Shitty and unedited chapter ahead. My mind is a mess in the past few days. I also feel like my angst writing is rusty. Oh well, happy reading, I guess...?

*****

It felt like everything became frozen, like we were in a movie that was put into pause when our eyes met, my mind reeling as my consciousness try not to believe what's happening right now. As I stared into his turquoise eyes, I can't help but think that everything's a fucking joke, a sick joke that someone did to me while cameras are hiding everywhere. What the fuck is this? What the fuck is happening?

None of us bothered to move nor utter a single damn word. The air is so full of tension, making my lungs feel constricted. I can feel my heart slowly starting to beat erratically, my eyes still wide as I look into an equally, if not, wider turquoise eyes of Eren.

Isabel is the first one who gotten over her shock. She slowly loosened her stiff body and look at me, her gaze holding nervousness in it as she sent me a wavering smile. "Levi..."

I didn't bother to look at her, keeping my eyes fixed on Eren who's still looking back at me, fear and panic reflecting in his eyes. Isabel moved and stood in front of Eren, blocking him from me. "Levi, how long have you've been here?"

Taking a few deep shaky breaths, I tried to compose my mind, reorganizing the mess it has become. I studied Isabel's nervous gaze on me, and it just made me more sure that everything I heard is true.

"Long enough to hear everything I need to fucking hear." My voice is surprisingly controlled, not voicing out any of my confusion, of my anger, of my hurt, of any of these damn emotions storming inside me. I never felt like this, never been this out of control of my emotions but this fucking time isn't like the rest.

It's like a fucking bucket of ice cold water was thrown at me, realization hitting me like a train traveling plenty of miles per hour. So all this time I was being fucking fooled? All this time I'm believing at something fake? All this time I am with Eren and not with Rein?

My body started to shake with anger, all the emotions swirling inside my body like a hurricane coming out. Eren stood up from his place behind Isabel, looking at me with a blank expression. The look he has on his face fueled the anger inside me, unable to believe that even after his fucking secret has been revealed, that even after I discovered that he has been fooling me all this fucking time, he has the nerve to look at me like that, like he did nothing wrong.

I couldn't speak despite having thousand of questions inside my mind. My hands curled into tight fists which will surely leave red crescent marks on my palm at the end of this all. I want to believe that this isn't real, that hurting myself would wake me up and return me to the real world, would return me to a world where being with Rein is anything but a lie.

Instead, it just made me more aware that none of these is a dream. That this is the painful reality that I need to face, that the reality I've been living at for the past few months is nothing but pretense.

"Izzy, move." His voice sounded so defeated, like he finally reached the end of the game. Why? Because he fucking got caught? Because he wouldn't be able to fool and play me like a fucking card again?

Isabel looked back at him, a pained expression on her face as she looked at him pleadingly. "Eren, let me—"

"No." Eren's stern voice cut her off, looking at her with a look that held finality in it. "This is my problem. Let me fix it alone. Leave."

Isabel looked at her with the same expression for a minute before letting out an exasperated sigh, knowing that there'll be no way to change his mind. She slowly walked away from him and to my direction, not bothering to look at me but keeping her gaze on the floor.

"Sorry..." She left after muttering that word to me and I have to close my eyes, taking a grip of myself at what's to come. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked ahead, looking at Eren who's still looking at me with a blank face.

"Levi—"

"What the fuck is that?" Words came out stern and venomous and I saw him flinch at my words. "What the fuck is that all about?"

"Sorry..." I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, pain starting to blossom in my chest and spreading throughout every fiber of my system. Hearing him say that confirms it but my mind is too fucking dumb to take it all in. It stopped processing, not wanting to take any of these in.

"Tell me that what I heard is wrong." Please. "Tell it to me, Rein. That isn't true, right? Fucking tell me. "

I waited for his response, waited in hopes of hearing what I want to hear from him. But it never came. What I received is the word that I fucking hate the most now.

"Sorry." That word again. That fucking word again. It made my blood boil and I glared at him, my stare stern and cold.

"Sorry? Sorry for what? Would you fucking tell me? Could you fucking explain it to me, Rein?" I threw my head back and forced out a laugh, a fake laugh that held bitterness and hurt in it. Then I looked back at him, still glaring. "Or should I say, Eren?"

The look on his face changed, I can see his regret and sadness in it, mixed with hurt. Hurt? He shouldn't be feeling that. He's the one who fucking fooled me, made me believe that he's his twin and worst of all, made me fall for him. He made me fall for someone he isn't. Is everything he showed me also pretense? Is everything going on between us is just a fucking joke?

I want to laugh, want to pat him on the back while telling him that he did a good job on acting and making me believe him to the point where I fell for him but I can't. I can't because it hurts so fucking much. It hurts to know that I've just been used, that none of us is real. Everything between us is just as fake as he is.

"I'm so sorry, Levi."

"Fuck, Eren! Sorry about what? Sorry because you fucking fooled me?! Make me believe in that lie of yours?! Or sorry because you fucking made me fall for you, you fucking liar?!"

I felt something rolled down my cheeks, wet and hot and I knew that I am crying. My heart felt like it was ripped out and torn into shreds before it was placed back. Every nerve in me tell me that everything really is a lie, but deep inside me I know that I'm hoping that everything isn't real. That what I just heard is the true lie, that I've fallen for someone that I really know. That none of us is a lie despite knowing that it is.

Eren didn't speak. He just kept on looking at me with eyes filled with emotions, filled with hurt and regret. He made a step but before he was able to make another I stopped him.

"Don't move."

"Levi..." His voice sounded so hurt that it made my chest squeeze in pain. Seeing that he's hurting also pains me, but it's his fault that we were in this situation in the first place. "Levi, please, believe me. I'm really sorry."

"Fuck it, Eren! I don't want to hear your apology! What I wanted to hear is why?! Why did you fucking do that?!" My voice cracked at the intensity of my anger, my tears never failing to stop flowing. Every memory of what the two of us did starts to flash inside my mind, and it just helped on fueling my anger more and more.

He didn't respond. He just looked away from me, but my gaze isn't going to yield. I want to know the fucking truth, that is if there's even a bit of truth in all of these.

"Eren." My voice sounded so weak and I hate it. I hate everything going on now. "Why did you fool me?" At least tell me a good fucking reason, Eren. And maybe I can forgive you.

He stayed silent. He didn't move. I just stared at him like he's a fucking statue for minutes but time seemed to be stretched on that it felt longer than it has to be.

Then he finally moved, returning his gaze on me, his lips quivering as he respondef to my question. "There's no reason, Levi."

It shouldn't have hurt this too fucking much but it did. Something must've snapped inside me because in a moment I walked to him, fists curled tighter while shaking in anger. I lifted my fists up and punched him, my fist landing on his jaw.

"Nothing?! You did that for nothing?! What do you fucking think of me?! A toy?! I'm not a fucking toy to be played with!"

He looked at me, his eyes shining with unshed tears. Being this near him enabled me to see how his eyes reflected his pain and regret in a greater intensity. His whole body is shaking just as bad as mine did.

"Dammit, Levi! I'm not playing you! I'll never do that to you!"

"But you already did! You already played it, you started it since the day that you told me you were Rein, since the day that you made me believe and fall for you!"

He groaned and closed his eyes, his hands shooting up to lock into his hair and pull it. After that he looked at me again, tears now flowing out of his eyes. "Levi, I did it because I want to be with you. I-I thought that if I were Rein, you will love me back. I only- I did it because I love you."

I scoffed, not being able to believe what I just heard. "Are you fucking kidding me? You did that because you love me? Can you hear your fucking self, Eren? What kind of twisted joke is that?"

"Levi, I know that Rein is the one you like. I knew it since we were kids. I have no hopes on you but I wanted to be with you as someone more than just a best friend. I want to kiss you, to hug you, I want to hear those words coming out from you. I only wanted to feel loved by you, Levi. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to ask for your love?"

"Is that wrong? You're asking me if that's wrong? It fucking is! You cannot justify what you did just by telling me that you love me! You should've just be true to yourself! Everything change, Eren. I may have fall for you even if you aren't Rein but instead, you chose to fool me. You just made everything impossible for you, Eren."

Eren stepped closer and held my arm, tears never stopping its flow. He looked at me pleadingly, but I was too far gone and broken to even consider it. "Levi, please, I'm sorry. Forgive me. I-I'll do everything for your forgiveness. Just forgive me, please. I love you, Levi. I really fucking do."

"You're too fucking late, Eren. You already hurt me. You already fooled me. You broke my trust in you and for that, I'll never forgive you. Not after what you did."

I turned on my heels and started to walk away but he caught me, hugging me from my back. I stopped myself from letting out a sob as I feel his body shaking behind me, his tears soaking my shoulder as he let out a litany of sorry, but I already made up my mind. What he did is wrong and is in no way right, my trust on him already broken and there'll be no way to return it to how it was before.

"Let go of me, Eren." Instead of doing what I said, he just tightened his hold on me, refusing to let go. "Eren. Fucking let go."

"Don't leave me, Levi. Don't hate me. I love you, please believe me. I love you so fucking much."

I did my best to compose myself, preventing myself from crying. He deserves this, and this is the payment for what he did.

"You made me believe that you're your twin, Eren. You made me fall for you, believing that you're being true to me this whole fucking time. Do you really think that I can just let this all go and forget about it? That I can just shrug this off like nothing? I fucking can't, Eren. Now let me go before I say something that you wouldn't like."

His hold on me loosened and I broke myself from it, looking back to see a broken expression on his face. It made the pain I'm feeling inside more unbearable. I want to reach out and wipe his tears away, to fix and erase that broken look on his face but I can't just let this go. Ignoring it, I just turned away from him, starting to make my leave, leaving everything behind. My broken trust, our relationship that is nothing but a lie. All I left in me is my heart, which feels too broken to be saved.

"Levi, I'm sorry. Please believe me when I say I love you." I heard him say when I was in the entryway. I kept my head down as tears started to come out again, falling like waterfalls. If only it can lessen the pain I'm feeling right now.

"It's hard to believe in it, Eren. Not after everything I discovered." I curled my hands into fists and I took a deep breath before continuing, "Now I'm not even sure if what I felt for you is real."

I quickly left after that, knowing that I cannot stay at that place any longer. Everything in it just makes the pain I'm feeling worsen, and I don't think that I can handle it.

Izzy stood a few feet away from the front door, pacing around with tear streaked face. Seeing me made her burst into tears again, running towards me before encasing me into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I'm so, so, sorry."

"None of this is your fault, Iz. There's nothing for you to apologize."

She pulled back a bit from the hug, opening her mouth to say something but a loud crash cut her off, followed by a wail full of pain.

"Eren..." She whispered his name, like she's being torned to choose who to comfort between us. I unwrapped her arms around me, taking a few steps away.

"I need to go. I cannot stay here any longer."

"Can you fix this?" She gave me a pleading look that broke me further. I hate seeing her like this, but her request isn't something I can comply to.

"Sorry, Iz, but I can't." I left without waiting for her reply, the sounds of Eren's scream the last thing I heard as I shut the door shut.

I walked back to my apartment, absentmindedly making my way through the streets as my mind wanders to what just happened. I still couldn't accept it, a small part of me is still denying everything despite being already proven as the truth. I never felt this much of an idiot before, never felt this played before. I couldn't believe what Eren did and how I fell for all his acts, even if some of those things are true.

I feel so numb, the pain just a light throb at my nerves and I concluded that it's better off this way. Feeling nothing is better than feeling all of the pain I experienced earlier, that intolerable pain that makes me just want to sleep and never wake up.

As I made my way inside the house, the memories I had with Eren flashed inside my mind once again and for once, I regretted that almost every single moment of us being together was spent here. Every corner I looked at reminded me of him, reminded me of us whenever we were together. Now all of it felt like a dream, a memory that will never happen again.

I went to my room and changed my clothes, the room that is supposed to be my sanctuary plagued by him. This is the place where I should find my comfort, where I can get away from everything that's hurting me, but how could I if I can see him here? If I can see him laying on my bed as he cuddled me, his arms wrapped protectively around my waist? How could I find my peace if I can hear his voice, his laughter, every time I close my eyes?

How could I fucking forget about what we had if he's etched not only in my mind, but in my damn heart?

I cannot believe how deep I fucking fell for him. It shouldn't be a problem if what we had is real, but it's not. Because the truth is he's not Rein, he's not the one that I fell in love with. Who I fell in love with is nothing but an act, and now we were left broken. Broken to the point where I don't even know if we can fix whatever we had.

I laid on my bed, closing my eyes as I try to ignore his scent in my sheets. But it just intensified the pain I'm feeling the throbbing ache earlier coming out once again, leaving a burning feeling inside me. Having your heart broken is one thing, but discovering that you've been fooled is another.

Knowing that there's no one except me around, I completely let down my walls, let myself wallow in the pain and betrayal I'm feeling, letting my tears fall freely from my eyes. I let out all the broken sobs I prevented earlier, hoping that in every tears I cry, the pain will subdue.

But it didn't, and it just made everything more painful.

There's only one person who can mend this, but that person is the sole reason why I'm being like this.

My phone rang and I took it, my vision blurry because of tears. I just answered the call and pressed my phone to my ear, waiting for the other person to speak.

"Hey there, Shorty! What's—"

"Hanji..." My voice sounded so weak and defeated but I didn't make an effort to stop it. They're one of the people who I trust, and I know that they wouldn't judge me by showing my weakness. "Please come here. It fucking hurts..."

"Oh my god, my munchkin, are you alright? You're at your apartment, aren't you? Just wait for me there, sweetie, I'll come to you. Don't turn off your phone."

I nodded even though they couldn't see me. They kept on talking, saying comforting things as they made their way. They kept on calling me pet names which made me sure that I sounded so fucking wrecked. My tears stopped flowing, and I just laid on my bed as I waited for them.

Soon enough I heard a car stopped by in front of the house. It didn't take long until Hanji came barging into my room, a worried expression on their face.

"Sweetie, what happened?" They made their way towards me and sat on the bed, pulling me into a hug. I can feel my tears starting up again, and I rested my head on their shoulder.

"Shh, it's okay, Levi. Everything will be alright." They kept on saying it, kept on reassuring me that everything will be alright. Deep inside me I want to believe them, even if it seems almost impossible.

I felt all of my strength left my body and sleep is pulling me to its comfort. "Go on, Levi. Rest. Then we can talk about your problem after you wake up. I won't leave." Hanji gave me a small smile and I laid back, burrying myself into the pillows.

"Thank you, Hanji."

"Always for you, munchkin." And with that, I let myself succumb into darkness.

*****

Author's Note

Phew! I feel like my writing in angst is rusty. It's been a while since I last wrote an angst so I hope that it isn't as bad as I thought. And I apologize if the chapter's confusing or messy, my mind is a mess this past few days. Also, sorry for the shitty ending (or should I say chapter?).

I would like to hear your thoughts about the chapter! It would make me really glad :) I love reading your comments and reactions.

So I hope that you enjoyed this shitty chapter.

'Til next time then!