"You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name. Pack up and leave everything, don't you see what I can bring? Can't keep this beating heart at bay. Set my midnight sorrow free, I will give you all of me. Just leave your lover, leave them for me." —Sam Smith.

••

Although Blaze said he needed space, I have been trying to get through to him, but he just won't pick his phone up. The thought of losing him scares me, and the embarrassment from that photo he received makes me feel worse. I will never get over this. It will probably scar me for life. If that was what they were aiming for, then they are successful.

I need to find Kite. I can't believe he would become clouded by jealousy and do something this despicable to me.

I pull myself up from the ground after crying my eyes out for over an hour. My legs are weak, and I can hardly feel my knees from squatting for so long. I wouldn't be surprised if I wind up sick after all this chaos.

I grab my cellphone from the pocket of my dress and dial April's number. She finally picks up the call after about four rings.

"Hello?" Her voice competes with loud music and cheers in the background, and I recall her saying she will be out of town for the night.

"April..." I wipe away the fresh tears that threaten to leave my eyes. "Do you know where I can find Kite?"

"Hold on, Harmony. I can't hear you." Her voice raises above the noise around her, and I can hear it fading out as it seems she is moving away from the area.

"Sorry, sweetie, speak again."

I sigh. "Where's Kite right now?"

"Uhm, I'll ask Tia, give me a minute." The music volumes up again as it seems she's back to the previous area to locate Tia. After what feels like a minute, she's back on the line.

"She says he boards at Jaxton sometimes, so he is probably there now."

I nod and push my hair back, frustrated. "Okay, thanks."

"Sure. Are you alright, though? What do you want with Kite?"

"I just need to talk to him about something. Thanks a lot; I'll talk to you later." I hang up before she can pose any further questions. I know April; she won't stop until she gets something out of me. And I don't think I am ready to talk about this. My mind is in a tangled mess.

I blow my cheeks out and leave Blaze's dorm to find one of the masterminds behind my sorrow.

The night is cold, and the crescent moon lights my path along with the yellow bulbs lining the lawns as I walk through the gates of Jaxton University. My eyes are red and swollen, and my feet feel as though I am walking on clouds. Emotional pain does affect you physically.

I had no idea my college days would be like this, and if I had known, I would have never enrolled in Homewood. My life has completely changed the day I stepped foot into that University.

I ask a few kids where Kite's dorm is, and a guy with honey-brown hair directs me to the room. I tell him thanks, and he asks me if I am okay, considering my eyes are bloodshot. I tell him yes, praying he doesn't ask me anything else; I am not in the mood to talk. He gets the message luckily and just scurries away without another word.

I knock on the door twice, and soon it opens to reveal a guy with dirty blonde hair. His eyes flash with a lustful gleam, but he also looks confused as he tilts his head to the side.

"Expecting a chick over Kite?!" He yells over his shoulders, his eyes not leaving mine.

I don't need to hear anything else. The fact that this is in fact Kite's room is enough. I push past the guy who stumbles to the side with wide eyes. Kite is just stepping out of the bathroom in only a pair of sports shorts, drying his hair with a white towel. "What did you just ask, dude..."

He trails off and freezes in his spot when he sees me.

"H-Harmony." He looks taken aback, and the anger boils within me as I plod over to him. "What are you—" I lift my hand and slap him across the cheek with all the strength within me.

His head tilts away, a red, painful mark forming on his skin immediately. His roommate gasps at the scene before clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Er, I'll be at the snack bar." He opens the door and quickly escapes the room.

Kite shuts his eyes and strokes the bruise before looking at me with a soft gaze. "Harmony, why—"

"Why did you do that to me?!" I scream. My voice breaks at each word, and I see his eyes crinkle with what looks like sympathy. "What did you gain from embarrassing me like that? Huh? Tell me...what did you gain? What exactly have I done to deserve that, Kite?!"

He swallows and steps forward to reach out to me. "Harmony...listen—"

I step back as if he has some contagious epidemic. "Don't. Don't touch me; you know we didn't sleep together! I didn't have sex with you, it was all a trick, a trick both you and Maddie did to ruin me; why'd you do that to me? Why on earth would you do something so insane?!"

"Because I fucking love you, is that enough?"

"You don't love me; love doesn't humiliate someone like this..."

"I am sorry, okay? But I do genuinely love you, and I hate to see you with Blaze. He doesn't deserve you."

"And you do? After what you did to me? You're insane, Kite! I hate you."

His face washes with disconsolation at my words, and I turn away to leave when he grabs my arm. "Wait."

I shrug his hand off me and step back. "If you touch me again, I will report you."

He sighs. "Fine, I fucked up, but I hope you know that it's because I care about you...and I want you Harmony, more than you know, and I don't ever chase a girl, but you? You mean so much to me and seeing you both drives me crazy."

"Apparently, since you have obviously become this insane person! Well, I hope you're happy because Blaze hates me now, okay? You got what you wanted!"

I feel the tears coming, so I turn away to walk out when he sprints into my path, extending his hand to halt my steps.

"Wait, I am sorry. Listen, I know I was wrong, but I am willing to give you what Blaze can't give to you, and that's love and loyalty. Why won't you just leave him and come to me, Harmony? I want you, and I can't give you up. Blaze lacks the capability to love you properly; what can I do to make you see how much you mean to me?"

I shake my head at how ridiculous he is. After everything, he is still being such a self-centered, psychotic bastard.

"You're insane." I spit. "I. Hate. You."

A deep hurt shines in his eyes before he slams them shut. I step past him, bumping into him in the process as I walk out.

••

Fuck.

In the past, a quaff of alcohol would make me feel better whenever something would piss me off, but the minute I see this glass of whiskey, I recall that moment I offered Harmony a drink in my room during that party. It rubs salt in my open wound, and the pain in my chest worsens.

Here I am, sitting on a stool at this bar some distance away from the school. The place is noisy and crowded, but I feel detached. Disoriented. The picture of that bastard's arms around a naked Harmony is hard to erase from my thoughts, and no amount of sleep or liquor will heal me.

This is exactly why I feared having these pathetic feelings in the first place. But there is nothing I can do about them now, I can't just 'stop feeling' when it comes to her. I can't turn them off.

I get off the barstool to leave, and the bartender waves to me from behind the counter. "Um, excuse me? You didn't pay."

I hiss. "And I didn't fucking drink it either, so throw it back into the damn bottle."

"No sir, we can't do that, you have to—"

I reach over the counter to wrench him up by his collar, and his eyes tear open in sheer fright. Calmly, I reach for the glass off the table and force it between his lips until he has no choice but to gulp the liquor down, some spilling onto his white button-downs in the process. He gags, almost choking on the liquid. I release him fiercely when the glass is empty, and he stumbles back, wiping his lips and trying to recover from the suddenly violent behavior.

"Problem solved." I turn away to leave when someone grips my shoulder from behind.

"How dare you do that someone? Do you own this bar or something?"

I roll my eyes skyward and blow my cheeks out. Just when I am certainly not in the mood for this bullshit is the day when these people decide to test my lack of tolerance.

Without even shifting a gaze to see who had groped me, I grip the offender's hand and pull him over my shoulder and onto the ground. He collides against the floor on his back, and I realize he is wearing the same uniform as the guy he is attempting to defend; he is probably a bartender as well.

I move over to him and hover above him as he gropes his spine in pain. Grabbing him by his collar, I pull him up fiercely, and the image of Kite hugging the girl who belongs to me flashes across my mind again, quite vividly.

That fucking son of a bitch.

I begin to feed the bartender with endless punches until he's a bloody mess beneath me. Bone crackling, blood spilling. My knuckle cracks and bleeds as I fist him hard and mercilessly, but somehow, I can't feel anything.

This feeling of indignation isn't foreign to me. I have felt this way before. I have done terrible things to people who have pissed me off in the past, and whenever I do, I can never feel the physical pain it causes me. It's this numb feeling I have no control over.

A few men hurry over and try to get me off the now bloody man who seems to be unconscious, but I am not through yet. I fight to be released so that I can vent some more.

However, beating this stranger offers me little to no relief, and I realize I won't feel better unless I find Kite and do the same thing, or far worse. I push the men away from me and stalk out of the bar.

I return to Homewood and immediately head to Maddie's dorm room. Impatiently, I bang a few times, raking my fingers through my hair. Fidgeting. If she doesn't come to get the door, I will be kicking it down.

Kill her. Just shove a knife through her stomach and kill her.

I flash my head.

Just wrap your hands around her neck and squeeze.

I knock again loudly. Clenching my jaw.

Soon, it opens. Her face lights up at the sight of me, an astonished and also pleased expression forming her features. The shock wears off, and her lips pull back in a smile.

"Blaze...what are you doing here?"

Judging from the satisfied gleam in her eyes, she thinks her little scheme has worked, but little does she know that Logic is the only thing saving her because my ASPD keeps giving me these negative advices in my head.

It keeps talking to me, and I am trying to shut it out, but fuck! It's so hard...

I push my way inside, and she steps back in confusion. "What's wrong?"

Use the vase on her nightstand and smash her in the head.

My expression is void and emotionless as I close the door behind me. Her eyes follow the action, and she sights the bruises on my knuckle.

"Are you okay? You're bleeding..." She reaches for my hand, but I push her wrist fiercely away from me.

Strangle her. Put your arm around her neck and strangle her.

My gaze darkens on her, and she steps back apprehensively. "Blaze?"

"What the hell did you do to Harmony?"

She shakes her head, and she's still moving away from me. My anger is clear to her, and the agitation etched on her face is satisfyingly clear to me.

"I didn't...I didn't do anything."

"And you think I am stupid to believe that? I thought I warned you to stay away from her?"

"Blaze, listen, it wasn't me okay? She was drunk and she asked to be alone with Kite so she borrowed my room—"

"Don't lie to me! I know Harmony more than I know myself, and I know she wouldn't do that, whether she was drunk or not. I also know you very well, and I am aware that you're mentally unstable enough to plan this all. It had to be you and that envious bastard Kite."

"It wasn't-it wasn't me..." Her back lands against the wall in a dead-end, and the trepidation rises within her.

I rest my hand above her head, and she shrinks back, her eyes raising to look up at me in fear.

"The last time I told you to steer far away from her or I will mentally fuck your head up, but clearly you thought I was bluffing."

"Blaze, it's not like that, it wasn't me, she—"

"I will never want you." I cut in. "Why? Because you're a psychotic, insecure, sick person who clearly needs to see a psychiatrist, you're ugly from the inside, out."

She swallows as her eyes well with water, my words cutting her deep within, and the sight of it is so gratifying.

"My biggest regret is ever fucking someone like you, and the memory is so disgusting and traumatic that I just want to vomit whenever it crosses my mind. The sex was whack, and your naked body could barely wake up my sleeping dick, but because I could easily get between those unattractive legs and take that virginity of yours, I didn't want to lose such an easy score. So, I had to imagine I was banging another chic while I was inside of you so I wouldn't end up falling asleep."

Tears roll down her cheeks, and she squeezes her eyes shut. "Stop, please."

"You were really stupid to think it would last forever; you weren't even good enough to sleep with twice. You're easy, and you lack self-respect since you opened your legs so effortlessly for a boy you barely knew. It was the worst experience I have ever had. The moans that left your lips were so annoying and sounded far worse than my neighbor's cat crying, and I desperately just wanted to ask you to shut up because the whole time you were under me, shaking and sweating, I was just thinking about blocking your number the next day. You weren't worth keeping around because you couldn't pleasure me in any way, and I didn't want to waste my time because sleeping with you was such a waste of my time."

"STOP IT!!" She screams out, shaking her head and dropping down to the floor. "Stop it, please!!"

I clench my jaw. I am not done.

Kneeling in front of her, I watch her emptily as she cries and screams. Pressing her shaking palms to her ears with a head hung between her knees, rocking back and forth.

I force her hand away from her ear before replacing it with my lips.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" I whisper, and she sobs softly, shaking her head repeatedly as if she is having a mental breakdown. "If it does, then try killing yourself again, yeah? Because that's the only thing you're good for."

I release her, and she cries louder, pushing her head between her knees and swaying to and fro. She's mumbling incoherent things as she sobs, rubbing and scraping her arms fiercely. I get up and leave her room to find the other son of a bitch behind this.

Kite.

~

✨🖤