You can go in depressed and sad, but you will come out smashing!

Next up on the queue was Allodynia by . 

TLDR; Strikes me a bit like an X-Files from the point-of-view of an experiment's victim rather than Smolder and Kelly.

Overall I'd rate it 2 smashing out of 5, its weaknesses out weigh its strengths.

Main Characters - Average - The first thing to know is that the main character suffers from a symptom called Allodynia. The story revolves around this. The author, admittedly, did most of her research after starting the story, but with updates, research, feedback from people who do suffer from it, and plenty of caring has done the best she can to bring someone who suffers from it to the written word. I went into this a bit skeptical, as the last time I read a story (Million Dollar Baby) where the MC suffers from a condition it was the worst Mary Sue, self-insert, self-pitying, victim-hood, project I'd ever touched; but this story did not turn the MC into a Mary Sue, instead someone that is human and very relatable for anyone who suffers from a similar condition. The MC has an obvious set of flaws and weaknesses within her condition, a set of not-so-obvious flaws in her personality, and strengths that come out from the same source naturally. So while I want to say she is a strong character, there are unfortunately things lacking. What does she want? What is her motivation? What are her dreams? What are her fears? What drives her? I cannot answer any of these questions (and not wanting to have allodynia doesn't count, as at the time it is presented as an impossibility and daydream) after reading the story and it seems neither can the character, as she is entirely reactionary. Its understandable. The author presented her well enough that every day is a struggle and naturally the character is entirely reactionary from it. The ability to make plans for the future like striving to be an astronaut is impossible for some people when every day is about basic survival. Yet as understandable as it is, it still produces a MC that has difficulty carrying the weight of the story.

It would be possible for the MC to carry the weight of the story if the villain, plot, or world building helped her, but none have and the MC suffers for it.

You have a villain. Which, despite the threats, come across about as dangerous as a box full of puppies and kittens. All bark, no bite. The reason is two fold and simple. 1) there is no follow-through. The villain draws lines in the sand and MC crosses it, then the villain draws another line in the sand, and the MC crosses it, then the villain draws yet another line in the sand and yet again the MC crosses it. I think if I counted the number of times this happens in the first 1-2 chapters of their meeting it would be more than 10x. This is something straight out of loony tunes. The villains threats mean absolutely nothing at any point because they don't take their own selves seriously and while reading I was left wondering if they were meant to be villains or comic relief. 2) The MC doesnt consider them, nor treats them, like a threat. Sure, she is shocked by a few things at times and at the start. But she doesn't take them seriously, doesn't take their threats seriously, and lets her personality flaws flare up without a care, also showing a possiblity she doesn't care if her family dies. Which if so, fair enough, but it seems more like a disconnection in action/dialogue/ motivation and shows how little she takes them seriously more than anything.

Combine the two and you have absolutely no tension because the villain is more or less a joke.

Side Characters - Average - The Side Characters are decent. I like the girl friend and the mother seems okay, but there hasn't been enough meaningful interaction at this point, not enough character defining moments, to really bring them out as more than okay. I don't even know if they will be returning to the story after the plot took the story, threw it into the back end of a truck, and took it away to go down a completely different rabbit hole.

Word Usage - semi-Smashing - The grammar is okay. I didn't run into issues from it. The word usage is also decent, but can come across as dry at times, like someone edited and removed so much that it took out some of the playfulness, self-expression, and fun from the writing.

World Building - PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN! - The entire story is given by information dumping. Constantly. Every thought is an information dump. Every interaction is an information dump. Every expression, even something as simple as two people holding hands where a third person's eyes fall on their joined hands and her eyes widen in shock is completely ruined by having her entire thought process information dumped. You. Dont. Need. To. Have. It. Explained. What. Is. Going. Through. Her. Head. It. Is. Obvious. Yet the story still explains every minute detail to the tenth degree. Some information dumping or dialogue explanations are fine, like it is fine to information dump what Allodynia is and means, both in its definition and ramifications, because this is something 99.999999% of people won't know or have ever heard of; but you don't need every eye-movement to be followed up by a three paragraph explanation of a character's thought process on why they glanced at something.

Then you also have the villain. The world building suffers as the source of outside pressure is a joke, as explained before.

Plot - Below Average - The story, in a nutshell, is one where there is no solid foundation to work from within the MC, world building, or villain, yet it seeks to reach for the stars with a plot that is epic. The plot completely falls apart from this. Let me explain. 

You start off nice. You got a girl who suffers from Allodynia and you get to see what she deals with and the support she has in her life. A bit information dumpy, but fine at this point to cure ignorance of the condition. Then she makes physical contact with a guy who saves her life and she is shocked at the contact doesn't hurt.

So you got a trigger. You got build up towards not being able to touch people because it hurts followed by an amazing and well done reversal. You got a very powerful plot trigger.

Yet it is a trigger that isn't used. The fact they can touch seemingly has no effect on the plot, on her, on him, or anything really. Even though it is a direct contradiction, and nay, MIRACLE, with everything shown up to this point. Instead the story immediately jumps down a rabbit hole of X-file proportions complete with kidnapping, a joke villain, human experiments (wouldn't surprise me if there were aliens with the endless escalation), and stuff that... frankly the story cannot handle because the villain offers no tension, the information dumping makes it difficult to get through, and the reactionary MC's entire motivations and goals and scope of existence is completely different from what you were introduced to and established versus what she is thrown into, and it doesn't help when the character's interactions, words, context, and motivations all are out of sync half the time.

Conclusion - The story is a love project and I adore that. This much is obvious, but it seeks to emphasis plot and scale with constant escalation as if the story presented initially, based simply on the Allodynia and the miraculous touch that didn't hurt her, is not enough. Then the escalation doesn't work because interactions within characters are out of sync for themselves, there is no tension, and the tiniest interaction is information dumped. Personally, I would love to read a story of a simple person with this condition struggling to go day by day with potential bullies where there is a friendship/romance with a miraculous person she can, for the first time in her life, touch. I don't mind the plot as it is currently presented in what it tries to do, but it simply lacks a foundation in itself to escalate from while changing the tone from a high school romance to X-Files horror.

I'm out with a smashing!

If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.