Chris Evans.

If you are reading this then I somehow succeeded in getting this notebook to you on my graduation day. I don't know if I got to hand this to you personally, or if I just sent it to your P.O Box- whatever method I used, I'm just glad it's in your hands. Everything I am about to write will be an assumption as I do not have the capabilities to predict the future. So I do not know if you'll read this notebook from cover to cover, or if you'll throw it out after the first page because it seems like the work of a deranged individual. I am unable to anticipate your actions because as much as I'd like to think I know you, I don't and I don't know if I'll ever be lucky enough to. It would be a blessing in itself to be able to handover this notebook to you, so allow me to give you a quick rundown on what's in this notebook- or at least what I'm planning to write in it.

Chris heard Denise's voice when he read her words, he seemed to always hear her voice whenever he read something of hers and it never failed to make him smile. He found it absurd that she'd surmised he'd throw away her notebook after reading the first page. Whether or not he knew who she was, his curiosity would've taken him captive and forced him to read the whole thing from cover to cover. It would've then gone without saying that he would find her because if he fell for her through her series, he would've fallen for her through her innermost thoughts and feelings. Chris stopped thinking and continued reading, letting Denise's voice speak to him once again.

I suppose I should introduce myself first to make things a little less weird. My name is Denise Hogan and I'm- well, I'll be twenty-two when you read this, but I am currently nineteen. As I'm writing this, I've got my acceptance letter into UCLA in front of me. I'll be starting my first semester in January, and I'm both terrified and excited to start this chapter of my life. The reason I'm telling you all this is because you are the reason I applied for UCLA in the first place. Without you, Chris, I'd still be trapped inside my comfort zone; I wouldn't have done what scared me; and I wouldn't be on my way to fulfilling my dream of becoming a screenwriter. Whether or not you choose to continue reading after the preface, I want you to know how grateful I am towards you. I need you to know how thankful I am because it is because of you that I have finally decided to do something with my life. I don't know if I'll make it in such a competitive industry but I want you to know that if I do, my first Oscar will be dedicated to you and everything you've unconsciously done for me.

Chris rested the notebook down on his lap, using his body as a bookmark. He ran his tongue across his lips as his eyes welled with tears. It was difficult for him not to get teary eyed every time Denise thanked him for helping her get to and through UCLA. She was always so genuine with her gratefulness and appreciation, it tugged at his heartstrings. He willingly accepted the thanks that helped her get through UCLA because he had been there for her during that time period, as her friend then boyfriend and fiancé. But he didn't even know her when she applied and got accepted, he didn't understand how- no matter her explanation, he still saw himself as a pawn rather than the king piece. He believed that with or without him, her life would've unfolded similarly because she was too smart to waste her talents. He argued with that point a lot. She'd been waiting a long time for him to read the contents of her notebook so he could realize how wrong he'd been about everything.

He picked the notebook back up and continued to read.

The journey begins with my gap year. After I graduated, I decided against going straight to college as I had no idea what I wanted to do. Majority of my class and school mates, including my best friend, knew exactly what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go. Can you believe that some of them even had it figured out in grade school? My best friend, Luca knew when she was seven that she wanted to be a journalist. When I was seven, I was still wearing paper crowns and prancing around the yard pretending to be a princess. I was lost, I had no clue as to what I wanted for myself so I abstained from higher education and worked as a waitress instead.

Have you ever felt like a fraud, Chris? 'Cause I have. Every time I was asked what I wanted to do with my life, I lied. I told people what they wanted to hear, I knew what they expected from me so I acted accordingly. But every time I said or did something that appeased those around me, I felt like a fraud. All paths I tried to walk turned out to be dead ends. It felt like I was fighting a losing battle, I'd lost hope for an extraordinary future. I wondered if I'd read it wrong, that perhaps I wasn't meant for something more.

Chris' heart ached. The thought of Denise thinking she was insignificant at any point in her life was mind-numbing, she'd been in his life for two years and it had already vastly improved. He wished he'd been there to tell her otherwise because she was wrong, she was meant for so much more.

As a kid, I turned to writing whenever I felt lost or alone. Writing was a sanctuary. I could be whoever and do whatever I wanted, I could hide behind my words and drift off into a place far from everyone else- far from myself. Writing prevented me from thinking, and believe me- when you have a mind as chaotic as mine, it was nice to be able to stop thinking. I could just be without worrying about what was expected of me, I could live in a world where nothing bad ever happened, where I had control over even the simplest things. It was truly an escape, a safe haven. And that, Chris, was where you came into play.

It was an amusing story as to why Denise began writing about Chris, a story she wished she'd kept to herself. It started with Sebastian and a want for a love triangle to unfold; it had been harmless fun for her as a fan but as Chris' fiancée, it was now a reason for her to be teased. But the reason behind why she'd stopped writing about Sebastian, why she'd begun writing about Chris as her main love interest was too sweet to let the hilarity of how she started ruin it. She'd said, and Chris could easily quote because it was one of his favorite things ever, "the more I wrote about you, the less I wanted to write about Sebastian, and the harder I fell for someone I didn't even know. You were perfect, Chris Evans. To me, for me, just- I couldn't write about anyone else."

The notebook thoroughly explained everything. It had it all: how great an inspiration he was to her, how talented she thought he was, how much she'd love to work with him one day, and how much she truly loved him. But that detail was only disclosed towards the end, after she started dating him. Towards the end the notebook became more of a journal, but instead of talking to herself she spoke to him. Her words became less formal and more casual as her relationship with him metamorphosed. The things she wrote about became moments he'd missed that she wanted him to have as well as anecdotes of how she knew he was the one for her.

A personal favorite- of his and hers- surprisingly happened before they became a couple. The day Denise skipped class and Chris took her to Burbank, and the Dolby Theater, turned out to be the day they realized they could spend the rest of their lives with the other. It may not have been their official first date but it was still incredibly memorable. That was how she labeled it in her notebook, as a "day I'm never going to forget." The memory was similarly as significant to him as it was to her, but knowing that was the moment she fell for him- its significance became incalculable. Denise didn't fall for him as a fan, she fell in-love with him as a girl; the fact that he was Chris Evans didn't even cross her mind, she just fell.

Instead of going to class today, Chris, I spent the day with you. I'd write down all the amazing things you did for me today, but that's not the point of this entry. I am not saying I'm not grateful, I could not thank you enough for the experiences I had today. You are truly an amazing human being and I am so happy to have you in my life. But the point of this entry is for me to be honest with you. I recognize the irony, by writing the truth in a notebook I don't plan on giving to you until my graduation day- I am being deceitful because I am withholding the truth. I wish I possess the courage to tell you the things running through my mind in person, but I don't and I'm sorry. For now this is the only way and I hope that changes with time.

I fell in-love with you today, Chris. I don't mean you as the actor, Chris Evans. I mean you as Chris Evans, the lovable Bostonian goofball and the man I always imagined you'd be. The more time I spend with you, the more I realize how accurate my portrayal of you is. I know you say my judgement is askew but you truly are as sweet, as kind, as thoughtful, and definitely as romantic as Fan fic Chris. I don't know if we'll ever be something more than just friends, I'm not holding out for something but I know I'd regret it if I didn't tell you this: I love you; I am in-love with you; for me, you are the one. That song 'One and Only' by Adele? When I listen to that I think of us, and more importantly how I feel about you. I know you're not oblivious to my affections, you are a smart man who has read everything I've ever written about you. But until you tell me otherwise, I will not be acting on anything. I can't lose you, I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in my life at all.

Chris felt his eyes narrow slightly as his gaze darted back to "'One and Only' by Adele." Was that a song he'd heard before? He didn't know if he should continue reading, or listen to the song before he did. He was curious about both but decided to continue reading first as he was already nearing the end.

The last few entries detailed a few other significant moments of their relationship. Moments like: the day after they got together, the trip to Boston, the rough patch, the proposal, the long weekend, and even the dinner they had with Sebastian and Luca. He smiled when he read about the play fight they had out on the grass under the stars. He was glad she thought it was worthy of being mentioned.

When he read the last word, he closed the notebook and hugged it to his chest. This was something he was going to keep in a safe, safe place where no one but him could get to. After that, he felt closer to her and fell deeper in-love with her. He had no doubts about marrying her before, but this somehow made him even more sure about the future he had with her. Neither of them were going anywhere, this was going to work out until they were both old and gray. He was sure of it, as were those who'd seen them together.

Chris carried the notebook with him as he made his way over to Denise's clutch where her phone was. He pulled it out and searched for the song, 'One and Only' by Adele. He found it, grabbed his earphones, then walked to sit back down on his original spot on the couch. He closed his eyes and allowed the music to engulf his thoughts and feelings.

You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taken me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want