If you’re reading this, it’s likely because you’re at your wit’s end. You’ve been watching too many scary movies, or maybe you’ve read a few too many creepy pastas, or perhaps you’ve just been left alone with your own thoughts for far too long. You keep hearing suspicious noises, you’re not sure but you think that shadow in the corner just moved, and/or you just feel a presence other than your own and you’ve become uneasy. At this point, you just want to know — and you want to know for absolutely sure — is there something in your house? Should you be worried about it? What’s going to happen to you if you succumb to your desire to close your eyes and go to sleep?

Well, you’ve come to the right place. If you really want to know, I will now delegate to you the first of many methods. This ritual is designed to detect the activity of the supernatural, demonic and/or worse. Here’s what you’ll need:

1. A staircase, preferably one with twelve or thirteen stairs (excluding the landings) but you can do it with up to sixteen. It is highly inadvisable that you use a staircase with seventeen or more stairs or a staircase with eleven or less stairs.

2. A small, portable fan. It’s suggested one that runs on battery. If you have one, you can use a fire puffer as an alternative.

3. A cup of water

4. A handful of dirt

5. A candle. Make sure it is one that will not burn out easily. And something to light it with.

6. A picture of your house or whatever stood in the place of your house from as far back as you can get

7. A picture of your house as it is now

8. A pair of dice

9. Two watches or small clocks, preferably analog but if you only have digital, that’s fine

10. A food offering. It must be an animal product.

11. A mirror

12. A handful of ash

13. A few dustbunnies

14. A bug or another living and easily overpowered creature.

15. Something from your body (a toe/fingernail, a lock of hair, saliva, blood, a tooth, etc.)

16. Salt

17. A weapon, preferably one made of silver

To begin, you will want to prepare your stairs. You must be aware of the exact time that you begin this ritual and you must begin during the afternoon as the entire ritual must be completed during PM hours. If you have twelve or thirteen stairs you will start by standing on the bottom landing. If you have more stand on the bottom stair and place the first item on the next stair. From here recite: “It is from here whenceforth I shall commence”

On the first stair, place the small fan but don’t turn it on. If you’re using a fire puffer, fill it up with air and don’t puff it out. Place it on the stair instead of a fan. As you do so, recite: “Here is the air that mortal breathes.”

On the second stair, place the glass of water. As you do so, recite: “Here is the water that mortal drinks.”

On the third stair, place the handful of dirt. Try to spread it wide. As you do so, recite: “Here is the earth on which mortal stands.”

On the fourth stair, place the candle but don’t light it. Leave whatever you intend to light the candle with beside it. As you do so, recite: “Here is the fire that burns mortal’s hands.”

On the fifth stair, place the picture of your house from the past. As you do so, recite: “Here is the time that has come to pass.”

On the sixth stair, place the picture of your house as it is now, and roll the dice beside it. Pray that it does not come up a high number. As you do so, recite: “Here is the present and the die are cast.”

On the seventh stair, place one of your watches. As you do so, recite: “Here comes the future, the time ticks by now.”

On the eighth stair, place your food offering. As you do so, recite: “Here is the offering for Devil’s mouth.”

On the ninth stair, place the mirror. As you do so, recite: “Here is my image, in God’s likeness I trust.” [**Note, regardless of whether you are Christian or religious at all, you must recite this line as it is phrased here without any substitution, hesitance or reservations.]

On the tenth stair, place the ashes and the dustbunnies. As you do so, recite: “Here is mortality, ashes and dust.”

On the eleventh stair, place your bug. Make sure it cannot get away. It must be alive. As you do so, recite: “Here is a life I present unto thee.”

On the twelfth and final stair, place the thing from your body. As you do so, recite: “And here is the essence extracted from me.”

Step on the top landing or the final stair and turn around. Draw a line of salt across the edge of the stair/landing. Recite simply: “No further than here.”

Now leave your objects overnight. On this night, you should not notice anything suspicious or concerning. If you do, abort the ritual by putting a circle of salt around each item and around your bed as well as anyone else’s bed in your house. Leave them for the night, and then remove the items the following morning. You must completely obliterate them all. If you do not notice anything suspicious or concerning and are able to get a good night’s sleep without any nightmares or without waking up until daybreak, the ritual is officially in effect and whenever you wish to, you may complete it. It will remain in effect as long as all of the items remain on the stairs. However, none of the items should be allowed to fall from their stair or to overlap into other stairs. Do not allow the salt, dirt or the ashes&dust to spill over onto another stair. If you must, keep them in a container of some sort. The water must remain open to the air so be careful not to spill any of it. Do not leave anything besides these items on your stairs. In performing this ritual, you have banished any supernatural/demonic beings in your house to the first floor and they must get past the twelve curses you have set on your stairs before they can get to you. Believe me when I say, if they didn’t already despise you, they will now. Refrain from making unnecessary trips up and down your stairs after sundown as this weakens the curses. Depending on how strong your supernatural/demonic beings are, these curses might not hold more than a couple nights. As soon as you start to notice even the most subtly peculiar activity, immediately consider completing the ritual. This ritual CANNOT be reinforced by repeating it. If you sleep on the first floor, do the ritual backwards, starting from the top of the stairs instead of the bottom. All the same rules apply. If you don’t have stairs in your house, you can do this same ritual in a long hallway as long as you can clearly see the twelve divisions. You may mark them with tape, lines of salt (which would create a stronger barrier) or pencil, or you can place a long thin piece of wood at regular intervals down the hallway. All the same rules apply. DO NOT perform this ritual in a room. DO NOT perform this ritual outside. DO NOT perform this ritual in any small enclosed space such as a tent or a car (if it’s even possible for you to do that.)

To complete the ritual, it is advisable that you evacuate everyone else from your house. Have them stay the night in a hotel or something. You must do this alone. Stand in the exact place where you recited “It is from here whenceforth I shall commence.” at exactly the same time when you originally recited this line when you initiated the ritual. Make sure you have your weapon in hand. You must stand there for the first hour, you must not move or be moved. Your feet must remain planted in place.

AS SOON AS the first hour ends, step onto the stair with the fan. Turn it on as quickly as possible and let it run across the stair. If you used a puffer, puff out the air that was inside it. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the second hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the second hour ends, step onto the stair with the cup of water. Leave the fan running or make sure there is no air in the puffer. Drink the entire glass of water as quickly as possible. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the third hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the third hour ends, step onto the stair with the dirt. Your feet must both be within the pile of dirt that you threw on the stair. If you put the dirt in a container, dump it out onto the stair as wide as possible to give yourself more space to stand on. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the fourth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the fourth hour ends, step onto the stair with the candle on it and light it. You may stand beside it or hold it up to your face. Make sure it does not go out. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the fifth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the fifth hour ends, step onto the stair with the picture from long ago. Without turning around, you must use the candle from the last stair to burn the picture. Don’t blow out the flame until the picture has been turned into ash or at least until you cannot tell what the picture is of anymore. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the sixth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the sixth hour ends, step onto the stair with the picture of the present day. You must rip this picture as many times as the dice indicated without letting it fall apart. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the seventh hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the seventh hour ends, step onto the stair with the watch or small clock. You must turn the clock forward as many hours as the number on the dice. Do not turn it back to achieve the same number. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the eighth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the eighth hour ends, step onto the stair with the food offering. It may have been there for a few days so hopefully it hasn’t gone too bad. You must take a bite of it and swallow. You must eat it as if it is delicious even if it is disgusting. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the ninth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the ninth hour ends, step onto the stair with the mirror. Look into the mirror and look only at your face. DO NOT try to use the mirror to look behind you. No matter what you see in the mirror you must not look away. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the tenth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the tenth hour ends, smash the mirror and step onto the stair with the ashes&dust. You must drop a drop of blood onto them. It must be your blood and it must be fresh. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the eleventh hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the eleventh hour ends, step onto the stair with the bug. Kill the bug. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the twelfth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

AS SOON AS the twelfth hour ends, step onto the stair with the thing from your body. You must swallow it whole. You must not wash it down with anything. DO NOT move from that stair for the entirety of the thirteenth hour. Stand facing the top of the stairs. DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES turn around or look behind you.

As soon as the thirteenth and final hour ends, step onto the place where you recited: “No further than here.” Make sure you have your weapon in hand. Turn around and brace yourself. Good luck.