knows it all. Why can't I be like that? Why do I have to hurt Karter? I don't want to be baby no more, I want to be big girl."

"You are a big girl Nova." He said after a few minutes. "You are normal, Karter and I love you so, so much. We don't want you to change anything about you. All we want is to love and care for you. Karter thinks it's best if we wait for a pup, just so we know we're all one hundred percent ready and can dedicate every second to our baby."

"'Laric?" I turned to him.

"Yes baby?"

"What's rape mean?" I asked.

"It means when a man or woman forces themselves on to someone when they have sex. The person who is raped says no meaning they don't give consent to what is happening to their body, but some people don't like being told no when it comes to sex, so they force it." He explained.

"I said that to Karter." I whimpered hating myself even more. "He no force me to do anything. I don't like it."

"I know baby." Alaric pulled me so I was sat on his lap. He held me tightly and rocked me gently. "Sleep baby girl, okay. Let's give Karter some time so then you can apologise."

"Yeah." I whispered and closed my eyes. The tears didn't stop, but I fell asleep with the soft movement of Alaric rocking me with the exhaustion of crying so much.

My heart broke for the little wolf in my arms, but my heart broke more for Karter. No one deserves to be accused of something they'd rather save someone from than do it. I know Nova doesn't understand, I know her mindset doesn't match her age, but I can't help but think she's so stupid for even saying that.

I love her, but right now I'm so disappointed and disgusted that she'd even think that Karter would rape her just to get his own way. When the words left her mouth I was too shocked to even say anything. To even go after either of them. That's why I waited to get over my shock to come to my beloved.

Before I knew it, Nova was asleep so I gently laid her down and went to Mikas room. "Everything okay?" She asked.

"Honestly, no. Can you listen out for Nova please? I'm gonna look for Karter get him home."

"Of course. Go." She said. I thanked her and left following his faint scent. As I got closer to familiar surroundings, I laughed to myself having a hunch he'd be here. And of course, when I opened the door, Karter was sat in the living room on the floor.

His knees pulled to his chest as he cried. His cheeks and eyes red wet with tears as he looked at me. I didn't say anything, I just ran to him and pulled his head to my chest where he sobbed harder. Nothing hurt more than this, seeing him like this. Nova is one thing, but seeing Karter like this broke my heart on another level.

🥳