We spent hours talking about how we ended up being gay, making jokes about our ex boyfriends and how it was so obvious that we both liked girls. I wasn't sure if I would consider myself lesbian or bisexual, but for now I was not so worried about labels. Sandy ended up enjoying us the whole time, affirming that we were crazy for not liking dicks that much. "You are obnoxious" I said, throwing a pillow at her face, to which she answered with a cute smirk.

"I am not saying I don't like men. I am still trying to figure that part out. What I do say is that I have these feelings for my professor and it has been driving me insane."

"PROFESSOR" Mia yelled at me, reminding me she didn't have a clue about what was happening in my love life recently. "Spill it . You . . . Olivia Harding . . . have a crush on your professor? What the hell, Olivia."

"I am sorry. Well, I do like her . . . or I did . . . Ah, fuck. I don't know and it doesn't even matter . . It's never happening anyways." The pillow in front of me had become a victim of my nervousness, being pulled and smashed all over by my unstoppable fingers.

"What happened?" Sandy asked me. "You know what I think about it. She definitely likes you back Olivia. I saw it at the bar . . . She . . ." I cut Sandy off.

"She has a fiancé. Bianca confessed it to me today, after giving me a hot, fucking amazing, kiss." I hid my face on the pillow, partially shy, but mostly mad with the memory and how it still gave me butterflies.

"YOU KISSED YOUR PROFESSOR" Mia, again, yelled, unable to believe what I was saying. "Wait, Olivia, step back here for me. Are you talking about the bitch professor you have been complaining about in almost all our calls?" Her eyes just came to realize it. "Of course. I am so stupid. All you talked about was her and how mad she made you feel.... But it seems like she can make you feel other things too."

She laughed, leaving me and Sandy staring at her face, unbelieving the dad joke she just attempted to make. Laughing with them was like I could breathe again. Since I left Bianca's house, my heart had felt a weird squeezing, constantly hurting my chest, making it even hard to straighten my body. Seeing them, however, I felt like I had a home to come back to, a floor to hold my steps when everything else seemed so chaotic.

For the rest of the day, we stayed on the couch, me explaining all my last interactions with Bianca and how our morning had ended. I could see a glint of sadness in Mia's eyes, even though she tried to hide it so hard. Respecting her decision, I decided it was best to not ask about it, focusing on their advice. Sandy was outraged, cursing Bianca's name while holding my hand. "Is she crazy? A fiancé? Believe me, a woman that looks at you the way she did . . . Humph . . . She was all over you that night, staring at your body, finding ways to touch you.. I am not blind. What the fuck!"

I was happy to hear those words from Sandy, someone that witnessed Bianca's action towards me. Sometimes I did doubt myself, asking if it was all a creation of my head, if I imagined her flirtation. Mia, on the other hand, just stared at me, in silence.

"Mia? Is everything okay?"

She nodded, shaking her head while rubbing her hands against her jeans. "I can't say if she did or not send you signals, but the fact that she kissed you is enough proof of her own responsibility in all this relationship . . . if we can call it like that. I understand you are hurt, I truly do and I hate it. But, I think now it should be enough to make you move on, right? I mean, Bianca made it pretty clear that she does not want to have anything with you."

I always loved Mia for her honest words. She was never scared of telling me the truth, as hard it could be for me to listen. Faking a smile, I nodded at them, saying it was now time for me to focus on my piano and forget about emotions.

"Sorry, but . . . " Sandy started talking, trying to hold a laugh. "How about Tia?"

"Tia? Who is that?" Mia stared at me. "Olivia?"

Hiding my face again in the pillow, Mia hand took it out from me, forcing myself to explain.

"She is a friend. I mean, we kissed . . . two times . . ." I said in disbelief, hating myself for it. "I saw her Saturday night, I had some drinks, and Bianca called me and I was feeling needy . . . Jeez, I am the worst."

"Do you like her?" Sandy asked so naturally, as if she was wondering if I like bananas.

"It's not that easy, Sandy. I do like her. Her kiss is just perfect, and she is so sweet. She always treats me so well, and she cares."

"So, what is the problem?" Mia asked, staring at Sandy, confused. After some thoughts, where I tried to rationalize why I could not date Tia, only one answer was possible for me:

"She is not Bianca'' My voice was quiet. Those words held an important meaning for me. At the end of the day, all I could desire was Bianca. I couldn't explain to my friends why I felt so attached to her, since we have never gone on a date or had a deep, long conversation. Maybe it started with me trying to prove her wrong, but it suddenly moved to admiration. Every time I try to think about moving on and falling in love with someone else, my stomach becomes nauseated.

"I don't think I am ready to forget about Bianca. I need time, and I need to be honest with Tia. What makes me so sad is that I know how amazing she is, and she is so understandable and sweet. I do like, and I do feel attracted to her. But, the way my heart flips when I see Bianca, is just . . . I can't explain and I can't take her out of my mind. "

Mia smiled, part proud of me for realizing I needed to be honest with Tia, while Sandy was convinced that I was wasting an opportunity of being happy. Soon the night came and Monday brought me to face another day at college, and with it the fact that my first class was with professor Molina. I pondered the possibility of missing the next 3 weeks, hiding myself the best I could from her, but it would only affect my career. I knew when I kissed her I would need to face its outcomes, so now it was not time to be a coward. ''

Without a rush, I ate my breakfast and left for the subway. Mia had decided to spend the day applying for any job she could find, wishing me luck with a kiss on my forehead. Having her in my life again reminded me of the old me, a small-town girl full of dreams and confidence in herself. It was time to be here again, no love dramas, just a simple life surrounded by music.

As soon as I crossed my building's door, two senior pianists that were part of professor Molina's society came to greet me. Their faces just made all the memories I was trying to forget so real, and it was almost too painful to handle. I stood still, nodding when it seemed they were questioning me, and smiled at their comments.

"Great. We will see you then. 4 pm at training room C"

'What had I just agreed to?' Already tired, I drag myself into the classroom, finding it nearly empty. Some students were getting ready for the lecture, while I got to my seat avoiding with all my strength to look at the center of the class. All my hard work was suddenly destroyed when the student next to me raised her voice to ask a question to professor Molina. Following the girl's gaze, I came with the encounter of Bianca's eyes on me. She tried to smile, which I answered by raising my left eyebrow in disbelief.

Answering the student, I could feel Bianca's eyes on me the whole time. My heart was racing in my chest, maybe angry with her attitude, or maybe because the sensation of her lips on mine was still pretty alive. 'None of this matter', I said to myself, deciding to not raise my eyes the whole class, focusing on taking notes. Bianca didn't make it easy for me, constantly asking questions to the class, requiring our participation for each stupid concept. Thankfully, though, she never addressed me directly, leaving me in my own world.

When the class finally ended, I felt proud of myself, enduring the hard task of ignoring Bianca. Packing my things, I mentally coached myself on how I should leave the room and not even once look in her direction. 'Just focus on the hallway and go. Simple. Easy'.

"Miss Harding" Bianca's voice sounded like a heavy melody to my ears, making me freeze. "Could you stay behind, please?"

Gossips filled the room. All the other students were wondering what I had done wrong, or right. Ignoring everything, even my feelings, I moved in her direction. My lips were clenched, as well as my jaw, all deliberately tensed up to avoid any misleads. My hands were strongly holding my backpack's handle, as if I could hold back any possibility of letting my feelings get soft again.

"Did you call me, professor?" Staring at her desk, I was decisive in avoiding her eyes.

"Yes." Her voice suddenly stopped. Keeping my eyes down, I heard Bianca's sigh before she continued. "Can we talk? Maybe later today when you are done with classes you could come to my office?" Her tone was hesitant, maybe even tremulous.

"Is this about today's class? Or maybe our training sessions?" With a firm voice, for the first time, my eyes met hers. I knew she could feel my freezing stare, which she answered by bending her head lightly in an attempt to read me better.

"Olivia" Her begging tone would not be enough to make me go through another serious conversation with her.

"Professor Molina," I replied. "I think we should stop our training sessions for now. I am not feeling . . ." I coughed. "Feeling well recently, so I think I need time to take better care of myself."

"We don't need to do that Olivia. Your career should come first, independent of anything else. You know I can help you. Uhmm. It's important for you to train more than just in classes. You already made it pretty clear that you don't have any intention of joining the society. I will respect that . . . but we should maintain our regular sessions."

I laughed in disbelief. Her calm words were echoing in my ears. I was now certain that she didn't feel the same I did for her, because she would never ask me that if she did. Closing my eyes, holding the air in my lungs for longer, I tried hard to keep myself in control.

"I just can't. Different from you, I have feelings that I need to erase immediately. I really want to do that as soon and fast as possible. So, you can't be me in my life, not more than just a regular professor. As, in fact, you had always been. Right?"

Nodding slowly, Bianca's eyes were still searching for something in mine. The dark shadow around her eyes made it clear she didn't sleep well. Her confident lips were now sadly laying on her face. My heart wanted to grab her in a hug, making sure she was feeling okay, but all I could do was maintain my charade. In a monotone, tired of our interaction, Bianca agreed with me and asked me to leave.

Without thinking twice, I left the room. The rest of the classes kept me really occupied. For the first time, I didn't think about how Bianca's hand crossed my neck, pulling me closer to her hip. I texted Tia, asking if we could meet later this week, to which she replied with a smiling-face emoji. Besides that, I had an easy rest of the day . . . so far.

"Olivia" A familiar voice called me and I recognized the couple from this morning. "Just in time. Are you ready for the training?"

"What training?" They laughed, as if I was telling a joke.

"You are hilarious." One of them said, "Five minutes, don't be late. Room C!" The girl yelled, already halfway gone. I had two options: Simply never appear, which could be the easier option, but it would also be rude and I can't have more enemies in this college; or I showed up, play some piano, learn something good, and endure all the society talk for a while.

Leaving the library, I walked towards the training floor. Opening up room C's door I almost flipped when I saw professor Molina in the room, greeting both students with a smiling face.

"What are you doing here?" We both asked at the same time.

"I was supposed to meet them for training. I didn't know you would be here."

"We didn't tell you Olivia. My bad, I thought it was obvious. Is it a problem?" Both of them stared at us with curious eyes, as if they realized something was going on between us. Bianca's expression abruptly changed to fear, which made me jump in to explain my words.

"Are you guys kidding me? It's professor Molina. Of course I am surprised. I don't feel confident playing in front of her like that. I mean, I have so much to improve and I don't want to waste all your time. I think I should leave."

"Says the girl that left us speechless yesterday. Are you crazy? C'mon, don't be insecure and let's just train together, alright?" The girl pushed me into the room, making me sit in the chair while she prepared to be the first one on the piano. Raising my eyes towards Bianca, she moved her lips in silence saying "Thank You", to which I nodded in discomfort, hating how the universe was putting me in the same room as her. . . again.

Both of them were exquisite pianists. They sounded professional, rather than seniors, making me realize how much I needed to dedicate myself if I wanted to get to their level in two years. Listening to them just helped me to realize what I should focus my attention on from now on. Bianca, however, didn't make it easy for me. Time to time I caught her staring at me, suddenly moving away when our eyes met. I was so tired of her misleading me, but I couldn't avoid the butterflies every time our eyes met and she gave me a smile. I hate how I easily melted under her gaze, or how my body shook every time she came closer.

By the end of our training, I had learned more than in any class so far.

"Olivia, we would love you to join us next week. What do you think?" I looked at Bianca, who was avoiding me, probably trying not to influence my decision.

"I can't promise. The first year is so hard, so much reading and exams to catch up on. But I will let you know. Thank you so much for inviting me, I learned a lot."

Smiling, they left the room leaving me and Bianca alone. Without knowing what to do, I grabbed my backpack, wondering if I should say something or just leave. Part of me wanted so hard to say goodbye and finish that torture, but the other part was willing to grab any second I could have in her presence.

"I was surprised to see you here tonight, but I am glad you stayed. I think they could teach you a lot." Her hands were now full of folders, carrying a bag on each shoulder. Her expression was tired, revealing a weak voice.

"Are you okay?" I asked, a little sharply trying to sound as if I didn't care, which was obviously a lie. She timidly smiled at me, saying she just had a long day.

"Alright then." I looked at my phone confirming the time. "I will leave you alone. Have a g-"

"Olivia" Her husky, now soft, voice cut me off, making my eyes meet hers. "I -" She sighed, and I felt sorry for all the weight she was carrying on her arms. Approaching her, I took all the papers and folders from her and started walking towards her office, in the Opera building across the park. Surprised, she quietly followed me, making me wonder if she was also scared of choosing her words.

After a ten minute walk, Bianca opened her office's door, inviting me to sit. There I was, exactly where she asked me to be that morning. 'I definitely walk in circles around her' I thought, sadly recognizing my incompetence of maintaining myself apart from her. For some reason that thought made me laugh.

"What is so funny?" She asked, while putting away her bags and adjusting herself in the chair.

Crossing my legs, relaxing my back on the chair, my sad eyes met hers, and suddenly all the weird funny things got replaced by the memory of my broken heart. The shining ring on her right hand didn't let me forget that she promised her love to another person. Chasing my look, I could see how nervous she got by seeing me staring at her ring, which she answered by keeping her hand on her thigh.

"What are we doing?" A rough voice left my throat.

"Seems like we always find a way to be around each other." That confident woman I met before was not to be seen, giving place to a nervous, and tired, brunette. I could sense how scared she was of her words, or how I would react to them. Her eyes were studying me quietly, while I could see a ton of unsaid questions on them.

"I am not doing this to myself." I rubbed my face, trying to collect any courage I had left to leave that room. Standing up to leave, once again, I felt her hand holding my wrist.

"Please, just listen to me for five minutes. After that, if you need to leave, I will respect it. Just give me a moment to explain?"

Her hands on my skin felt like a burn I couldn't handle. I was too hurt by her past words to suddenly open my heart for her to drag a knife on it again.

"No! I can't. Do you know how I've felt since yesterday? The things you said or implied? You don't have any idea how much you hurt me. I can't let you do this again."

I could see her chest rising fast, while her face got red and her eyes wide. Leaving my wrist, she also stood up, covering her mouth with one of her hands, while the other rested on her hips. Moving erratically around her huge office, Bianca's hands were still deciding if they should keep moving her hair to one side and another, or just land on her waist.

"You can't?" She yelled at me, making me jump of surprise. "Do you have any idea of what I have been through? I never asked you to show up in my life. I was doing just fine. I was actually great! Living my life the way I knew how. But then . . . argh" She angrily kept her fingers entwined in her hair, staring at me, in a sexy pose that made me lose all my sanity. Her perfectly curved body, dark curly hair that smelled like lavender, and her straight thin nose that gave her that confident look, all of it was so hard to ignore.

"I hate you" She blurted out, bringing tears to my eyes. "I hate how stupidly cute you look when trying to make me change my mind. How naïve you sound talking about your dreams and ideals, that are definitely not realistic, but bring a fresh air to all these old buildings. I hate how your soft eyes looked at me, seeing something in me I can barely understand. I just hate how I can't stop thinking about you, wondering what you are thinking, or how much you hate me . . ."

In complete shock, I stayed still, trying to absorb everything she had just said. I heard the words 'hate' a lot, but they didn't seem to carry the meaning they usually should. Rubbing my eyes, feeling confused, I looked around me while I digested what had just happened. Without rushing me, Bianca also seemed in shock with her own audacity.

"I -" My lungs caught another breath, longing for extra air before I could continue. "Yesterday you told me I was imagining all this... and now you are saying you can't stop thinking about me? Is this a game for you?"

"OH MY GOD" She yelled once again, really frustrated. "You are so stubborn! Can't you just listen to me?"

"I am listening to you, Bianca! More than I should, but can you just be fucking clear because I am done with you hurting me. Either you be honest with me right now, or I swear I will leave this room and I will never talk with you about feelings."

Pulling all her hair back with both hands, I could see how hard it was for her to open her heart to me and, at least once, make her feelings clear.