You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

~~~

(A few days later)

Ryan surprised Brendon by bringing him more pastries from the bakery they'd visited together. Brendon was overjoyed at getting to try the different selections Ryan brought him. It made the evening sweeter with the two smiling and feeding each other.

Eventually, when Brendon assured him it would be okay, Ryan laid his head on the other's chest. Brendon mindlessly ran his fingers through Ryan's hair. The older man had his eyes closed, dozing in and out of consciousness. It was peaceful and quiet until Brendon spoke.

"Hey babe."

"Hmm," Ryan hummed in a drowsy voice.

"I love you," Brendon whispered in a hoarse voice. Ryan smiled gently and lifted his head to kiss Brendon's chest before snuggling back into his resting position.

"I love you too." There was another moment of silence before Brendon spoke up again. 

"Babe."

"Yes, love?"

"Can you get me some apple juice? I'm thirsty."

"Of course." Ryan nodded and climbed off his lover. When he got to his feet, he leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on Brendon's lips. "I'll be right back."

"'Kay," Brendon replied with a weak smile. Ryan left the room and went to the kitchen. He took the jug of juice from the cupboard and poured it into a glass. The front door opened, revealing Spencer on the other side. The two gave each other a nod in greeting.

"Brendon?" Spencer asked motioning to the glass.

"Yeah." 

"Glad to see he's drinking something other than water." Ryan chuckled and shrugged.

"Yeah I know."

"How is he today?"

"Better. I think he's gonna sleep soon though so make sure to say 'hi' before he does." Spencer nodded.

"Alright. I'll go in after I look through the mail." He rose up his hand of envelopes to Ryan.

"Alright. I should get back. He said he was thirsty. Don't want him waiting any longer." With that, Ryan made his way back to Brendon with the cup. "Sorry I took so long. Here's your ju-" Ryan froze at the doorway. The glass slipped from his hand, crashing to the floor. He ignored the way the carpet soaked up the liquid as he rushed to Brendon's bedside.

"Babe?" Ryan's heart leaped in his throat as his hands hovered over Brendon, not wanting to touch the man out of fear. "Babe?" Brendon laid unresponsive, eyes closed and mouth slightly agape. Ryan's eyes moved to his chest, panic rising in him when he didn't see even the slightest rise and fall movement.

"Bren," he placed one hand over the man's chest and two fingers against the side of his neck, a sob pushed passed his trembling lips when he couldn't feel a pulse. He immediately locked one hand over the other and stared pumping them on Brendon's chest.

"No, no, no. Please God, no!" He stopped pumping, pinching Brendon's nose and tilted his head slightly up before pressing their lips together and blowing into his mouth. Tears sprang from his eyes at the feeling of the man's touch already losing its warmth. After a couple breaths, he switching back to pumping his chest.

"Ryan, what the hell was that?" Spencer called out. "Why is there broken glass on the fl-" Ryan went back to Brendon's lips but couldn't seal them properly together this time. He brought his trembling hand up to Brendon's forehead, pushing his hair back and laid his head over Brendon's heart, waiting to feel a beat.

"Come on baby. Wake up," he whispered between a hiccup. His voice shook as he let out uneven breaths.

"Ryan," Spencer let out in a low voice.

"You have to open your eyes for me okay," Ryan begged as he continued to caress the man's hair. With his free hand, he grabbed hold of Brendon's hand, locking their fingers together. He didn't give any attention to Spencer coming up behind him.

"You can't leave me yet. I'm not done loving you," Ryan whimpered. Spencer placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "We need to call someone. Call for help," was Ryan's only acknowledgment to Spencer, more focused on trying to coax Brendon awake.

"Please baby. I'm not ready. I need more time. I need you. Please, please, please," he repeated, his voice weakening after each word.

"C'mon Ry. You shouldn't be seeing him like this." Spencer tried pulling him away again, but Ryan shrugged him off, refusing to leave Brendon's side. He wasn't going to accept that he already lost.

"He's not gone. It's not time yet." Spencer failed to contain his own tears, watching Ryan deny his own heartbreak. Though he didn't want to believe it either, he knew his best friend wasn't with them anymore.

"Ryan," Spencer whispered in a cracked voice. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head into Brendon's chest. His hand clenched over Brendon's head. His body jerked with every sob racking his body.

Spencer's hand was back on his shoulder, pulling him away. Ryan finally turned and collapsed into him, clutching onto his shirt. Spencer's own fists gripped the back of Ryan's shirt, needing to hold something with life. Neither could believe it. Neither wanted to believe it.

Ryan's heart cracked with each thought of what could he have done differently. What if he didn't leave? What if he brought the juice faster? Would he have had more time? And Spencer! Fuck, Spencer barely talked to him this morning. He should've gotten more time. This wasn't fair. None of this should've happened.

"We'll be okay," Spencer whispered. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, really not wanting to hear those words. How could they be okay after this? It was impossible. 

"I didn't even get to say goodbye."

~~~

A/N:

I'm so sorry... Feel free to hate me lol I know I hated myself when I wrote this chapter and even almost cried at work when I was writing it. Just so you know, this is not where it ends. There is more. I didn't know if I'd have the time later this week so while I'm procrastinating now, I decided to rip off the bandaid and post this.

If you find it in your heart to forgive me, please wish me luck. I have 2 exams and a 15 page paper due this week that I have barely started 😅