when will i grow up?

i've already grown and i've already changed but i don't feel grown up. when i was five i wanted to be eight because eight was grown. now i'm seventeen and i don't want to be eighteen, but i still want to grow up. i sit on the shower floor with my all too well known teenage angst, because growing up used to mean getting older. now growing up is being granted my patiently awaited final state of peace, and it would be my new constant; the grand release for my continuous sadness.

but i'm never going to be grown up, i guess one day i will learn to accept watching myself just get old.