So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye

Wherever we're standing

I won't take you for granted

'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

~~~

"So you two are back together again?" Brendon snuggled close to Ryan with a content smile on.

"Seeing as he's been by my side like some leech, I couldn't get away even if I wanted to." Brendon looked up with a pout on his lips and puppy dog eyes. "Not that I want to. Don't worry." Ryan kissed the tip of Brendon's nose, successfully getting the man to smile again.

"And you're okay with all of this, his situation and all?" Brendon stayed watching Ryan, waiting for a reaction. Ryan's eyebrows rose in surprise before settling on a a weak smile. Brendon wished he could unsee the amount of sorrow sitting in his lover's eyes. He cleared his throat and pulled from Brendon. He got to his feet and turned to Brendon.

"I should be getting ready for work. I can't make Gerard cover for me again."

"Right," Brendon said with an uneasy smile. Ryan bent down and kissed him on the head before turning to the door. When he reached the door, he stopped and spun around.

"Why don't you come with me?"

"What am I going to do at your work?"

"Get checked out."

"Ryan, I don't --"

"I know. I know. It's just you're still sick and it'll be good to take some antibiotics to help get better. I also wanted to," Ryan's voice slowly came to a stop. He looked away and took a deep breath. "I wanna know how much..." He looked away and squeezed his eyes shut. "How long until," he trailed off again. Brendon felt his heart clenched as he watched Ryan struggled to get his words out. "I won't force you but I want to know how much time we have together. So please... come with me to the hospital."

~~~

"You don't have to be so nervous," Tyler said with a small chuckle. Brendon winced as the doctor pierced a needle into his arm. He shut his eyes, failing at keeping his body from tensing.

"Bren, you're crushing my fingers." He looked over at his friend and gave an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Spence." When his fingers were released, Spencer stepped back and cradled his hand.

"Ryan's lucky he's not here to hold your hand or his career would be over," Spencer mumbled as he flexed and unflexed his fingers. Tyler let an amused laugh.

"I'm surprised Ryan's not here right now."

"He said he had some business to take care of," Brendon answered, still tense as his blood was being drawn. Tyler rubbed Brendon's arm, reminding him that he needed to relax.

"We're almost done. I just need a couple more samples." Brendon frowned. He really hated this.

"You know I was wondering why Ryan asked you to do this and not Jon," Spencer thought out loud. His eyes went wide after processing what he said. "Not that I think he's a better doctor than you or anything. It's just Jon was the only one that's been doing Brendon's checkups. I'm sure he's relieved though because he hated Brendon."

"Spencer!"

"What? It's true. You know it's true." Brendon turned away and pouted. Tyler was finding it harder to keep his professional face on as another laugh came out. He shook his head and prepared a tube for another sample.

"It's fine. If I had to guess, I think it would have something to do with their fight."

"Their fight?" The friends questioned in unison.

"Mmhm. Ryan came in looking like a complete wreck last week and started yelling at Jon. They haven't spoken since."

"What was the fight about?" Tyler turned his attention completely on Brendon's arm. After getting enough samples, he took the needle out of Brendon's arm and wrapped it. He turned his back to the two and labeled the tubes.

"We're all good here. I'll just send these to the lab and --"

"You know, don't you," Brendon spoke softly. He watched as Tyler's shoulders sank, still getting no response. The doctor turned around with a pitiful smile. Brendon scoffed and looked away. He really didn't need that.

"Jon told us." Brendon pressed his lips together and nodded. "Sorry buddy."

"No, it's fine. Secret was bound to get out sooner or later." Spencer grimaced, not liking the tension building in the room. Tyler shuffled on his feet a moment before speaking up.

"Right, well I'm going to send this off to the lab and should get the results in a few hours so you can hang around until then or we can give you a call."

"We'll hang around," Spencer answered.

"Alright. I'll see you two soon." Brendon kept his eyes at the window as the other two said bye. Spencer reached over and placed his hand over Brendon's.

"You okay?" Brendon slowly shook his head. He let out a stuttered breath and shook his head more.

"Spence," he whimpered.

"Yeah?" Brendon turned to him, eyes already shining with tears.

"I'm scared." Spencer squeezed his hand, not able to much more to comfort Brendon.

~~~

"I shouldn't be surprised. You'd inevitably go back to him," Jon said in a flat tone.

"You don't want me to be with him?" Ryan shouldn't have been upset about this. It's not like Jon ever kept his dislike a secret.

"Of course not," Jon said in annoyance.

"Why? What's so bad about me wanting to be with him?" Jon slammed his folders on the counter and turned to Ryan.

"You understand he's going to die right? Excuse me for wanting to protect you from that pain," Jon hissed. "I don't understand what the difference was between losing him now and losing him later."

"Time," Ryan whispered. Jon scoffed and flipped open a file, scribbling down some notes.

"You're just torturing yourself."

"He's worth it."

"Since when were you a love sick puppy who can't do anything without his owner." Ryan clenched his fist, forcing himself to control his anger.

"Once you find the one, you'll understand." Jon rolled his eyes and began talking to a nurse, updating them on one of his patients. When he was finished, Jon sighed and looked back at Ryan.

"I was just trying to do what I thought was best for you." With that, he left Ryan to stand by himself. Ryan let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

"Why do things have to be so complicated," he asked to no one specifically.

~~~

"Alright, so... uh," Tyler said uneasily as he looked down at Brendon's test results.

"It's okay," Ryan said in hopes it'd help Tyler feel more at ease. Tyler looked up at Brendon and Ryan holding hands waiting for the bad that the results would bring. He knew this kind of thing could happen to anyone, but he never imagined people he considered friends to be the ones sitting across the desk from him. "You can tell us." Tyler gave a pitiful look and nodded.

"So Brendon's white blood cell count has increased since the last time he got blood work. It's well past two hundred thousand. His platelet count seems to have started decreasing as well. It looks as if this was only recent though." Brendon flinched when he felt how tightly Ryan was starting to squeeze his hand.

"Ryan," Brendon tugged on Ryan's sleeve, trying get him to look at him. When Ryan turned to him, Brendon felt dread settle in his stomach at how pale Ryan was.

"I'm sorry, Ryan," Tyler apologized. Fear coursed through Brendon's body. He knew it was bad but without knowing the severity of the situation, it only terrified him more.

"Please someone tell me what that means." Ryan grabbed Brendon's other hand and kept their eyes locked together. Brendon felt his body trembling as tears hurried down his face. "It's really bad isn't it?" Ryan tilted his head slightly, causing a few tears to slip out. This only made Brendon cry harder. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm so sorry," he sobbed.

"Brendon, with the increase of these blood cells, the normal blood flow will be interrupted. This puts you at a high risk of respiratory failure or a stroke. It's a miracle that you haven't been experiencing more severe symptoms yet." Brendon couldn't tear his eyes from Ryan's. He forced himself to watch Ryan helplessly hurt for his love, knowing that it was his fault. "With a lowering platelet count, your body will not be able to produce clots effectively."

"I'm sorry," Brendon mouthed. He really screwed up this time.

"If your counts continue to change this quickly," Tyler paused, not wanting to continue. No matter what he says, he'd continue hurting the couple.

"How long," Ryan mumbled, eyes staying on Brendon.

"It depends. Brendon is in fair condition, considering the circumstances. At the rate of his cell reproduction, on average, a month. Maybe two."

Brendon felt himself stop breathing. He knew this moment would come eventually. Two years ago, if someone would've asked him how he felt about having two months to live, he would've said that he was okay. He'd accept it peacefully and even willingly, but things were different now.

Looking at Ryan, he could see the distant look in the man's eyes. Brendon's heart was breaking for him. If it weren't for him, Ryan wouldn't be in this situation. This was his own fault. He really shouldn't have dragged Ryan into this mess. What kind of monster would continue to put someone through this? He began pulling his hands away. The movement snapped Ryan back to reality, making his grip his boyfriend's hands tighter.

"What's wrong?" Brendon let out a weak, sarcastic laugh. What kind of question was that?

"You have to let go of me," he whispered.

"Why?" It was a suddenly déjà vu moment from the previous night and if it was anything like before, there was no use in fighting.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"You're not hurting me."

"You say that now, but later on --"

"I won't change my mind." Brendon dropped his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Ryan moved down to kneel in front of him, still not letting go of his hands. "I know this is hard for you. It's not easy for me either."

"Two months," Brendon reminded him. He opened his eyes, locking them immediately with Ryan's.

"I know. It's okay. That just means I have to work hard to fit a lifetime of love into that short amount of time." Brendon sniffled and let out a hiccup. Ryan let go of his hands and cupped Brendon's cheek. "It'll be okay." Brendon nodded a few times, putting his trust in Ryan's words. "I'm not gonna leave you, baby," Ryan whispered and brushed his thumb to wipe away the others tears.

Brendon let out a small whimper. His worry wasn't about Ryan leaving, it was about what would happen when the time came. Ryan must've read the concern in his eyes. He gave a small chuckle, leaned in and kissed one of Brendon's swollen eyes.

"I'll be okay too." Brendon shut his eyes and nodded. The couple pressed their foreheads together to feel each other's closeness. This was it then. The final countdown had begun.