QUESTION ONE (the quiz reads):

so like, have you ever felt like you were in love?

a.

no, hahahaha it's not like that... its just that whenever i see her i just get this feeling that this girl is the epitome of all patriarchal beauty and she's gonna leave my heart aflame in internal purgatory (pun intended? she makes jokes about my name and the splendid hell blazed inferno that i reside in and i laugh along because oh my gosh i love the way she laughs and how she scrunches up her nose and her freckles are fawned when summertime rolls by and it looks like god or maybe tinkerbell sprinkled pixie dust on her nose)

b.

this isn't love; this is torture. she's a cardio surgeon operating on my straining heart and the nurse is screaming dramatically "doctor! we're losing him!" like she didn't know. she knew what she did in the beginning. and now every time i catch a glimpse of her celestial beauty my heart goes into cardiac arrest

c.

i think about us growing up old together; one sloppy slip up in a busted up toyota camry where she drank one too many screwdrivers and she screwed me with her head screwed on backwards and now we've got a lil mixed kid running around like he's the king of the world. and i wake up late because billionaires don't go to work early and i'll hear the orchestral symphony of her cooking; the pots and pans clapping and something sizzling and do i smell bacon? so i walk downstairs and catch a glimpse of her butter colored hair tied up with that same red scrunchie i gave her on our first date and she'd catch a glimpse of me and say something stupid like she says every morning like "well, hello handsome" and id feel my chest do summersaults like we used to when we were young and dumb

d.

yes