I drove JaeHyun and myself to my apartment which I had intentionally bought only a few blocks away from my new tutoring center. JaeHyun would start school soon and when I adopted him, I wanted to make sure I was close by home at all times. He was a smart child and he took things apart endlessly, making me worry he would get into something dangerous.

My previous building had been almost an hour from my old apartment so I was glad for the change. Not only was the apartment close to work, it also had a lot more space since I wasn't in the center of Seoul anymore. This meant that I could decorate a whole bedroom just for JaeHyun and I had done so as soon as I'd moved in.

As I parked the car in the underground garage, I opened the back door and brought out the sleeping boy. He wrapped his arms and legs around me tightly and I gave him an extra squeeze of affection. He wasn't very heavy, but the walk to the elevator made me somewhat breathless and I repositioned him in my arms as I waited to get up to our floor. When I got to the apartment, I took JaeHyun to his room and looked around the space.

I had painted the walls a light green since it was his favorite color and had ordered a Thomas the tank engine bed set. It was one of JaeHyun's favorite characters and he had been ecstatic when he'd seen it, making the cost to ship it overseas well worth it. I had placed a large blue rug on the floor that took up most of the room's floor space and finally added a small section as a toy and game area.

I carefully laid him down underneath the covers and sat down beside the bed on the floor. I couldn't stop thinking about KyungMi's words, they were on a constant replay in the back of my mind. I knew she was right, but I couldn't give up on trying to adopt Jae. He needed me just as much as I needed him. Even if I was still trying five or even ten years from now, I just couldn't stop. I kissed my precious boy on the forehead and left the room.

I woke up the next morning to a large object jumping up and down on my bed, shrieking about how bouncy it was and how high he was able to go in the air.

"JaeHyun-ah, you know better than that! Absolutely no bouncing on the bed. And what time is it anyway?" I was groggy and my body felt heavy and slow.

"It's ten o'clock and I'm hungry," he announced in English.

"And how do you know that? Have you learned to tell time yet?" Truthfully, though he had never been to school, I wouldn't be surprised if he had.

"I heard it on the TV. It said Pororo would come on at ten and since it's on now, it's ten o'clock," he said simply.

"Why are you so smart?" I said while laughing at his logical answer. I stroked his hair as I rose from bed and let out a light groan as my back protested the movement, my neck cracking out loud. I stood up and stretched for a few minutes, working out the kinks and thinking of the restless night I'd just had.

I hadn't slept much, just tossing and turning all night. I was worried about JaeHyun, the business, and my next home inspection from the adoption agency. Since I had moved recently, they had to examine the new place and determine if it was suitable place for JaeHyun to live in. My last apartment had barley passed because of its smaller size, but I was feeling confident now that my living space had improved.

JaeHyun followed me into the kitchen and sat down at the small breakfast bar while I took out the ingredients for homemade pancakes. JaeHyun usually ate traditional Korean breakfasts at the orphanage, but my stomach needed something more substantial than rice and soup in the mornings, so today we'd do it American style.

"Eomma, can I help too?"

"Sure, would you like to pour or mix?"

"Mix, definitely," he responded with a gleam in his eye.

He rose onto his knees in the chair and watched closely as I added in the flour, milk and eggs. I brought out a whisk and handed it to him, shifting the bowl closer to the edge of the counter so he could reach.

"Ready?" I asked him. He nodded enthusiastically and I let him go at it.

He tried to go slow at first, carefully breaking the egg yolk and trying to bring the milk into the flour. After about five seconds though, he gave up and started mixing for all he was worth. His little arm was pumping hard and it made me laugh to see him. Flour had landed on the countertop and in Jae's hair, but his proud smile as he handed me the bowl made up for my impending cleanup.

As I prepared the pancakes, I sent JaeHyun to go watch TV to keep him busy. I called him back a few minutes later and we sat down together at the table. JaeHyun was chattering as usual about the kids at the orphanage, his favorite TV shows, and how he had tried to take apart his toy dinosaur but hadn't been able to put it back together properly.

"Jae, if you're not careful you won't have any toys left," I said with a laugh.

"I'll fix Rex eventually," he said with a dismissive wave of his hands. "I just have to figure out why the sound box won't go back in properly."

"A sound box? Did someone give you tools?" I asked, shocked that he was working with a mechanical item.

"AhYoung noona was watching me while I did it," JaeHyun said guiltily. He knew I didn't like him working with electronics, but his curiosity couldn't be suppressed for long, especially when I wasn't there. Everyone at the orphanage usually just gave in to his pouty faces. I sighed in defeat and just told him to be careful.

After we finished eating, I sent JaeHyun to take a shower and then checked on him to make sure he was genuinely taking one. I didn't know what it was with little boys, but they seemed to have an aversion to water. I told him he could pick out his own outfit from the clothes that I kept at the house for him and told him to wait while I took my own shower.

I washed quicker than usual, not wanting to leave JaeHyun by himself for too long, and took out the Bantu knots that I had put in my hair the night before. My hair had shrunk until it only just reached my shoulders and I fluffed out the curls to give my hair more body.

After slicking on some good smelling lotion, I put on a pair of white jeggings, a grey blouse with white stitching around the edges and finished off the look with grey and silver flats; I liked when my outfits matched everywhere. I walked back into the living room where JaeHyun was back to watching TV.

"Ok JaeHyun, where do you want to go today?"

He looked up from the TV and ran to my side, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Let's go have a picnic at the river! They're doing the water taxis starting today!"

"Cool, let's go! You definitely look like you're ready to go to the river."

Jae really did though; he was wearing one of the cute two-piece outfits that I'd bought for him; a graphic t-shirt and checkered shorts in blue and green. He had on his bright orange sneakers that had been a gift from KyungMi that he never took off and a blue hooded jacket. He looked adorable and I had to resist picking him up and raining kisses on his still-chubby cheeks. I settled for holding his hand instead as we walked out the door and down into the building's garage.

When we arrived at the Han river, it was even more busy than I had expected. Feeling a little claustrophobic, I steered JaeHyun away from the more crowded areas and walked down further to a quieter picnic and park space. Jae picked out the spot for the blanket we carried and I unpacked the food we had bought from a street vendor on the way into the park.

Even though we had eaten just two hours ago, JaeHyun dug into his tteokboki and fish cakes like there was no tomorrow. He seemed inexhaustible and in spite of feeling groggy after eating so much, still wanted to go to the small playground area nearby. I left our blanket there to hold our space and just took the trash with me as I followed JaeHyun to the park area. He ran around with a few other children for a while as I sat on bench and watched. Sometimes he would run over to me, yelling in triumph when he jumped off the swings higher than he ever had before, or when he squashed his finger while playing tag.

Eventually he tired himself out and I ended up piggy backing him back to our blanket. JaeHyun fell asleep in my lap shortly after, and as he lay there I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling a sense of completeness. I was so content to just have him here with me; the scenery here at the river was beyond beautiful and very calming. But as I tried to think of peaceful things, unbidden thoughts of TaekWoon came to mind. His smile lingered in my thoughts and it wasn't long until I wasn't resisting the them anymore.

For some reason, I couldn't help thinking that his presence could've made this moment perfect. I caught that thought with shock, feeling uneasy. I hadn't even spent any time with TaekWoon and already I had given him too much head space. It would only get worse if I did give him the time he had wanted from me. But I knew I had to get it over with eventually; whether or not things between us would work out depended on TaekWoon himself. Not completely sure Iwas doing the right thing, I texted TaekWoon and told him to meet me, hoping against hope that this meeting wouldn't end like all the others had.