"Some days it's hard to see if I was a fool or you, a thief. Made it through the maze to find my one in a million. And now you're just a page torn from the story I'm building. And all I gave you is gone, tumble like it was stone. Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake, thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made, thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up."—MIIA.

••

His lips are soft and warm as they move against mine, our tongues intertwining and battling furiously. Pleasure is flowing between us like current, and the kiss begins to grow more eager and passionate. While Blaze is moving into me and pressing me against the soft sheets of his bed, my lips are not leaving his for even a second—not even to breathe.

He traverses along my cheek to get to my neck, and I close my eyes and tilt my head, inviting his mouth to visit there and stay awhile. He skims the skin of my neckline, heightening the desire surging through my body, and I can feel my arousal rapidly growing.

At this moment, I realize that my feelings for Blaze are far beyond what I had imagined. I must be losing my mind, and the alcohol must still be in my system because I suddenly feel like giving him all of me.

That's a stupid choice to make, my strict subconscious reprimands, and though she may be right, my mind is much too clouded with the wanting and desire for Blaze Xander to pay attention to her blinking red lights.

My heart is yearning for us to become closer; to become one.

His plumb lips stop their onslaught on my neck, leaving behind red blooming evidence of where his mouth had been as he raises his head to connect our gazes.

He's breathing heavily as his bottomless eyes deeply search mine as if he's seeing my naked soul. The gleam of lust in them is just as evident as the one in mine. He wants me just the same.

My chest is lifting and falling with heavy breaths, and my throat is dry from all the adrenaline and anxiety. I swallow hard, saturating a pathway for words to pass through. I want to tell him how I feel. I need to tell him—tonight.

"I..." I take a deep breath, trying to pull the rest of the sentence from my throat. "I-I like you, Blaze."

I watch as his expression softens, all the lines and creases in his face smoothing out completely. He seems a bit taken aback by my sudden confession, but I also notice a glint of something else riding on his features. He looks confused.

He doesn't say anything to my declaration; he's just there gazing at me as if at a loss for words or as if he doesn't quite understand what had just left my mouth.

••

"I like you, Blaze."

I have no idea what to say. I feel something for Harmony, I do. But fuck, I can't explain it.

I don't know what it is; I don't know what it's called, so how can I say those words back when I am not certain about what I am feeling on the inside?

I care for her; I am jealous when she's with someone else, and I love seeing her every day.

But I have heard that lust and love go hand in hand, and I don't know which one of the two I am currently feeling.

My mind is so fucked up, and this stupid ASPD is the cause of it.

I take a deep breath. "Uh... Harmony..."

"It's okay," she whispers so softly that I can hardly hear her. "You don't have to say it back, Blaze."

I sigh. I am so annoyed and frustrated with my inability to understand my own feelings. I never used to care about other humans, but Harmony makes me want to go back to that therapist woman and ask her about these sudden, weird emotions that I am experiencing. It's all coming on so sudden, confusing the fuck out of me.

She pulls my hoodie over her head and lays it aside.

I am watching her steadily as her small fingers enclose around the top button of her sleeveless top.

She begins to unhitch it, and I am suddenly frozen as the button comes undone.

Her newly made cleavage is exposing a fair amount of her chest, and it is indeed a huge turn on for me. I feel my restrained bulge growing painfully in my shorts.

She parts her lips to speak. "Can we...?"

She looks timid and uncertain, and in no time, I fill in the blanks of her unfinished sentence.

She wants us to have sex?

I blink. If I were who I was when we first met at that orientation night-out, then I would have gladly slept with her. But now, I have started to experience the emotion of guilt toward her and the bad intentions that I first approached her with are taunting my mental space.

I have her here, lying beneath me, and I could easily have her. All of her. But suddenly, it feels so wrong. If I hadn't come near her with such wicked motives, then I wouldn't feel this awful. Even though those are not my reasons for hanging around her anymore, it still feels so wrong for me to have sex with her.

I close my eyes tightly and try to fight back the burning temptation. She watches me in confusion as I hang my head and bite my lip.

"Blaze?"

"Shit. I can't. I can't do this."

I get off her in a swift.

••

I watch as he pulls away from me, now leaving me empty and cold as he sits at the edge of the bed, ruffling his hand through his hair in what seems like distress.

I am suddenly so embarrassed. I can't believe I just attempted to strip in front of him.

Who are you? My subconscious asks, and I can't blame her. I don't know who I am anymore either.

I feel tears welling in my eyes from embarrassment, and I sit up and close my button. "Why... why did you move?"

He turns his face to me. "I can't do this, Harmony." He sighs. "I can't sleep with you."

"Why?"

He rakes a hand through his curls, and he looks gravely worried. I don't see that emotion from him very often.

I move down to where he sits, settling onto my knees. "Why, Blaze?"

"This...I don't know, this guilt just keeps..."

"Guilt?" I narrow my eyes in confusion. "Guilt about what?"

What on earth is he talking about?

He buries his face in his hands. "You don't want to know, Harmony."

I can already feel my heart shattering.

I don't want to know? That sentence in itself is so scary that I second think whether I truly want to know or not. But I'll take a shot at it. If I have to cry, I will do so and try to get over it.

"I do," I decide. "I want to know."

He doesn't say anything, so I press again impatiently. "What's the real reason?"

"Fuck." He removes his palms, and I prepare myself to digest whatever he has to say.

"I can't sleep with you... because I was just playing with you this whole time. Well, not the whole time, but for more than half of it."

I stare at him. "W-what?"

"I... When I first met you... I wanted... I wanted to sleep with you. Because you were so, well you still are, innocent and quiet. So, I made it a personal mission to break apart your shell and ruin you."

I blink my eyes. "Ruin me as in?"

"Sleep with you... I wanted to have sex with you and take away your innocence. It was a conquest, a thing I do. And you're not the first girl I've ever done it to..."

So this whole time, he was just trying to ruin me? I was just another girl on his list.

My eyes begin to sting. It's not like I wasn't given countless warnings, but perhaps I just wanted to prove everyone wrong. I wanted to form my own opinion of him; I wanted to show everyone that he isn't what they thought him to be. Because I am such a pathetic and stupid person who always wants to see the good in people.

"And... I don't know... I was only nice to you then because I wanted to do that with you, so I just stuck around you and pretended to like your company for a while..."

He should just stop talking. I am not hearing anything else because my mind is currently in turmoil. All this time, he was only trying to sleep with me. Just like what everyone said.

"But now... now I genuinely do enjoy your company, Harmony. And it's like if I am to have sex with you right now, I feel so awful..."

I lower my eyes to the mat on the floor. The tears are blurring my vision while my brain struggles to come to terms with what he's saying.

Blaze thought I was easy, and I made it seem to him like I really was. I allowed him to ruin me as he said. He took my first kiss and he was the first guy to touch me intimately—easily taking away a huge part of my purity. A part that I will never be able to get back. A part that I vowed to myself would be for my future husband.

"So..." My voice cracks and I bite down onto my lip. "Even at the party, what happened in your room... was it all a plan?"

He swallows. "Yeah... I told James to lock us in my room so we could... do that..."

I can't believe this. He lied to me.

"When I asked him for my room key, it was a code phrase. To signal to him that, he should close the door after we went up."

My breathing is slowly growing, and I am close to breaking down. And the alcohol in my system isn't making this any better.

I am embarrassed for almost stripping myself in front of him and then being rejected, I am mad that he probably doesn't feel the same about me based on how hesitant he was when I confessed, and I am disappointed in myself for ignoring all the warnings just because I wanted to see the good in him. It's obvious he doesn't feel the same about me, then why did he keep kissing and touching me and saying all those flattering things he did? Oh. To ruin me.

And it's as if I am finally registering something that I was too blind and naive to all along. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don't try to create excuses for them because you will get hurt in the end.

"I am sorry Harmony, that's not what I want anymore, okay? I promise that—"

"When..." A cry leaves my lips and I press my palms over my eyes. "Up until what point were you playing with me?"

His eyes soften. "Harmony."

"Tell me!"

He takes a deep breath. "I'd say up until what happened at the beach."

Oh, God. I recall the events that took place at the beachside that day. How we kissed, how I moaned his name and suddenly I feel so embarrassed with myself. I barely knew him, and I opened my legs so easily and got taken advantage of so effortlessly. What on earth have I done?

I gasp and stand up, and Blaze gets up behind me.

"Harmony. Look, I don't want that anymore. I genuinely feel something and—"

I turn to him with salty fluids streaking down my face. "You were doing exactly what everyone said you were doing to me. It was all a trick Blaze. Why did you deceive me? Why did you do that to me? You didn't know me, and I have never done anything to you for you to have targeted me like that!"

"Harmony."

"Why'd you stop?! Why did you stop?! You clearly could have gotten what you wanted because there I was lying beneath you and taking my clothes off like an idiot!"

He approaches me. "Harmony, listen. I don't want that anymore, okay? I... I don't need that anymore."

How can I believe him? When he's such a professional liar.

"You said James locked us in your room that night, but you were the one who told him to do that, and you lied to me! I must have looked so stupid to you! You must have enjoyed how naive and silly I was! How many other lies have you told me? Huh?! How many?!"

A spark of what looks like sadness flashes in his eyes, and if he wasn't such a great pretender, I would have fallen for it.

"I am sorry that—"

"That what? That I ground on you and let you touch me when it was all part of your little mission to ruin me?"

He sighs. "Please don't talk like that. It... it wasn't all a plan. All of it wasn't a plan, okay? I was feeling something..."

Professional liar.

"Were you? You weren't feeling anything!" I cried. "You're cold and you're heartless! What's stopping you, huh? What stopped you just now from getting what you've been wanting from me?!"

He exhales. "I don't know."

"What held you back?" I prod, tears leaving my eyes. "Do...you...Do you like me?"

His gaze softens and he doesn't say anything, forking a hand through his hair instead. His silence tells me all I need to know but I want to hear the answer from his mouth.

"Do you?"

"I don't know..." He breathes. "I mean, I can't love anyone."

Ouch.

No. It's not that he can't love anyone, he just doesn't want to love me. He's just not feeling anything for me.

"The thing is with you, I feel something, there is something there. But I don't know what it is, okay? I have never felt like this before so I can't explain it..."

"No, you have," I say softly. "You have Blaze! You have felt this way with all the other girls you tricked. I ignored everyone!" My eyes are red with tears, my lips quivering uncontrollably. "And you... you played me for a fool."

I turn away to leave when he grasps my arm.

"Harmony. Wait."

"Stay away from me please." I pull my arm away as I open the door and storm out of his room.

I manage to walk to my dorm while sobbing my eyes out. I slide onto the floor, my back pressed against the door as I hang my head between my knees.

"He's just using you to get what he wants."

"Be careful, he only wants one thing."

"Blaze don't keep friends with a girl unless he wants to sleep with her."

"He only wants to take you to bed, honey."

"Harmony, I am just scared for you. Stay away from him."

Everyone warned me, so I have no right to be this surprised. But it still hurts to know that this whole time I was just another girl on his list, and the fact that I made myself seem so easy makes me even more heartbroken. The main pain comes from the fact that I gave so much, and yet get nothing in return but rejection and a confession that all he wanted was to take away my innocence.

I have fallen for him, and he obviously doesn't feel the same. To him, I was only entertainment.

My phone dings with a notification, and between my choked sobs, I pull it from my pocket to see a text from an unknown number.

I am too broken to reply, so I clutch my cell in my palms and rest my head on my knees while the tears continue to trail along my face.

~

"A scar I can't reverse, and the more it heals, the worse it hurts. Gave you every piece of me no wonder it's missin'. Don't know how to be so close to someone so distant." —MIIA.