i don't want to be here, i don't know what to do

sometimes id rather be dead, at least them i'm with you

amen

amen, amen

my mind is breaking, and this time i can feel it. questions still hanging in the air with the resentment and anger of that night.

that's why i can't sleep, the weight of everything is suffocating me.

last night i was walking, the way we used to when we needed to talk. when we fought we would walk until everything was fixed, and then we would turn around. i needed to talk to you last night but you're gone, i kept turning to say something but you weren't there.

i know why i started walking last night, to find a way to talk to you. no matter what it meant.

but what i realized, as i walked by the street where you broke in my car window. as i walked by the diner where you made me cry just because the waiter was flirting with me. as i walked by the cafe where you made me wait outside so i didn't talk to the cute barista inside.

i realized that every time we walked you were silent, quiet and quick. you lead me into a dangerous loop of shame, of self loathing, and every time we walked you came back happy and i came back broken. even if i didn't feel it.

the last time we fought i wanted to walk. i wanted to drive myself crazy so you would love me again, so i could love you.

but instead you died.

things don't feels so suffocating anymore.

_____________________

-oof it's choppy-

-we'll get to Jisung soon I promise-