"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." - C.S. Lewis

"You're just going to let her speak to me that way?" Isabel blurts out. She looks at me with hope, like I'm her savior in this awkward as fuck situation. I don't waste my breath by responding. Alessandra has it handled.

"Leave Isabel," she speaks. It's quiet, but her tone is final.

Isabel backs away. Her eyes stare into mine with so much devotion that I almost feel bad for the girl. I disregard her, though. She's just a nuisance, a stain from my past that is always risking my future with the one person that matters.

Once she's left the room, Alessandra takes her parents' hands to show them the house. Valentina goes with her happily but I can feel Antonio's glare on me.

Every time I think Alessandra and I are moving forward something happens to set us back. I can't help but think about what our lives would be like if we were not burdened by the past of Lorenzo and Rosanna Moretti. Would our wolves had taken over the night of The Marking? Would I be mated to Isabel right now?

The idea of living a life without Alessandra sounds so miserable it nearly makes me collapse. I'm not sure how I made it this long without her but the impact is already obvious.

When I look in the mirror, my hair is fuller and the shadows beneath my eyes have disappeared. The emerged on my face when I started distancing myself from Alessandra and once she left for Italy they were permanent.

It's odd how nature depicts our relationship with our bodies. Alessandra doesn't need me. She looked as beautiful as ever when she was in Italy. She met people, made friends, and had a good time.

I just let myself drown. Once my duties as alpha were complete I would just seek the closest pleasure that was attainable at the moment. Then at night I would stare at my phone screen and look at all the pictures Vincenzo sent me of Alessandra.

She never needed me, not the way that I needed her.

From upstairs I can hear the Romanos laughing. For a short moment, I wonder what it would be like to have a family, a real family. It's rude to say that my father never made me feel like I had a family but it's the truth. He was so consumed in his own misery that he never noticed my own.

The urge to see my father hits me and I decide it's best to leave Alessandra alone with her parents so they can gossip about me in peace.

It's a relatively short trek to his house. He moved out of my childhood home once I left and now it sits by the lake like a ghost from our past. It's hard to walk by it at times because I swear I can hear her laugh.

The place my dad lives in now resembles a cottage. He spends most of his time in his garden and that's where he is when I get to the property.

"The garden is looking better," I tell him. My dad doesn't really have a green thumb but he's persistent about his hobby.

"Sure does, Alessia was helping me with it the other day," he fills me in. His words puzzle me. I didn't know Alessandra came out here to visit him.

"So you're going to continue this garden even though it's burning you out?"

Garden is a nice way to describe it. It's more like a jungle that has not seen rain in a while. My dad huffs and drops the little shovel he was messing around with. He stands to his full height which is equal to mine.

"Your mom and I talked about having a garden once we retired from our alpha duties so I want to keep doing it," he explains.

"Granted we always envisioned it being at the old house but it's too painful to go back there," he adds.

"I know," I tell him.

"I hope you are treating your mate well, Zane."

"I'm trying, but it's like every time something goes right another thing has to go wrong."

"I'm assuming Isabel is the thing that is between you two?"

I nod.

"Never liked her very much," he mutters. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He's never liked her, not because of who she is but what she wasn't, my mate.

"You get it now? Nothing good comes from going against the goddess' wishes. We are given mates as a gift and if you have to wait 100 years to fall in love then you will because that's the whole goddamn point!"

He takes a step closer to me.

"Don't ruin the one thing that can save you," his voice turns melancholy.

"I don't need saving."

"I'm your father, the alpha act won't work on me."

The thing about being an alpha is that it never really stops. I cannot just magically take off my armor and left myself be vulnerable because I am with my family. It's a sad truth and too many times have alphas succumbed to it. The best alphas are typically the ones who have let go of all the things that make them weak.

My only weakness is impossible to let go, too beautiful to be hidden, and too strong to back down. It's terrifying.

"You cannot smother her," my dad says like he can hear my thoughts.

"I'm not."

He chuckles.

"It's a mistake every alpha makes. The urge to lock up your mate so you know they will never be harmed is strong but it will only cause problems."

I start to wonder if he tried this with my mom. I could never imagine my mother sitting back and hiding from a problem.

And it killed her.

My chest begins to feel tight and I know this visit is over.

"I should head back."

He gives me a short hug and I return home.

The second I open the door, I smell the sadness rolling off my mate. She's standing out on the deck with her hands gripping the thick wooden railing. The breeze carries her hair gently as if even Mother Nature knows how precious she is. My wolf whines as he senses her emotions.

I walk over to her and my hand finds the small of her back. I try to give her comfort through my touch even though I know she needs words. Words I don't have, words that cannot grace my tongue because I refuse to give myself to anyone ever again.

We stand like that for a moment. Her body remains as stiff as a statue and I yearn to tell her something, anything.

"I can't do this."

She mutters the words so softly that I almost think I'm imagining them. A part of me knew this day would come because even though the thought of letting her go kills me, I know it would be to her benefit.

"Why?"

I know why. I'm a bad mate. My heart is closed off and I'll never give her the love she could easily receive from some other guy. I come with too much baggage.

"I can't stand to live in her shadow any more. It's too much. I've already been put aside my whole life because she's the loud and outgoing one and I'm just me. I want to come first, Zane."

Her words are breathy like it took everything in her to admit her worries.

I stare at her. Confused. Out of everything, I never expected her to choose this as the reason. Here she is, as perfect as can be, and she is afraid to be in her sister's shadow.

She turns to walk away and I grip her wrist.

"Look at me."

Her eyes stare into mine with insecurity and it kills me inside because this woman has always been sure of herself.

I pull her closer and hold her face in my hands.

"How could you live in her shadow, Alessandra? It's not possible, not when you're my sun."

I hear her heart race as her eyes fill with intensity.

"Luce della mia vita."