"U-Um... Toshiro..."

His heart immediately did a series of backflips hearing you say his name. He flushed, his face heating up incredibly fast. It felt like it had been ages since he last saw you and talked to you, and now you were right in front of him as if nothing had ever happened. He opened his mouth to speak, but the only words that came out were incomprehensible stutters. He cleared his throat.

"Here, come into my office. You can stay there until the rain stops," he offered, not meeting your eyes.

You contemplated shouting, "NO!" and fleeing to Mexico, but dismissed the stupid idea when you realised that there was no Mexico in the soul society.

"O-Okay," you agreed reluctantly.

You began to follow him in the direction of his office, but his hand didn't leave your wrist the entire time. You tugged at the bottom of your sleeve awkwardly until you finally arrived and he let you go. The tension in the room made you extremely uncomfortable to the point where you didn't know what to do with yourself, so while he made his way behind his desk, you just sat on the couch and stared at the rain outside.

"L/N."

You looked up with a start to see Toshiro in front of you, a folder in hand. He held it out to you and you grabbed it, confused. He didn't offer any explanation and just sat back down at his desk, which irritated you to no end.

"What's this?" you sighed. You wouldn't be surprised if it was transfer papers of some sort.

"Paperwork. You can do it now or, um, take it home."

You swallowed the lump in your throat, and opened the folder to peer through the work you needed to catch up on.

"Listen, I... can we talk?" he blurted, making you freeze.

You didn't know how to respond, but the awkward silence was almost too much for you to bear so you just murmured a 'no'.

"Oh." He furrowed his brows in confusion, frowning.

"Taichou... why do you even care?"

He looked at you as if you had just sprouted wings and asked to fly to hell.

"Why wouldn't I? You're my subordinate, and I have been trusted to look after you," he answered plainly. Those words hurt you, even though you knew they shouldn't have. Toshiro seemed to notice you flinch, and he quickly corrected himself.

"I might be more fond of you than I am most of my subordinates," he murmured, looking away.

"Then why?" you questioned pleadingly, tears beginning to build up in your eyes. You blinked them away.

"Why...? What do you mean why?"

"Why say t-those things?"

"You're not making any sense."

You groaned in frustration. "Toshiro, you know what I'm talking about. You called me unreliable and useless. Anyone would be hurt."

"I was... mad," he muttered, not meeting your gaze.

"You told me I was transferring squads," you stated dryly, crossing your arms.

Even when she's mad, her voice is so soft and nice to listen to... But now is not the time, Toshiro.

"I-I didn't expect you would listen. I didn't mean it," he explained, ashamed of himself.

You sighed.

"What's with that?"

"(L/N)... I... before you left, you said something..."

"So... so you mean you know I... l-love you? You mean you don't return the feeling?" you managed to whisper hoarsely as you desperately wrapped your arms around your midsection.

He seemed to pale.

"L-Love? You n-never mentioned that while I was... was... here..."

You were too busy slamming the door to hear anything.

"I don't want to talk about it," you said firmly.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to."

"I'm your Captain, hear me out for a-"

"Just because you're my Captain doesn't mean you can walk all over me and confuse me!"

Toshiro froze and stared at you.

"Wait, I didn't-"

"I didn't even do anything bad. You overreacted, got mad, and really hurt me. Then you apologise, and say you're fond of me or whatever... I don't get it. Now you're forcing me to talk to you, playing your social status card. I just..."

"I'm sorry. Just let me-"

"I'm gonna head home," you sighed, heading for the door. Toshiro grabbed your wrist tightly, turning you back around to face him.

"No! Just wait, don't-"

"Taichou. Let go of me."

You wretched your arm out of his grip and turned to the door. Toshiro threw his hands in the air in anger.

"You know what? Fine. Be that way. Just know that beneath all that righteous indignation you are nothing but a hypocrite."

You froze, not wanting to turn around and face him.

Don't do it, (Y/N). C'mon, don't cry- ah, too late.

Tears rushed down your face like a waterfall.

You expected him to keep insulting you, and you braced yourself to hear him continue, but he was completely silent. You turned and looked back at him, tears still streaming down your face. He didn't look angry anymore, only ashamed, and his eyes had drifted to the floor.

"I did it again."

He smiled slightly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He looked up, and his eyes widened when he saw you crying.

He took a step towards you, but you turned around quickly, ready to leave. He grabbed your wrist again, which you instantly yanked back. This wasn't out of annoyance or anger- it was out of fear. Though he was shorter than you, it was hard to forget how much stronger he was - both in position in Soul Society and physically. You couldn't help but, momentarily, be afraid that he was going to harm you.

Toshiro froze in place, his eyes locked to yours as he took a step forward. You stepped back, trembling. It was then that you saw a flash of hurt in his eyes as he saw the fear in your own. He let go, backing away a little himself.

"I-I..." he whispered.

Tears coursed down your face, leaving behind a salty trail. You ran the last few steps to the door and attempted to slide it open, but it didn't budge.

"Please let me out! Let me out! Taichou, unlock the door, please!" you cried, banging on the door desperately. Toshiro let out a splutter but didn't try to stop you, and you banged on the door for a while longer before crumpling to the floor.

"What's wrong with me?" you whispered in between sobs.

Toshiro moved cautiously towards you and kneeled onto the floor, pulling you slowly and carefully into his chest. Although he was rigid the whole time, you knew it was his way of comforting you.

"Hi-itsugaya-t...taichooouu..." you whimpered, and he was silent.

"(L/N), that's enough," Toshiro pleaded eventually, leaning up to brush away stray tears with his thumb. Even after they were gone, he continued to rub circles on the side of your face, his chest pounding.

"(L/N), please stop crying."

You attempted to obey your Captain, but the tears just kept coming.

"(L/N), please, I didn't mean to upset you, I mean I know I did, but I didn't mean to, and I was..."

You weren't listening to his regretful rambling. All you could see was his beautiful eyes filled with worry, and a bunch of words tumbling out of his mouth that you didn't want to hear. That was probably the excuse you would give to anyone who asked why you leaned forward to tentatively crash your own lips to his.

His eyes may as well have popped out of his head, but he didn't make any move to pull away or stop you. You kissed him delicately, tracing his bottom lip with your tongue and bringing his head closer in to yours. You pulled away slowly, panting for air. Seeing your captain's bewildered and bright red expression, you realised the full weight of what you just did. You jumped out of his arms and stood up, brushing invisible dust off your clothes.

"Taichou, I'm so sorry, that was selfish of me... I just wanted t-to... to... um, I'm not sure..."

You trailed off, heart sinking. You watched him, waiting for a response, but he just stood there dumbfounded. At that, you let go of the last bit of hope you had held onto and finally accepted it.

Taichou never has and never will see me as any more than a subordinate.

"...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say I loved you earlier. I was just hurt, and... I don't know. Everything's felt off since I came here, I just...."

"(L/N), you-! You-"

Toshiro was still frozen in place, staring up at you with his cheeks ablaze.

"You're so grumpy, taichou," you sighed, smiling bittersweetly. "You really should work on how you treat your subordinates. Especially me. Just saying. Maybe take an anger management course or two?"

"My-?! Did-"

"But I forgive you. Wait, are you blushing?" you accused him, forcing a grin in an attempt to lighten the mood. He cleared his throat and tried to compose himself, but it didn't seem to work at all.

"Of course not, I don't blush."

"Ehhh?"

"What do you mean 'ehhh'?"

"You look like you're blushing."

"W-Well, I'm not."

You stared at him blankly.

"I'm not!" he insisted, frown deepening.

"I don't think I'm imagining it," you insisted, and you grabbed his hand and put it up to his cheek so he could feel for himself. His face got even redder.

"I must be coming down with a cold from being out in the rain," he huffed. You pouted at him, and he shot you a glare but soon replaced it with a tender, apologetic gaze.

"So... um... I forgive you, and stuff, even though you're a despicable human being. Or, um, soul?"

"I thought we already established that you forgive me."

You shoved your hands over his stupid mouth and pushed him backwards, grabbed your paperwork, then walked over to the door.

"Bye, taichou. Renji's waiting."

"O-Oh. Abarai? Oh."

You attempted to open the door.

"Hey, this still won't open! Why'd you even lock it?!"

"But I didn-"

"I knew it! Taichou, you pervert!"

"P-P-PERVERT?!"

~