"LOOKING BOMB SIS!

Aiden came in with his phone, showing it to Joshua; who gave me a thumbs up after checking the screen for merely a second.

Mom signaled him to show her before putting down her fork on her plate "I want to see"

"You are late for dinner Aiden" dad said after swallowing the food he was munching on "But I will forgive you if you show me"

We laughed at that before Aiden moved to show dad his phone screen which I happened to see what's displayed on it since I was sitting beside my father "You look, good honey. So beautiful" mom said with her quivering voice, she was on the verge of tears when I looked at her

"Mom! She's not wearing a wedding dress, it's a formal suit" Joshua whined when he saw her act that way

"Couldn't they make you wear something like Madeline though? Why so formal?" Aiden asked

"Because I am there as a psychiatrist, not a host"

"Still" he muttered all the while still checking the pictures but moving his feet to reach his seat

"I did take some other pictures, don't know when they will release them though" I stated filling my spoon with soup before I moved it to my mouth

"Ask Edwin" he told me, pulling his chair with one hand and releasing his phone from the other to lay it on the table

"No, I won't"

He rolled his eyes at my response "Fine" he said before he held his phone again.

"Neither will you Aiden" I held authority in my tone and that made his slight smirk that was drawn a while ago drop, knowing quite well I was aware of what he was trying to do when he held his phone in his hand again

"Fine!... I won't ask him about the date, happy?"

I went back to eating, but he didn't stop playing with his phone which made my dad a little bit angry... Just a little though "Aiden put your phone down"

"Yes dad. Sorry, I was asking for THE PICTURES" a huge grin was imprinted on his face when he looked at me with his playful eyes

"No! You didn't!" I rose from my seat and he did the same bursting in laughter and getting ready to run away from me "AIDEN!" I lunged myself at him but he was fast enough to escape in time, leaving his phone behind. I was about to follow him when I heard his phone ring

At that moment, it felt like I was in a room with four hyenas, five hands reached for the phone but one hand managed to get it...

"JOSHUA!" all of us called that one name but only two of us ran behind him while he escaped to his room

Banging on his door asking for his phone was Aiden, and waiting for the door to open was me standing there not even blinking so that my claws don't miss his body when he comes out.

"This is SO NOT you!" we heard him yell inside his room before his door opened and he looked at me dumbfounded "You look like a totally different person. That's it! You should quit your job and start a new career as a model"

"Give me my phone" the phone was easily snatched by Aiden; who looked at the pictures then at me, back to them, then at me... Ok... What was going on?

He shook his head a little, pointing his finger at me "Photoshop!" he exclaimed like he found the cure to cancer "There's no way, this" he looked me up and down "Looks like this" then he pointed to his phone

Joshua hit his head, glaring at him "You just don't know how to cherish the beauty. That is why you'll forever remain a kid"

"But there's no way is !"

"If you think your sister is not that much, then trust me, we are the same, as we share the same genes, you idiot. You're dissing yourself before dissing her"

Just how different do I look in those pictures that they are having this long and serious of a conversation?

"Can I just see them?"

"Already accepted defeat?" Joshua smiled at me

"You were bound to see them anyway, it was just the spur of the moment, that I wanted to kick both of you in the face "

"Here" Aiden gave me his phone and I looked at those pictures noticing how different I looked.. I couldn't check them after the shoot since I had to change in a hurry and leave to meet my Agoraphobia patient but these are extremely... Different from what I thought I looked like

I get why they were both confused. Even I am...

"Are you kids done yet? Can we get to see them now? Or should we call Edwin?" Mom called from downstairs

"Coming!" I yelled back taking the stairs down and crossing the living room, getting straight to the kitchen as fast as I can, leaving the phone on the table for both of my parents to check

"Thank you" mom said and turned to the phone, while dad glued his eyes straight to it not even glancing at me

"OH MY GOODNESS!" mom covered her mouth and tears formed in her eyes, well even dad had a few tears forming right there.. And here I am thinking back to the day they saw me in my wedding dress...

"Honey, you look ama-"

"Photoshopped" Aiden interrupted her and I laughed at that

Here We Go Again..

"Is everything okay with you and Edwin?"

"What?"

Joshua came into my room while I was checking my patient's records so he stayed silent for a while. But now, for some reason, he chose to break the silence and that was the first thing he chose to say.

"You heard me"

I glanced at him before I turned back to look at the screen in front of me, scanning through the words it displayed "And where did that come from?"

"You didn't like it when Aiden sent a message to Ed" he pointed out and I knew he was here for a reason... he wanted to talk. and I wasn't going to disappoint him

I closed the PC and turned to fully face him "Yeah, but it's okay. Nothing is wrong"

"You sure?"

"... I would be lying if I said yes"

"I always tell you what's on my mind, now it's your turn. What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure, I... I guess I'm afraid. And a little confused as to WHY I am"

"You know, one of the reasons as to why I asked for a divorce is because I wanted someone for me. You know; care for me, be there for me, share a life with me. But now that I found someone, it feels wrong somehow. It feels like.. Like I'm scared that I might be throwing myself too fast and it will end up in a disaster again... I guess I can't come out of this whole divorce thing with no scratch, Joshua"

His eyes trained on me with no sense of judgment, he just watched me as I unfolded in front of him "I.*sigh* I spoke with dad about you the other day "

Right... It's expected from my dad to be the first to notice things about me.

"What did he say?"

"He said that, you're forcing yourself to cope faster than how you should. And he wants you to take your time, but he knows the moment he talks to you, you will only squeeze yourself harder to get better so he doesn't worry. That's why he asked me to talk to you, he said you might feel less pressure that way"

"I... I guess I am. But, from the way I see it, there is no other way for me, Josh. I might just keep running away out of fear of messing up or breaking down again... And Edwin is a good guy, I know it, we all do. So there is no reason for me to be like this"

"Take your time... We are here and no one is rushing you, Amanda... Don't trap you fear in, just let it out, it will resolve with time, Edwin a good guy so he will reassure you when he senses it. So, you need to show it"

"I am already twenty-nine, I already wasted so much time, to just waste more on this-" I raised my hands and moved them in the air like that would make him understand what I was trying to say

"What makes you think that it was all wasted? it's- "

"The fact that I couldn't get any result out of them!" I looked to the floor, the space separating us both unable to see his reaction to my words "" I added, letting one of my many tormenting thoughts out.

"You raised a child" he responded driving my attention back to him; my eyes back to his face studying every subtle move his facial muscles did when he spoke "You took care of a household that wasn't even yours, you deprived yourself of meeting us for five years, afraid that you will want to come back and leave them... I know that...WE know that"

I've always been sorry for what I have done, it was a stupid idea but I knew what my love for them was able to do.

I would throw it all away for them and I couldn't do that...

I felt responsible in some way, I felt responsible towards Ivy, like she has left Louis and Henry for me... And that was a heavy burden to which I wasn't ready fo...

I believed that if I was to see my family, the little girl in me would run to their embrace and refuse to stay another second in her home with her family.

"Do you hate me for doing so?.. For leaving you guys" my voice broke and tears started forming but I still had my eyes trained on him... As my eyes missed him, missed five years of watching him grow with me. And no matter how hard my brain seemed to try to delete those years from its memory, they will still exist because their damage is still here, so clear and so living.

"... I hate HIM... I hate him for not being a man and appreciating you. Even if he couldn't love you for the sake of being loyal to only one woman, he should have let you breathe, sent you to us, and told you it was fine to stay here for a while to recharge yourself. HELL!! He could have come here with his son and stayed for as long as he wants!!.." He was now the one to look down, breathes in and out slowly, closes his eyes, trying to calm himself and calm his mind before he spoke again

"Amanda. Did you know that mom kept your room intact all these years, wishing you would come here and spend a night? Do you know that she bought gifts for you on your birthday every time but she couldn't send them to you? She couldn't even call you, because we all knew that we will break you the moment you heard our voices... But we had to respect your choice"

"I know. But I was so scared, Josh" I cried "I was scared that I will miss Louis more than anything... I cried when I first sent him to kindergarten, I waited and cried till he came back, i-I still miss him but-" I broke down at that moment knowing that I was still broken because of a child and might remain this way forever. Tears falling was not a big deal for me, but my hands were shaking badly and my lungs were fighting to breathe amidst all of this

At that one moment and for the first time in our whole entire lives my brother hugged me tightly like he feared I would disappear and dissolve and for the first time I realized that my little brother was now a man that I can lean on at any time

"Want to go see him?" he asked me when I calmed down

"No.. I don't know... I-I can't bear to see the hatred in his eyes anymore" I breathed out like I was getting something out of my chest when I spoke those words to him

"Then, do you want to hang out?"

I broke the hug before I lifted my head and looked at him with my pouty lips "I want ice cream"

He scanned my face, the redness of my swollen and burning eyes and the tear stains that now started to make my face feel tighter than ever, then his eyes dropped to the way my lips were. His big warm hand wiped my face before it found my hair to caress "No one would ever believe that you are the eldest" I chuckled at that and he did the same before he ruffled my hair making me whine as I have no energy to fight nor stop him...

"You can cry all you want, whenever you want, that way we will worry less about you"

"Got it... But I still want some ice cream" I informed him, moving the curtains he managed to cover my eyes with and pulling them back trying my best to fix them into some sort of a bun

"We're doing more than just ice cream, we're going on a date" he poked the tip of my nose "Just you and me"