(Trigger: panic attack, mention of past suicide attempts, suicide attempt, blood)

Alfred shut his front door, breathing heavily. He has let his tears run down his face, the insults still fresh in his mind. He slid down against the door and covered his face and ears. He pulled his knees to his chest and listened to his heartbeat, trying to ease his irregular breathing.

He let out a sob that echoed off the walls of his giant house. He was so alone. So miserable. So fake. He just wanted to fade away forever, but he knew that he would eventually come back. He had tried so many times in so many ways.

Overdose

Jumping off a building

Slitting his throat

Slitting his wrists

Hanging himself

Drowning

Decapitating

Disembowelling

Burning

God, he wished he could just die. Just fade away and never have to deal with any of this. He didn't even care if there was an afterlife, he just wants out of this hell he's living! He stood up and ran for the knives, grabbing a large one and positioning it over his heart. He had never tried this. The knife pierced his shirt. Maybe this would work. Blood trickled down his chest. Maybe he could finally... The blade had barely sunken into his skin, when...he heard his front door open and the cries of children. He recognized them. Texas, DC, and Illinois. He dropped the knife with a clatter and slunk to the floor, hearing the cries of his siblings as he lost consciousness.

DC rushed to her older brother's side, taking off his prized jacket and taking off his shirt. It wasn't such a deep cut, but it would need stitches. She grabbed his white shirt and placed it over the wound. "Illi! GET THE BANDAGES. NOW!" Illinois obeyed and scrambled to the bathroom. Texas was nearly in tears but helped DC apply pressure.

Illinois returned with a medkit, sewing supplies, and alcohol. The three quickly began helping their brother.

-Time skip-

America was in a field of sunflowers and roses. The wind was blowing lightly, cooling his face. This place seemed so familiar, yet he knew he didn't remember. It was raining heavily and there was a group up ahead dressed in black. He stood up and was about to speak to them when one of the people stepped aside just enough for him to see a grave. His grave.

Here lies Alfred F. Jones,

Beloved brother, and friend

He felt shock go through his body, freezing him in place. He heard the sobs of his family, crying softly. The kids he had raised. He hadn't thought about how his deaths affected them, he had been so selfish... Then he saw Alaska, his youngest sibling who wasn't much older than a toddler at that time, bawling her eyes out on her knees and clutching a sunflower. How could he have done this to his family? His siblings? ...

He realized Canada wasn't present and felt his heart sink even further. He remembered now. The states had kept all of his suicides secret for the sake of all of America. All of the pain he put them through. All the stress and sadness. The things he tried to shield them from. Yet he had been the main cause.

Before he could stop it, the voices of the states flooded his mind, cold and unforgiving. Tears streamed down his skin, he clutched his face and hid it. He stayed silent, with a sniffle here and there. How could I? He thought, how could I leave them?! What kind of monster am I?! I caused all of them so much agony! And I dare call myself a superpower? I ...I don't deserve to feel happy. I don't deserve to feel anything!

America shot up, tears cascading down his face as his breath quickened. His nails were sunken into his palms and there was a bandage on his chest. He heard quiet snoring and saw Alaska at the bottom of the bed on a chair, sleeping with a tear-stained face. He held back a sob and picked up his little sister, hugging her. He felt her stir and wake up, then hug back tightly.

"Big brother!" She cried, squeezing tighter. "I-I thought you were gone!!" My heart shattered as her sobs filled the room. I hugged her close and apologized. Apologized for everything he put her through.

"No. You were sad, and you couldn't show it, so you got sadder. Texas said that's what happened. That you got very sad and wanted to go see your mom." She sniffled. I froze. "You don't need to say sorry. You did nothing wrong."

America let out a whimper and hugged his sister. The door opened and DC walked in, tears streaming down her face. She ran forward and hugged America, squeezing just as tight as the eight-year-old on his lap. Soon enough, all fifty states were crying and hugging their brother/father figure.

When they finally stopped, DC slapped him, making everyone wince. America didn't take that much offence, after all, he deserved it. She was crying again. "You jerk! You made us all so worried! What the hell were you thinking, doing something so stupid and selfish?!" She yelled.

He turned to her, no emotion but sympathy in his eyes. "I know you guys had to bury me." He mumbled. DC seemed taken aback.

"Wh-what?"

"In the field of sunflowers and roses. When I first...tried to visit my mom." He said, taking note of the eight-year-old in the room. Texas visibly shifted. "I was so absurd and careless back then, I didn't even factor in your feelings." He frowned sadly. He heard the doorbell echo throughout the house and froze. He began to panic. "Did you guys call somebody?" He asked frantically. DC shook her head and Texas armed himself.

The two went downstairs to investigate and opened the door. Canada, France, and England were on the other side, along with Maria and Diego. Canada sharply inhaled and looked at England and France. "qui es-tu?" He asked, examining the two states.

Texas instinctively slammed the door. DC turned to her brother and gave him a look that said 'why the f*ck would you do that??' Texas pulled her away from the door before speaking. "America had always told us not to interact with the nations!"

"Well we have to or they won't go away!"

"But-"

"No buts! Go back upstairs and go bandage Alfred's hands."

Texas sighed and ran back upstairs. DC took a deep breath and opened the door. "Sorry about my brother," she apologized quickly, "He can be a little protective of me around strangers." She said, awkwardly laughing. Canada raised an eyebrow at her act but shrugged.

England didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. "We are just here to check up on America," England said, pushing the door open slightly more. DC blocked the way and stared at the three nations, smiling. She needed a believable excuse. "He isn't here." She said. That will do. She thought to herself. Canada seemed doubtful but didn't push. England stayed silent and Francis stepped forward.

"Oh, in that case, Mademoiselle, could you tell him we're very worried?"

"Sure. I'll deliver the message." She said robotically, mentally facepalming and cursing herself out. She shut the door and gave the all-clear for the states to come downstairs again.