You were the better part

Of every bit of beating heart that I had

Whatever I had

I finally sat alone

Pitch black flesh and bone

Couldn't believe that you were gone

~~~

Everything after that day went too fast. Within a couple weeks, Ryan wore a faded band t-shirt and blue jeans to say goodbye all over again. The funeral was nothing big, it was something Brendon would've appreciated. When Ryan thought about it, he didn't even know what Brendon wanted. He'd never wanted to hear this kind of thing. A part of him regretted that decision, but it was too painful to bring up before.

Spencer knew though but that wasn't a surprise. He planned everything himself; the outfit, the burial spot, the wake. He did all himself with no fuss. He was able to grant his friend this one last favor and it was beautiful. There was no more than 15 people, but all trying hard to keep from crying. Some had on smiles, but their eyes were already red from crying. Ryan stood behind the crowd looking over them, seeing some in bright yellow and others in different light colors. Someone came with balloons to hand out to everyone to release at the end. Ryan refused to take one.

Spencer was the first to speak, retelling the story of their friendship, reliving how big of a pain in the ass the man was to him. The speech left the guests in pitiful chuckles mixed with stubborn tears that couldn't be held back. Spencer stopped mid speech, his own eyes watering at the memories. He excused himself and cut the remainder of his speech in order to retain the remainder of his composure.

A couple more people spoke of their time with Brendon, revealing to Ryan that they were close co-workers. Near the end, people began turning to him, expecting the boyfriend to say a few words. Ryan froze. Nothing came to mind. What could he say? That he loved him? They wouldn't understand the depths of his love and there wasn't enough time to explain. He'll miss him? That was an understatement. He wished the man never left? Wasn't that obvious? Those reasons aside, if the man's name should pass through his own lips, flashbacks would force Ryan down to his knees, reducing him to nothing but tears.

So he said nothing.

Ryan stood back as roses were tossed onto the casket as it was lowered. His last resting place being beside his grandmother who he adored before her own passing. At least they were together again. The guests wished Brendon peace and happiness wherever he was now before releasing the balloons. They soon left, leaving Ryan to stand alone. He walked up to stand at the foot of the grave, resenting the death date engraved on the plaque. It was over. Nothing could change this now. A hand patted his back but he didn't turn.

"I'll take you home," the man spoke. Ryan took a deep breath, knowing that he would eventually need to leave Brendon's side. That just brought more pain that he really didn't want to think about. He turned to Spencer, seeing heavy bags under his eyes. Ryan really shouldn't cause the man any more trouble. It wasn't like he was the only one suffering here.

"Okay," he mouthed and followed Spencer out of the cemetery, leaving his love to rest behind him.

~~~

A/N:

I'm sorry for being gone so long and to come back with this short, depressing chapter!!! I'm literally posting this during one of my classes. The passed two weeks have been hectic but it's looking better now. Potential regular updates again?? Hopefully