《Ancient's Smashing Reviews》Camp Little Willow - @MayaClaridge
Advertisement
This is why I never go camping! Screw camping! Pack up boys, we're going smashing!
This week I took some time to read some of 'Camp Little Willow' by .
TLDR; A lovely teenfiction promising adventure, friendships, comedy, and potentially drama later.
Main Character: Smashing! - The MC starts off strong out the gate. Right from the word 'go' you are given some problems, likes, dislikes, impressions, and reasons for drama. This is immediately capitalized on by the other characters and the MC starts making choices that help you come to understand her as a character. There could be more exploration of other aspects of her character and make her interactions more unique with the different side characters, but that is more a fault of the side characters and world building than her.
Side Characters: Mixed bag - The SCs are a mixed bag. There are many of them. While many side characters are good, it is a problem when they are not given unique roles, characteristics, and positions relative to the MC. You have mother. Great. You have aunt. Great. You have goofy peer. Great. You have roommate. Great. Then you also have peer 2, peer 3, peer 4, and possibly peer 5. Can't tell because at that point they blend together, and that's a problem. When I think back on the story half of the side characters disappear as they basically fulfill the same roles and meaning in the story. Half of them are great and make me look forward to more interactions, but the other half make me scratch my head and struggle to remember who they are as the 'first impression' of them doesn't exist. More variety amongst them in characteristics and roles, and more meaningful first impressions would help cement them. This wouldn't be a problem if they were just guest SCs who are there for 1-2 paragraphs or a single arc like the cooks, but I get the feeling they will be used more.
Advertisement
Grammar and word usage: Minor problems at best - There were a few instances of minor problems like punctuation, but nothing that gave me any problems. There was no confusion at any point with what was written. Only noticeable if you are paying attention closely.
World Building: PAAAAAAAAAAAIN!! - Here is the story's single biggest problem. Everything else is minor and insignificant in comparison. The world building was solid at first. Later there is also promise of good stuff as there is a conflict between two forces over territory that is very meaningful and personal to the characters. Thats great, that's beautiful! But the MC and the world building is shot in the foot by how every single flash back, none of which seemed to have an ounce of meaning, is done through telling, not showing. Characters are presented that aren't in the story, but existed some point in the past, and the MC just decides to information dump me with flash backs about characters that seem to have no relevance, that don't exist in the story, and the events flash-backed-to seem to have no affect past-present-or-future on what is happening. I was sucked out of the story painfully, and this happens multiple times. This world building is so painful because it offers things that are good but also things that are equally painful to read through.
Plot: Smashing! - The plot is solid. The pacing is fast. Right from the first paragraph you are given impressions and everything works off of that. There is a bit of time early on (The entirety of chapter 2) where the plot seems to scid to a stand-still, but it resumes immediately after, with an ever faster pace, with adventure, fun, comedy, and pranks. And I love me some pranks! :D At first glance the story looks like a casual, cute sitcom, but after a few chapters there is promise of something deeper and bigger going on that makes me all the more curious.
Advertisement
Overall I would rate this a 3 smashing out of 5!
If the flashbacks are done to be more showy and relevant to the story, or just removed, then I would easily see this being 4/5. The pacing easily keeps my attention at the same rate the flashbacks threw me out, and even though half of the side characters kinda disappear into the masses the main character is interesting and personally invested into the adventure, which really is solid work.
I'm out with a smashing!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
Advertisement
- In Serial139 Chapters
Starting From Fooling the Elderly into Registering for a Cultivation Training Class
Qin Chuan arrived in a parallel world and got bound to a system.System: «Host, please guide the entire nation into cultivation.»Qin Chuan was shocked.What era are we in? Who still believes in cultivation!However, to complete his mission, he set up a cultivation training class as an attempt to get people to cultivate, and in the process of doing so, got sent to the mental hospital multiple times.He was ready to give up after all the setbacks, until he encountered a group of elderlymen and women.…A 93-year-old man of the Weapon Forging specialization was forging gear at home when he was coincidentally discovered by his great-granddaughter who was livestreaming.During his birthday banquet, a 100-year-old man of the Combat specialization flew on a sword while in high spirits.An 80-year-old lady of the Alchemy specialization was mistaken as her college-attending granddaughter’s sister while she was visiting her.
8 920 - In Serial25 Chapters
Malfus: Necromancer Unchained
Malfus, a wanted necromancer, has finally run out of luck. Not that he had much to begin with. Now he just wants to escape. Captured by an Inquisitor who would like nothing more than to see this sarcastic wizard tortured and executed for his crimes against the dead. After they are forced to take refuge in a backwater fort under siege by an army of gnolls, fate may have other plans in store for them both. Will a common enemy create an unlikely alliance? Or an opportunity for one to gain an edge against the other?
8 187 - In Serial75 Chapters
Until Then
Agnes Beatha has gone where she’s been told to go for most of her life. In a world filled with magical races, mysteries, and conflicts, she knows remarkably little. She has been sheltered from the world with its wonders and terrors for her entire life, but that can't last. Now that Agnes is no longer under her father’s roof, it is time for her to finally see the world for what it truly is. The question is; how will she handle it, and can she make a place of her own?
8 177 - In Serial23 Chapters
The Magic Ork
This is the story of a man sent to a different world, trying to adapt, to grow, and to stake his claim in his new surroundings. This man reincarnates into a forest in completely different world. And he doesn't just reincarnate as himself, boy no, he reincarnates as an ork. A green, tusked, hard-skinned, strong, ork. Watch as he rises from his lowly begginings to heights he'd never have dreamed of before (link to great artist Dyemelikeasunset)
8 175 - In Serial7 Chapters
Soul Status (HIATUS)
The MC lives in a world where having a status is commonplace but due to an incident in the past he himself has no name due to not having the ability to summon his status. Being close to 15 years old the MC must now go to school and against all odds somehow survive 3 years against people who are powered by their status. If he can't then his life will be jeopardize as the MC won't be able to get a job and he doesn't have any other options due to him being statless. Can the nameless MC somehow produce a miracle in being able to accomplish the impossible and be on par with his peers at school? *Note: I'm very new at writing and would be happy if people would point out what needs to be done to improve my story and I will try to at least post 1 chapter each week. I will also update/modify the story's tags if anything changes as the chapters go on. Soul image is found in this website https://www.circleofhope.net/blog/what-do-you-think-about-the-soul/ and the word status is a snapshot of an image found in this website https://www.shutterstock.com/search/status?searchterm=status&page=2
8 165 - In Serial56 Chapters
Supreme Empire
Our story follows a not so normal guy, who gets reincarnated into a fantasical world of Swords and Magic.Follow the journey of a Noble boy, as he goes on to become the greatest ruler this world has ever seen. All with his unique inventions and a system!
8 233

