Useless!!" "Weak!!" This is what my fellow shinigami yell at me, it's almost happen everyday when they saw me passing by or delivering paperwork for my captain Toshiro Hitsugaya, they always pick on me.....

I was now strolling inside the squad 10 barracks and about to go to the captains office for something, when i spotted my fellow shinigami who always bully me, I'm about to pass them but they block my way, i don't want a fight so i face down not looking at them, but they didn't even spare me this time, they stop me as soon as when they saw me walking at them.

"Oh look it's the useless thing!" "Where are you going weak?" They said in a mocking tone looking at me with a sly smirk "p-pls l-le-let me through" i said merely a whisper , "HUH!?, what was that? How dare u weakling talking back at us, huh!?" "Why can't you just die already!?, you're just a burden!?" They said before shoving me, u stumbled to the ground and they just laugh loudly before leaving me alone.....'Useless!!' My mind scream 'Useless!!' 'Weak!' 'Leave or just die already!!?' I shake my head to get rid of what my mind screaming, tears filling my eyes as i stand up and run to my shared house with our squad lieutenant rangiku because of the lack on the squad 10 member houses, rangiku is also one of my friend since i came here....

Once i was inside the house, i ran up to my own room and lock it..

They call me useless, because I'm not a useful to the other shinigami when it comes on fighting I'm not much of use, i always drag someone down with me....

I always need someone to back me up in a fight, I'm always a burden no one loved, care and accept me as who i am, since i enter the world of being a soul reaper, i had rangiku or my friend but i still feel so lonely and forgotten.....

I unsheathed my zanpakuto and slowly cutting my wrist. 1 cut still not enough, i bit my lip preventing my yell of pain coming out of my mouth, i just whimper when i add 1 more cut, 3,4 cut on both of my wrist, i finally calm a bit, my blood flowing out, dropping to the ground as my tears keep streaming down from my eyes....until i was startled when a knock came to my door, my gaze averted to the door "yes?" I said trying my voice not to crack.....

"(Y/n)-chan? Taicho requested your presence!" Rangiku said in a happy tone, oh how i wanted to be like her, can be happy whatever happens, i just let out a loud humm cause if i speak in sure my voice will break, "ok bye~" she said, and i hear a fading footstep, i immediately run to the bathroom of my room washing my tear stained face and my bloodied wrist before wrapping a cloth on it,

Going back to the spot where some of my blood drop, wiping it, along with my zanpakuto blade before sheathed it, i open my room door and head to my captain office....somehow i feel lightheaded...

A while later i after i send Matsumoto to call (y/n) a knock came to my door i reply by a simple 'come in' then the door slide open, i was shock to see her (skin color) paler than before, i can see her force a smile "is there something on my face taicho?" She asked i shake my head before replying "ah...nothing..... Can u help me with this?" I said, she nodded before taking a small paperwork from my table, it's not because i can't do my paperwork but to keep her head away from stress from letting her focus on something........

•||| time skip|||•

I was looking at (y/n) as she fill a paperwork, it's looks like she's in pain or something her hands seems shaking, she sigh in relief as she finished the last sheet of paper, then she stand up, i immediately get back to my papers, "taicho i finished it" she said setting the paper back at my table "thank you (y/n), you may leave if your willing to" i said, i saw her nod but i think she prefer to leave she's about to open the door when i checked the paperwork that she finished, but i was frozen when i saw a faint of blood stain on the paper and look at (y/n) there's a cloth wrapped at her wrist

"(Y/n) does this blood yours?" I asked, she stiffened as she slide the door open "I..i....i...i- i gotta go!" She said before flash stepping away, i can feel her fear, i stand up out of my table flash stepping after her but looks like i gotta find where can she be now....

I flash step out of my captain's office, in fear of me being caught self harming by my captain...But

..

..

..

When i was escaping my captain i ended bumping into my bully's

"Hey, useless watch you're going, why did you even live If your so stupid!?!" He said grabbing my wrist, i winced in pain, in my desire to leave, despite the pain i feel, i snatched my wrist back, before flash stepping again away from them....and to our shared house with lieutenant rangiku and locking myself at my room crying my eyeballs out. 'I can't take this anymore!!, I'm so useless as they say, a weak person!! Might as well die, I'll erase my existence on this world' I thought, wiping my tears before unsheathing my zanpakuto pointing it in my neck 'gomene (zanpakuto name) I'm using you to kill myslef, it's just.....i can't take it anymore, no one even accepted me!' I thought before closing my eyes, and when I'm about to stab my neck someone snatch (z/n) away from my hand and throwing it to the side before hugging me....

When i was looking for (y/n) i heard yelling near to the squad member houses, i flashed step towards it and saw (y/n) with two of my squad member and heard their yelling

"Hey, useless watch you're going, why did you even live If your so stupid!?!" Then one of them grab her wrist im sure i saw her winced in pain, im about to stop them but she snatched her hand away before flash stepping away, my 2 squad member laughed as (y/n) ran away from them, i appeared behind the laughing guys before clearing my throat, they look at me shocked before chanting the "ohayo taicho!" In unison, i raised a brow, crossing my arm before saying

"You both are removed from my squad!" Then i leave them dumbfounded going after (y/n), 'is this why (y/n) self harming? She's so depressed' i thought and next thing i ended up outside her bedroom and it was locked good thing there's always a spare key Matsumoto left, i grabbed it and open her door, the scene in front of me made my heart sunk, i saw her pointing her zanpakuto at her neck and her wrist is wrapped around with cloth that full stained with blood

I just snatched her zanpakuto away throwing it the side before hugging her tight, she's crying so much "leave me be! No one love and accepted me!! I'm so weak! useless! I shouldn't supposed to be existing!!" She shouted holding her head as she cry..... shoving me away from her

My heart broke in half as i heard her sentence, i grabbed her chin to look at me before meeting my lips at her, before hugging her tight "I'll love you!, I'll accept you!, you're not weak, your not useless!!!! You're strong in the way you used to!!! So....pls?....don't leave me! I don't think i can survive without you!!" I yelled at her tears forming my eyes as i hugged her tight, she seemed tensed at first and hesitantly wrapping her hands around my waist hugging me back, until she cry silently burying her face to my chest, i finally did it, i confessed to her even in her worst condition of being depressed.....we hugged their silently until we both fell asleep

I arrive at the house to invite (y/n) into a party but when i arrived i saw her door open.... I take a little peep, i saw Toshiro and (y/n) embraced to each other sleeping soundly at the floor, maybe I'm just a little drunk so i left them be, i went back to the party pretending nothing happened....

Author note:

This must be the second hard one...well anyways I'll take a few more request before I'll continue the chapter with a second part that's all thank you for reading dear readers!!

Love you all😘😘