Oh fuck. I really should stop giving chapter titles. They all suck.

Sucky chapter ahead. Proceed with caution.

Enjoy.

*****

It was so loud but quiet at the same time, the silence so loud I felt like I'm going be deaf. The whole world seemed to become still as if time itself stopped to prolong the agony that I'm causing to Eren. My body remained stiff but I can feel my hands trembling, my heart beating too fucking fast and my lungs begging for air. Still, I waited. I kept on waiting for the clue, for the signs, but it never came.

I didn't feel the connection that I was waiting for. The electricity that's supposed to spark when our lips met, the way my stomach should've twisted in knots, the way my heart should be fluttering in my chest as my heart swells in joy, none of it came.

Instead, all I felt was this heavy foreboding feeling of regret looming over me, putting a heavy weight on me, specifically on my chest. Like there was a boulder that was suddenly dropped on it. My stomach is churning in an unpleasant way, like how one would do if they did something very, very wrong. I am painfully aware of what caused this feeling. It was guilt.

We were standing there for fuck knows how long, but it felt like forever. Each second seems to drag by slower than it should be, and I'm so fucking sure that its doing it's best to prolong the hurt and pain that I'm causing to Eren.

I want to pull away, to run to Eren and apologize, but I can't move my body. I felt like I was paralyzed, pinned on the same spot by some unknown force. I can feel the fast beating of Rein's heart from where I'm gripping his shirt, his eyes had closed in the time our lips were touching.

Is he feeling the signs I'm searching for? Is he the only one who's able to experience the things that should've made this kiss meaningful, should've let me feel alight rather than feeling remorseful at myself?

There's nothing but self-hatred inside my mind as I just kept on pondering over my thoughts, actions. Why am I even doing this? Why do I keep on hurting Eren, even after all the fucking pain that he also has been through because of me?

Why is choosing between them so fucking hard?

Suddenly, I wanted to pull away. However, before I can even do it, Rein has been pulled away from me, my grip from his shirt slipping and just a second later, the sound of a fist hitting someone's face rang out in the silence. Rein stumbled and fell backwards, his hand shooting up to rest on his face where he had been hit. Standing a few feet away from him was Eren, seething with jealousy and rage, his turquoise eyes seemingly glowing with gold flecks under the faint moonlight.

Due to the shock, I was stilled, just watching the two of them with wide eyes.

"What the fuck is that for, Eren?!" Rein, who is always calm and cool-headed, snapped at his twin, looking up at him with a glare. He stood up and dusted himself off, his eyes still fixed on Eren.

Eren still has the same look on his face. It was the first time I saw him this angry. His eyes were ablaze, fueled by his jealously and envy, body rigid and fists shaking. He was taking deep breaths as if he's calming himself. If he does, he's doing a fucking poor job with it.

Rein stood up, his eyes never leaving Eren's face, although his amber eyes are throwing daggers at his twin, hostility and tension so evident in the air that it's almost tangible. Seeing them like that is a new thing for me, considering that they barely had a fucking fight throughout the years I knew the both of them, and nothing was ever this severe. But looking at the two of them right now, both ready to attack the other in just one wrong move, made me feel like I don't even know them at all.

"I asked you, Eren. What the fuck is that—"

"I can't do it, Rein." Eren's answer cutted Rein off. He sounded so defeated saying those words, his voice coming out desperate. The look on his face changed along with the tone of his voice, suddenly looking so vulnerable, like he didn't look like a seething animal just a few moments ago. With pleading eyes, he looked at his twin who just stared right back at him. "I just fucking can't, Rein."

Rein's face was suddenly voided of any emotions for some seconds before it changed into one of confusion and something akin to betrayal. He looked at his twin incredulously, as if he couldn't believe what Eren just said to him.

"You fucking promised me and now you're saying that you couldn't do it? Really, Eren? Is that some kind of a twisted joke?"

"I tried, dammit. You know I fucking tried. It's just too fucking hard—"

"You just didn't try well enough!"

Eren visibly flinched. A hurt look took over his face, looking like he was physically stabbed by Rein's words. "You know how fucking much I tried, Rein. You saw it firsthand. It isn't that goddamn easy to ignore and forget something that you live with almost your entire life."

"You cannot just say that you couldn't do it, Eren. You fucking promised me. I shouldn't have forgiven you for what you did but since you promised me that, I did. You can't just take back what you said."

Eren didn't reply and silence took over us. I can hear the fast beating of my heart but I didn't pay too much attention to it, trying to get a gist of what they're talking about. Eren promised Rein what? I'm so confused. I don't have a fucking idea about what's going on.

"I'm sorry, Rein, but I couldn't do it. I did my fucking best but it wasn't enough for me to just let go. I've been holding onto this—"

Rein's punch to Eren's face cut him off. Rein's anger is visible now, clenched fist shaking as he picked Eren up by the front of his shirt. He was glaring at him, jaws tight and clenching.

"So you're just going to fucking break what you said to me?!" Rein once again punched Eren's face, making the other stumble back and fall to the floor. The lump that took its home in my throat disappeared, giving me back the ability to speak once I got over my stupor.

"Stop that!"

None of them listened to me. Eren glared back at his twin and stood up, wiping the blood from the corner of his lips. "You wouldn't fucking understand what I'm feeling, Rein. You never felt what I'm feeling for years, how it felt like to desire something that wouldn't ever be yours. Now that I've got a taste, I won't let it go that easy. I fucking can't."

"You bastard!" Rein lunged at Eren who quickly evaded it. Rein and Eren kept on throwing punches at each other, trying to block and dodge each hit. I kept on shouting for them to stop but they didn't listen, like they're not hearing any word that I'm saying.

Despite their grunts and growls, I hear some footsteps approaching us and a sound of someone calling Eren's name. It didn't take too long until Jean and Mikasa arrived, immediately pulling the two of them away from each other to avoid any more damage.

"What the fuck is happening here?!" Jean looked pissed, so did Mikasa, as they tried to keep the two of them away from each other and bash each other's skulls. They are still looking at each other, glares looking deadly.

"You can't fucking do that, Eren. You fucking promised me that you'll leave us alone."

"I would if I could, Rein. You know how I much I hate it when promises are broken. But I can't. I can't just give it all up and wish for some miracle."

"You can, you just don't want to—"

"Rein." My voice made him stop. I let out a sigh, running my hand through my hair, exasperated. "Stop it. Stop this."

Mikasa and Jean let the two of them go as soon as they calmed down, although their glares aren't leaving, I walked up closer to them, distancing myself from the two of them.

"I'm sorry, Rein, but I won't do it. I'll fight for it if I have to. I know that I'm fighting a losing battle, but I'll do what I can so I won't regret it in the end. Besides," Eren ripped his eyes away from Rein to look at me, face suddenly changing into a softer one, "Levi's worth fighting for."

Showing me one weak smile, he took off without waiting for Rein's response, Mikasa and Jean following him after saying their apologies and goodbyes. Letting out another heavy breath, I walked off without another word. Rein hurriedly approached me, grabbing me by the arm to stop me. He pulled me so I can face him but I didn't look at his face, keeping my eyes glued to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I didn't mean to do that. I'm just—"

"Stop it, Rein. It's my fault that it happened in the first place. I shouldn't have kissed—" I cut myself before I can finish the sentence. What the fuck am I even doing? Am I telling him that kissing him was a mistake?

Rein was silent after that. When I Iooked up, I saw a hurt look on his face, his grip on my arm loosening. He took a step back and looked at anything but me. I felt the guilt inside me worsen. I did a very wrong move. Now I hurt not only Eren, but also Rein.

"So you kissing me is just a mistake, huh?" His voice cracked, barely containing the hurt in it. His eyes are glossy with what I assumed were unshed tears. "Really, Levi? Is that what you think about that kiss? A mistake? A fucking mistake?"

"No, I'm not—"

"Don't fucking deny it, Levi! I heard it myself! You don't fucking know how much that means to me but now it's all fucked up!"

"I'm sorry—"

"You should be! It fucking hurts, Levi. I thought that it meant something but apparently, I'm wrong. So fucking wrong. Do I mean something to you or are you just playing with me?"

"Of fucking course, you do! I'm not playing around with you! You're one of the most important people to me, Rein. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."

Rein still didn't look at me. Instead he looked up, doing his best to avoid meeting my gaze.

"Please leave me alone for now, Levi."

"But Rein—"

"Please, Levi. Just do this thing for me."

With my chest feeling heavier than it did before, I nodded, not having the ability to make any sounds. I quickly walked away, leaving him alone standing in the parking lot. Before he was completely out of my sight, however, I see something glistened from his face. It wouldn't take a fucking genius to know what that is. It's tears rolling down from his eyes. I made him cry.

And in that moment, I felt like I am the worst person in the world. I broke another person's heart. And that just has to be someone I treasured.

With that in mind and the heavy feeling weighing me down, I let my own tears fall down my face.

*****

As I was walking farther away from where the ruckus just happened, I kept my head down the whole time, the tears continuously falling down my face. I felt like I'm the worst fucking person in the whole goddamn world as my body rapidly become cold because of the harsh wind nipping at my skin, considering that I left my coat inside the club. I didn't even try to go back inside, not having the guts to face any of the two of them.

I'm such a fucking coward, trying to run away from the shits that I'm supposed to be facing, as if it would make it any better.

Is it that fucking hard for me to not to hurt those who are important to me? Isn't it enough that I already broke Eren fucking over and over again?

As I ponder over my thoughts, I didn't hear the sounds of footsteps following behind me, mind too clouded up with self-hate. I only noticed it when a hand held my shoulder, making me stop on my place.

"Levi, I was so worried about you! Why didn't you go back inside and tell me that you're leaving?" They do sounded worried, their face reflecting the same emotion. Their eyebrows are furrowed, lips pressed in a tight line.

However, I couldn't find it in myself to care. I'm not worthy of their worry. I'm a horrible person.

"Nothing, Hanji. Let's just go home. I'm tired." So fucking tired . I wanna go home and sleep all of this away.

I continued walking off again, not missing the hurt look that settled on Hanji's face.

That night, I couldn't fall asleep. Everytime I close my eyes, memories of what happened earlier flashes inside my mind. The anger Eren showed earlier, the betrayed look on Rein's face, the way Rein broke when I said that kissing him was a mistake, it haunted me. It made me feel restless, makes the void inside my chest caused by guilt heavier and heavier each second that goes by. His words kept on resonating inside my head, the way it broke as he kept on holding his tears back...

I took a deep breath to stop myself from cracking up again. I had enough for tonight.

I turned my head to look at my nighstand, seeing that it's already past twelve, meaning that it's already Christmas. Which also means that it's my birthday.

"What a great fucking way to spend my fucking birthday. Thanks, fate. Fuck you too." I let out a sigh before my eyes landed on the picture frame I placed on my nightstand a few days prior this night. It was a picture of the three of us when we were kids, both of them smiling at the camera while I did my best to look as nonchalant as I can, although the gleam in my eyes state otherwise.

Just the sight of how we used to be sent a sharp pang to my heart, like I was stabbed with a sharp knife. Why did it come to this? I would give anything to fix everything up. I just want this to fucking stop. I want the old us back, the time where we were free of drama and are happy just by being together.

Will that even happen after this? It looks so fucking far now from reality now. Like a dream that's unattainable.

Sitting up, I reached over to my nightstand, my hand searching for the thing I hid in here a week ago. A sense of relief rushed through me once my hand had contact with the cold surface of the object, pulling it out of the nightstand, it's leather necklace following behind.

The faint light coming from the moonlight made the key glistened, blinding me for a moment before my eyes got used to it. As I stared at the key, I couldn't help but remember the night Eren gave it to me, looking at me like I'm his most prized possesion. In a way, I must be. He treated me as if I'm a precious gem, something that he is afraid to lose and break.

But Rein also treat me that way, doesn't he? He's doing his best to prove himself to me, tyring to show me that he can do what his twin can, that he can treat me the same way that Eren does. And he's enough. He's more than enough. Then why couldn't I just choose him and end everything?

My thoughts are lulling me to sleep, my entire body too exhausted with the events. And so, with Eren's key cradled in my hand, I let myself succumb to the peace the night is offering.

*****

The next day isn't much different than the others. It's not like I have plenty of acquaintances to even greet me happy birthday, and the others are busy to even bother to. The persons who would even bother to waste their time greeting me are all mad at me.

Letting out a sigh for the umpteenth time this day, I turned the shower off, taking my towel and drying myself up. After putting my clothes on, which consists of a sweater and sweatpants, I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.

After that I went to the living room, choosing a book from the pile of books on the coffee table before sitting down, setting my cup down on the coffee table in favor of clutching my book in my hands to read it.

It was silent, save for the occasional sound of the paper being flipped. It went on for an hour or so before my phone rang, a message showing on the screen.

Frowning I took it and unlocked my phone, feeling some weight on my chest lifted when I saw a familiar name flashing on the screen.

From: Shitty Glasses

08:46

Hey there, Shorty. I'm sorry about last night. I hope that you have a happy birthday today. :)

The message was able to make me smile a little.

No, I should be the one to say sorry. That was shitty of me. I apologize.

After I sent the message I was about to set my phone back on the coffee table when it chimed again. Eager, huh?

From: Shitty Glasses

08:49

It's okay, my little munchkin. I'm already used to you. I have to go, though. I'll contact you later. Happy birthday, Shorty!

Rolling my eyes, I set my phone back on the coffee table and returned my phone to the coffee table before focusing back on the book.

However, I wasn't able to be immersed in it since my doorbell suddenly rang. It made me frown in confusion. Who might that be?

Setting my book down the couch, I stood up and went to answer the door. Twisting the doorknob, I opened the door.

"What do you—" I was cut off when I saw who is standing outside my front door.

Eren was standing in front of me, wrapped up in his forest green coat and black scarf, looking at me with a sheepish smile on his face, a look that I missed seeing on him.

But...what is he doing here?

"Will you let me in?"

*****

Author's Note

Guys, the end of this story is near. I can't even believe it.

Sorry that it took this long to update. I just survived from hell week. Bless me.

I hope that you're enjoying this story even though I'm such a shitty writer. It makes me glad that you guys still support this even though it takes too long for me to update.

I wanna hear your thoughts. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think!

'Til next time then.