The Noryangjin fish market wasn't a place that I went to often, mostly because it was on opposite side of Seoul from where I stayed. Not to mention that the market closer to home was better for my minimal shopping needs. But for JaeHyun's love of seafood, TaekWoon and I had driven in the car for almost half an hour to get here. The clams and sea squirts that JaeHyun favored were things that I had only recently learned to make from KyungMi. Last year everyone had raved over my seafood stew and this year I was determined to outdo myself for Jae's birthday.

The day was bright and warm, a clear sign that Spring had officially come to Seoul. The sky was a bright blue color that looked almost unreal, with thick puffy clouds interspersed throughout to break up the monotony. The street was packed with vendors left and right, and people seemed to be everywhere. The low buzz wasn't unpleasant though and TaekWoon and I walked along mostly in silence, his mood probably normal, but mine pensive because of what I'd learned earlier today.

Going to TaekWoon's apartment has been a shock, mainly because I hadn't been expecting him to live with five other guys. Even though the place was somewhat spacious and well decorated, I couldn't help but speculate about TaekWoon's financial situation. I admittedly didn't know very much about the musical scene in Korea, but I did know that being a musician wasn't always profitable, no matter where you were.

However, his situation seemed somewhat more desperate than I had previously believed if he and all his band members shared only four rooms. Did TaekWoon have a part time job? Did he have trouble paying the rent? Seeing them all jammed in there like sardines had bothered me and I looked at him again as he walked beside me and tried not to stare too obviously.

Today he had on a plain white cotton V-neck, and he'd paired it with a dark blue cardigan, one that was almost gauzy, it was so thin. Both tops clung to his body and I could see the muscles in his arms clearly, although they weren't overly large. He had on another pair of black jeans and comfortable looking slip on shoes whose brand I had never heard of.

In all honesty, he looked as if he should be on the cover of GQ magazine instead of walking around with me, shopping for fish. In fact, he looked so model perfect that I wondered if maybe he wasn't eating enough. Maybe his living situation could be why he seemed so skinny and pale. A lack of adequate nutrition could do that to a person.

I kept sneaking glances at him as we scoured the markets searching for the best ingredients, checking to see if he looked hungry or particularly interested in any type of food, convincing myself that now would be an opportune time to fatten him up. I liked the way TaekWoon looked but there wouldn't be any harm in making sure he ate, at least while he was around me.

Surprisingly, TaekWoon knew quite a lot about the different types of fish and dishes that we could make from them and told me about his limited cooking experiences. I was impressed by his knowledge; it seemed that most people our age in Korea still had their mothers cooking for them or simply ate out all the time. As we moved further into the market, the crowd had steadily increased, the older generation now being overrun by the younger people who had just gotten off work.

Now at most stalls, the vendors were beginning to cook their wares, frying whole nakji, spicy tteokboki and egg tarts. The smells sent my stomach into hungry mode and I could feel it rumbling as we walked around looking for the ingredients for JaeHyun's miyeokguk. An ahjusshi at one stall called out that he had fresh bungeoppang and when TaekWoon spotted him, he pulled me away from the seaweed I was appraising and bought four on the spot.

I couldn't help but giggle at the look he made while he waited for them to cool enough to eat, his face holding all the anticipation of a kid at Christmas. With a low moan that sends shivers down my back, he devours his bread in seconds and seeing that I was still on my first, buys himself another.

After that first snack, it seemed as if I was watching a Jung TaekWoon mukbang. He wanted to eat the fresh sashimi, then the bibimbap and finally to my own distaste, handfuls of salted shrimp. I had never seen someone eat so deliciously and watching his cheeks puff out when filled with food made me realize not only how cute he was, but also that I had been wrong. Now I understood that the last thing I had to be worried about was if he was eating, it was abundantly clear that TaekWoon definitely wasn't in danger of starving. As he sucked down yet another handful of the shrimp, I mused that he must have just been naturally slim.

The further down we go into the market, the more crowded it gets and I find myself getting bumped along in the crowd. As I fight to get past a group of five girls that seem to need the whole road, TaekWoon pulls me to his side. His arm stays around me until the crowd thins out and I can feel my heart going a mile a minute. I look up at him, but he seems unaffected and I tell myself to relax. Having his arm around my shoulders shouldn't be enough to make me feel like fainting, but I want to anyway. It's with a very conscious and difficult effort that I pull myself away when I see eels for sale.

As I look for the meatiest looking one, the ahjumma talks to TaekWoon, trying to persuade him that she has the liveliest eels, and won't they be good for his stamina? She's winking at the both of us, and I try not to feel embarrassment when I start to haggle with her. She wants way too much for just a pound of eel and I know she's hoping a foreigner will fall for the high prices. But I know better and I'm still trying to reach an agreement when I see TaekWoon reaching for his wallet.

"Don't do that TaekWoon, it's ok." I push his hand away lightly, not wanting him to pay the exorbitant fee.

"Gwenchana, I don't mind paying for things. I want to pay for things you want. It's like affection," he says the word affection in English and I smile in spite of myself at his cute pronunciation.

"Anieyo, the two are completely different for me," I say, placing my hand over his own. "If you want to show affection, don't buy me things that I can pay for by myself. Instead," I say with a pause, "hold my hand."

I reached out my hand to him and for the first time became aware of the other people around us. I see TaekWoon's eyes dart around the crowded market, but he takes a deep breath and grabs onto my hand anyways. His ears take on a faint red tinge, but he's fine until the ahjumma behind the counter starts laughing loudly at us. TaekWoon ducks his head in embarrassment and I sort of want to join him as her laughing causes others to look in our direction.

I can't help but think that the situation is hilarious despite my embarrassment and I grasp his hand more firmly than before, pleased when he looks at me and his eyes slide away in an eye roll. We pay the discounted price for the eel, and as we leave the market hand in hand, I'm aware that this is the first time I've held hands with a guy so quickly. In fact, this is the first time I've even let a guy get this close in ages, to me or JaeHyun.

I don't like to make mistakes, and with so much at stake with JaeHyun and his adoption, I know that anything I do in my personal life will have either a positive or extremely negative outcome. I feel a slight freak out coming on, but I feel a reassuring squeeze on my fingers. I look up at TaekWoon, and the smile on his face steadies a heart that had begun to beat wildly in my chest. I have to be careful of TaekWoon and what this relationship might mean, even if my heart wants to free fall and just see where I'll land.

JaeHyun had been ecstatic when I'd told him that TaekWoon was coming to his birthday party. He had chattered away on the phone for almost half an hour, planning on showing "his hyung" all around his favorite places at the orphanage and the toys he had that were still intact. A big part of me was amazed that JaeHyun had formed such a close bond to TaekWoon so quickly. But I couldn't fault him because so had I. It was with a light heart that TaekWoon and I went to see JaeHyun the next day, the birthday soup already made in a large pot that TaekWoon had insisted on carrying and a smaller thermos of the miyeokguk soup in my hands, along with presents from the both of us. I had expected Jae to be waiting at the door for us, but we were already in the building and setting up for the party before KyungMi told me that he was in the backyard.

TaekWoon and I walked out together, talking of little things until we saw JaeHyun on the swing set outside. When I called to him, he ran over and I grabbed him in a hug before getting a close look at him. But when I did, I had to keep from screaming in shock.

"Jae! What happened to you?" I grabbed his small face in my hands, the bruises under his eyes and his busted lip making my head scream in alarm.

"Who hit you! Why are you like this?" My voice raised an octave as I took in the numerous bruises on his arms and legs.

"It's nothing Eomma, I got into a fight and- "

"A fight?!" I practically screamed. "You're too young to get into a fight! What's going on Jae?" I shook him a little by his arms, not understanding how this had happened. How had my baby been hurt so badly?

"Kumane, that's enough!" he said, pulling himself roughly out of my grasp. "I'm fine so stop yelling."

I let my hands fall to my sides in surprise. Jae had never spoken to me like that before and suddenly I knew that this was much more serious than a playground fight.

"JaeHyun, tell me what happened. Why were you fighting?" I asked him calmly, trying my hardest not to show the panic I was feeling.

"I don't want to tell you!" he yelled and took off, running into the field at the very back of the orphanage. I looked up at TaekWoon, tears coming unbidden down my face.

"I don't what's gotten into him," I whispered. "He's never done this before."

"Don't worry," he said with a firm squeeze to my hand. He let me go and went after JaeHyun, running to catch up to him.

I closed my hand into a fist, wanting to keep the feeling of TaekWoon's hand in mine. I was more than freaked out and worried that something was wrong with my boy then angry that some kids had obviously beaten him up. I had to hope that TaekWoon would be able to talk to him and find out what was wrong. I didn't know how to fix this and for once I had no plans. I shuffled aimlessly into the front door of the building, wiping my tears on my sleeve as I went. It was time for me to talk to KyungMi again; another visit with the adoption agency needed to happen as soon as possible. Neither myself or my son could take much more of the current situation.