please explain to me, why do you get to be happy? i don't want to be with you anymore i'm just tortured by the fact that i've suffered from the start.

you got to recover and move on and find people that make you happy and that distracted you until you filled the hole i left, but mine has only grown larger by the day and it can not be filled.

so tell me, why do you get to be happy? is this karma? maybe i am actually as bad as you said, maybe i have been victimising myself, maybe i have been everything you said i am. so tell me when you talk to her, does it feel wrong? because i can't catch a fucking break.

tell me do you feel guilty? do you feel untouchable? do you feel uncomfortable? does it feel like you can't get clean no matter how many hours you spend under the boiling water? do you yearn to feel the comfort that you felt next to me?

it doesn't even have to be you i just want to feel safe again. and i don't know how you got that power or when i gave it to you.

i'm trapped and i'm suffocating, so why do you get to be happy now? i've done everything i was supposed to.. i worked on myself, i took everything well, i cracked jokes and i stopped kissing people at parties, i hung out with my friends as nothing but friends, moved out of my house. so why do you get to be happy, when i got to be homeless, looked over, and punished? why did you get to be free while i got to be handcuffed? why have you gotten everything you've ever wanted when you never had any intention of fighting for it in the first place?

what does relief feel like?

i really can't be happy for you.. i know this sounds selfish, i just don't know what you did to make everyone else feel like a stranger. why do you get to be happy? you tortured me. you made me unlovable. why do you get the power, why do you get to be happy?

why do you get to experience life, while i have to survive it?