and are those real angels in the magazines?

oh, is there a heaven? you'd know now you've been

my mother always told me that i would go to heaven. that if i believed there was a god i was worthy of heaven.

i wish i would have believed her then.

because maybe then i would believe that you were there now. maybe i would believe that you could see me, in the darkness of the closet, curled up on the floor. and maybe you would know that i didn't mean it.

maybe you would see that i can't eat anymore because everything turns to sawdust in my mouth. maybe you would see that i can't breathe anymore because the weight is pressing down on my chest and i've stopped trying to get it off.

maybe you would see that what i said to you, it burned into my brain. maybe you would see that i can't think anymore because when i do i think about you.

maybe you would see what i am without you.

but i didn't listen to my mother, and now i'm alone.