《Rescue My Drowning Heart | COMPLETED》You're Still On My Mind
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"Feeling used, but I'm still missing you and I can't see the end of this, just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but I still can't seem to tell you why it hurts me every time I see you, realize how much I need you." —Gnash & Olivia O'Brien.
••
I have no right to be mad at Blaze, right?
Everyone warned me, including himself. He did say that he may emotionally destroy me. But it still hurts because, in my head, I was secretly hoping that he felt the same. It hurts to be viewed as easy to someone, and it hurts even more when you give them the impression that you are.
I spent longer in the shower this morning so I can get all the tears out before heading to class. My eyes are red with bags underneath them, and though I am not a makeup person, I think it's essential for today. I dab some face powder under the dark area beneath my eyes and apply a little lip balm so that my lips won't appear cracked and pale.
When I step out of the bathroom, April is up and making her bed, swinging a half-smile in my direction.
"Good morning, you spent an hour in there, you alright?"
I sigh. "Yeah. Sorry..."
I walk to my bed to grab something to wear from my suitcase, and at the corner of my eyes, I can see that she's watching me closely. She hops down from her section with a quiet exhale as she folds her arms.
"So... I heard that last night you were dancing with Kite, and then Blaze got mad and pulled you away; what happened between you two?"
I'd prefer not to talk about that right now. I would only break down into tears all over again.
"Nothing..." I mumble, closing the zipper on my carrier.
"He took you back here, right? What happened after that?"
I will tell April everything since all is already said and done, but not right now. I feel like I need to reach a point where I can call his name and not cry my eyes out like a depressed individual.
"Nothing happened between us..."
She takes a deep breath, and her eyes are clouded with sympathy as she bobs her head slowly. She has probably caught on to a lot more than I may think, but she decides to let it go, and I am so grateful.
"Alright. Well, I'm going to take a shower, alright?"
I nod, still not looking at her as she purses her lips and walks away.
I hope she understands that I don't wish to speak about her cousin right now and the fact that he took my first kiss and touched me just so that he could satisfy his evil curiosity. I need some time to recover from it all.
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••
"Harmony, wait up!"
A breathless yelling of my name makes me turn around to see a gasping Mal making his way up to me. Sweat is trickling down his forehead, and if it were a great day for me, I would have run a joke or two about his constant chasing behind me.
"Good morning." He smiles.
I return the gesture, but quite half-heartedly.
His eyes narrow observantly as he studies my face. "You okay? Your eyes seem a bit swollen...?"
Damn you, stupid foundation. I should take it back to the store. It said a thick layer on the bottle.
I look away and nod. "Yeah, I am great, thanks. What is it?"
"Oh, alright. Guess who got fired from this school?"
I lack the energy for guess games, so I just shrug my shoulders without even lifting a brain cell.
"Mr. Jones. I heard he tried to molest a girl in his office and confessed about it to the Chairman. They kicked him out and someone said they saw some cops leaving the campus with him."
Now, that is enough to earn a reaction out of me. My eyes enlarge at the information. "Really? Did they say who the girl was?"
"Nah, the school is keeping that confidential as usual. But it is funny because we were calling him boring the other day. It's as if we jinxed his whole damn career. Who tries to molest someone and then turn themselves in?" And he chuckles, shaking his head.
I know how stubborn Mr. Jones can be and I know for a fact that it was Blaze's doing. He did something so that Mr. Jones could leave here and never bother me again. I feel my fractured heart soften in my chest.
But maybe this was all a part of his plan to get inside my jeans. Why would he even go to that extent to sleep with someone? I am grateful the English Professor won't be here anymore, but I am sad that behind that fact is probably the truth that Blaze just wanted to get in my head so that I would easily spread my legs for him.
"Hey guess what?"
Again? I lack the energy for mind games.
"My sister has finally shown signs of recovery and will be back to college soon."
"Your sister? You mean the one that..."
"Yeah." Mal's expression drastically changes to one of hostility. "The one Blaze messed up. You may not know this, but we were all friends you see, I used to be a part of their group."
Okay, this is useful information.
"Which group?" I ask.
"You know, Blaze, James, April, and the other two girls. My sister and I used to hang out with them, but after Blaze slept with her and abandoned her, we stopped talking to them. We did up to the point where he kept bringing other girls around her to ward her off from him and so on. So, after a while, I just avoided them. They are all so fake. I mean, April will always stick up for her cousin. No matter what she says, she will never solely be on your side. She loves him way too much."
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I sigh. "Have your sister gotten over him?"
"She took down the last of his photos from her wall last week."
I blink my eyes. "Wait. She had his photos on her wall?"
Okay. That indeed is kind of creepy...or crazy maybe? Was she that hung up on Blaze that she even had his photos on her wall? I kind of see why she would attempt to kill herself. She was in way too deep.
"Yeah, she had all his pictures she got from Facebook on the walls of her room. She loved him a lot."
Somehow, I feel like that has grown far past love and has reached a level of obsession. But who am I to judge someone, right? When I am also a victim of the great notorious Blaze Xander.
I smile. "I am glad she's fine Mal. I can't wait to meet her."
••
Lunch swings by quite fast and I am glad because I just want this day to be over and done with. I want the whole week to be over and done with for that matter. I am planning on heading home to spend the weekend with my mom and probably visit Collum and see if we could catch up. We haven't been speaking much like we once used to.
I stand at the snack bar waiting for my usual lunch. I decide to eat in the dorm alone today and watch a movie on my laptop. It is indeed far better than sitting in the Cafeteria and seeing Blaze. I am not sure if I can face him, not after the events that took place last night, stemming from me dancing on a stranger, saying things I shouldn't have said to him in my drunken state, stripping in front of him like an idiot and the biggest let-down of the night? Discovering that he just wanted to get in my jeans. I prefer to stay far away from the factor of those painful memories.
Suddenly two palms press against my eyes from behind, and I jerk at the sudden contact, almost elbowing the person upon reflex.
"Guess who." The voice orders.
Seriously, what's up with everyone and their guessing this morning? I lack the drive.
"Um..." I try feeling the person's knuckles and the only hint I earn is a ring on what feels like their index finger.
"I have no idea," I conclude with a sigh.
I hear a boyish giggle and my eyes are released from their hold as the person swings to the side with a wide grin. "Hi, Harmony."
I blink. "Kite?"
I was secretly hoping it was...you know, Blaze. But considering the bad note we parted on, I guess that would be impossible.
Kite's wearing a white t-shirt and black-ripped jeans. I imagine how Blaze would look far better in the pair but flash the thoughts away. I am pathetic to be still pining for a boy who used me.
Didn't he say he attends Jaxton University though? Then why is he at Homewood?
He realizes my confused state and smiles wider if that is even possible.
"Well, I came here to see you...and my cousin. But mostly you."
"See me?" I ask bewilderedly. "For what?"
"Well, I am sorry about kissing on your neck like that last night for starters and I texted you but why do I feel like I got ignored?"
"Ma'am your order." The lady over the counter hands me my milk and sandwich, and I tell her thanks then look to see Kite gazing at my lunch with a smile of admiration.
"I didn't ignore you." I clarify. "I just... needed some time to deal with some things."
I begin to tread down the hallway at my normal pace, and he struggles to keep up with me.
Even he is getting familiar with the infamous walking speed of Harmony Skye.
"Like what? Did I mess things up between you and Blaze?"
I look at him and I have no idea why that statement makes me blush. The thought of being involved with him still makes my heart skip a beat even though I am grief-stricken by what happened last night.
"Blaze isn't my boyfriend," I inform him.
"Oh well, he could have fooled me. What a relief." Immediately, he buoyantly throws an arm around my neck, and I stiffen rigidly at the action. "I am unfamiliar with where the Cafeteria is located. Could you take me there?"
"Sorry, but I am not going in that direction."
He sighs and flashes me a pleading gaze. "Please? I am not used to this school and Tia says I should meet her there."
I take a deep breath while he's blinking his eyes in desperation. I imagine what Blaze would look like doing that. Oh, God. I need help.
I don't know why I am avoiding the Cafeteria because of a boy. It is silly but I just can't face him because I am very much embarrassed by last night. But I can always show Kite the doors then return to my dorm, right?
"Okay. I'll show you."
"Awesome, be my tour guide." He removes his arm, waggling his eyebrows.
I sigh and turn away, leading the way to the Cafeteria.
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