kalani depradine

I reached my hand behind me, keeping my eyes on the road as I let Amelia hold my finger. It was the early morning on a Sunday and she was playful. She gave me no fuss when I was feeding her and when I removed her from the crib. I sighed, receiving a call from the cars bluetooth. I expected Grayson to call me. I told him we'd talk in the morning and instead I disappeared. But I wasn't going to miss church for him.

"Hello?" I answered, knowing exactly who this is.

"Where are you? Are you going to make me hunt you down? You can't just take my child without telling me," Grayson barked over the phone before I rolled my eyes. I took an exit off the main road.

"I'm going to church," I simply informed him. His shock was shown by his silence.

"Since when do you go to church?" It was an insult that until now he hadn't noticed that every Sunday morning we're gone. We've been living with him for over four months now. But he makes it a habit to be gone first thing in the morning for work.

"Since I was birthed. I need to go. I'm pulling into the parking lot," I removed my hand from Amelia to put my hands back on the wheel while I parked. The lot was full and I was excited to see this sermon.

"Send me the address," he hung up the phone without bothering to say bye. I shouldn't have expected a bye. Either way, I sent him the address to avoid argument in the future.

When I finished parking, I got out of the car and pulled Amelia's car seat out. She's usually asleep at this time of morning and I was hoping despite how she's awake, she'd still be quiet. She tends to babble sometimes.

"Good, you found a parking spot. It's packed today. I heard we have a guest pastor," my mother approached my car, a glow in her eyes when she looked at Amelia. "Look at my gorgeous little granddaughter. Don't you look so pretty in your little dress," her voice went high, the pad of her thumb running against Amelia's cheek. I looked behind her, seeing my siblings waiting at the entrance like they usually do. We've all moved from my parents home. But church is something that's stuck with all of us. It's used as a time to catch up every week because we usually go out for lunch right after.

We walked to the entrance and I hugged each of my siblings. Like he normally does, Jamal removed the car seat from my hands to carry for me. We spoke for a minute and before we were about to go inside, our attention went to the loud vehicle entering the parking lot. It's colour and model was the exact same as Grayson's McLaren and as soon as he exited the vehicle, it was clearly Grayson. He was wearing his usual suit and his hair was done nicely.

"Celia, you look lovely," Grayson greeted my mother and I didn't need to feel her cheeks to know they were heating up. She was flattered by his compliment and even more flattered he hugged her. He's not a hugger so he was clearly doing it to make me happy. "Taya," he gave her nothing but a head nod, obviously throwing her off.

"Kalani didn't tell us you were coming," Jamal pointed out after they shook hands.

"I'm usually busy Sunday mornings, but thought I would free some time to find out where these two sneak off to every Sunday," Grayson sounded like he was accusing me of something. I'm the only one who caught the tone of his voice.

"You'll love the service," Taya put her input in which went uncared for from Grayson. Jamal cleared his throat, gesturing for us to all go inside. We walked through the foyer and then into the large auditorium where the service was being held. Singing had already begun and it took us a while to find seats for all of us.

"Why are you here?" I gritted through my teeth, the worship songs being sung.

"Why else other than to praise Jesus Christ himself?" His voice was flat and face gave no emotions. Surely his mother dropped him on his head as a child. But I wasn't going to let him ruin my Sunday morning.

I sang the songs, having the brick wall of Grayson be to my right while the rest of my family was to the left Having him here was weird and nice at the same time. What if coming to church with me could be something we do every Sunday together? He seemed interested in the sermon. His face remained the same, but he nodded when others said amen and clapped his hands when people clapped. For most of the sermon, his arm rested on the back of my seat. His fingers would brush my shoulder and I don't even think he noticed he was playing with my hair.

"Are you joining us for lunch, Grayson?" Taya asked as we all left the building and were now in the parking lot. The sermon was good and the fresh start I needed for my week. I really needed to clear my head this morning after the conversation Grayson and I had last night.

Grayson looked down at me, almost like he was waiting to hear if I wanted him there. But Sundays are usually the day where I can relax and not be stressed out about anything. He's currently the one thing in my life stressing me out.

"He better. Because I call going in the McLaren," Yadiel quickly claimed Grayson's passenger seat.

"Work has been busier than usual. I could only spare a few hours," Grayson read my face. As soon as we made eye contact, I looked away. "Maybe another time. I think it would be great if you all came for dinner at our place one of these days." I shot my head up. I didn't know these were plans he had thought of. But instead of me asking questions, I smiled and went along with it like we made the plans together. He kissed my head then walked away to the parking lot.

Lunch with my family was more tense than usual. It was my doing and my eldest brother had caught onto me. Growing up, I was always closer to him than my sister. He was like a father and has always been good with his emotions. He's an emotionally intelligent man.

"What's on your mind?" Jamal whispered, knowing my feelings aren't something I would be comfortable sharing with the rest of the table. My father was now here and joining us for lunch. He never shows up to church but is always here for the lunch.

"Grayson and I are getting married," the words slipped from my mouth and I watched his jaw drop. Having a baby with my one night stand is one thing, but marrying him is a whole other. "It has nothing to do with love. I mean, not at first. It was because I wanted to help him become CEO and I thought why not. I never cared for marriage and I already have a baby with him, so it won't be a big deal. But now feelings are getting in the mix and it's so confusing."

"Holy shit," he spoke under his breath, receiving small nods from me. This is complicated beyond words and I wish there was a simple explanation for why I'm icing him out, but I don't have one. I'm just butt hurt he would hold another woman the same way he holds me, and allow people to not only take pictures, but allow them to create this story that they're dating. All because he wants the publicity for his company. Am I crazy for feeling upset about this?

I also can't help but feel insecure in Grayson and I's relationship. Girls like Marianne and Bria aren't cut from the same thread as me. They're poised and raised to be a perfect wife for these men in their world. I'm not. I know the things he'd expect from me—a perfect trophy wife. What if I'm not and I just end up being a disappointment and a waste of a marriage for him?

After I finished with lunch, I thought it would be a good idea to continue to spend some time away from home. I wasn't ready to see Grayson and just wanted space. Ariana was thankfully free and agreed to go shopping with me. My closet was full, but I wanted to shop for simple decor around the house.

"These would look amazing in his home office. He doesn't have drapes in there," I admired dark navy drapes while Ariana rocked the stroller back and forth. We were at a furniture store, originally because I came to the conclusion of needing a rug in my room. But I've not only managed to find a rug, but also drapes and wash cloths for one of the guest bathrooms. Living with Grayson has made me an interior designer.

"Look, she's smiling!" Ariana poked at her cheeks, getting small little giggles from Amelia.

"Do you think red would be too bold? Too Christmasy?" I questioned when I noticed red and black drapes hung up. Ariana wasn't much help because she was too focused on Amelia's gummy smile. I've seen it appear when she's with Grayson. He makes her smile and it's definitely adorable. She has his smile.

I was so focused on deciding which drapes would look best that I hadn't even noticed Bria walking towards us. It didn't at all seem coincidental. She approached us like it was her sole purpose for entering the store. Ariana's gaze went up and her face revealed how immediately intimidated she was by Bria's height. She was wearing heels and I hated how she hovered. Bria glanced to the side, looking at Amelia in the stroller.

"God, she's a replica of Grayson. She's adorable," she crouched down, letting her fingers touch Amelia's small hands. Not knowing any better, Amelia wrapped her hand around her finger, making Bria smile. "They're so innocent at this age. They don't know anything. You're the one to mold them and hope they turn out decent," she whispered more to herself. Well, that was fucking weird.

"Can I help you?" I placed the dark navy drapes in the shopping cart. Pulling her attention from Amelia, Bria rose to her full height to look at me. She didn't look devious. For once she looked at me as an equal, someone of the same status. Someone she respects.

"We haven't gotten off on the best foot," Bria began and I watched her swallow air. "I was butt hurt about the downfall of Grayson and I's arrangement. But it had nothing to do with you. I was jealous. You're gorgeous and he looks at you like you're a fallen star. I wanted that, but I shouldn't have blamed you."

"Is this an apology?" I wouldn't expect such a thing from her.

"The closest one you'll ever get from me," she chuckled, staring down at the ground. "Grayson isn't a good man. I accepted that a long time ago. You share a child with him, and he seems...happy. You seem to be making him into an exceptional husband," it sounded like she was forcing herself to say this all to me

She went through her handbag and pulled out a paper with a number. "My phone number is on the back. If you ever need anything from me, please don't hesitate to call me. Woman in his world are seen as nothing but pawns. We need to stick together," the corners of her lips twitched to form a smile before she walked away.

The pressing question was her genuineness. Were her words coming from a place of genuine concern, or did she just want to see me fall?

"Women in his world are seen as nothing but pawns."

Ariana and I finished our shopping and by the time I got home, Grayson still wasn't home. I stayed in the living room cuddled onto the couch after putting Amelia to asleep.

The front door opened, quiet footsteps leading to the kitchen. With the open concept, Grayson turned on the kitchen light and could see me sitting in the living room reading my book. My eyes scanned him for anything to give away what he's thinking. By his attire, I knew after church he spent the rest of his day at his office in the city. Or maybe he could've been with Marianne? Fuck, my head was spiralling. I hated admitting I was waiting up for him. It was almost ten and I wanted to make sure he arrived home at a decent time.

"Who is it?" Grayson referred to the author I was reading. He walked to his drink cart, pouring himself a glass of scotch. He only drinks when he's stressed and I wanted to ask him if everything at work was okay, but I had to stop myself.

"Lauren Asher," I closed my book, folding up my blanket.

"Are you going to spend another night in the guest room or are you going to come back to our bed?" Grayson chugged down his drink then turned to look at me. "Are you not done punishing me?"

"I'm not punishing you," I quickly replied back.

"Then what is this about? Because that's exactly what this feels like. It feels like torture, Lani. Not talking to you. Not having you in my bed. Not touching you. I don't like this," he complained as if he was incapable of understanding where I was coming from. It's only been a day.

I sighed. "I'm just trying to figure out what I want and whether this is something I really want to do." Maybe I'm getting cold feet. Marriage is a serious thing and I don't know if I can commit to someone who can't be on the same page as me.

"You don't want to get married? Kalani, I need you," he emphasized, slowly stepping closer.

"I know it's what you need. But I need to figure out what I need." I originally was going to marry Grayson because I care about him so much I would marry him. But is marriage what I need and want? "I just don't understand how we can move forward from this. I feel like all our trust has been broken," I admitted. Now every time he's home late from work, I'm left to question whether it's because he was working or because he had his dick shoved up Marianne's ass.

"It doesn't have to be broken. I want to earn your trust. Just give me a chance," he begged.

"I just need time to think, Gray. I seriously just need to think." I can't make a life altering decision right on the spot. I need space and I need to breathe for a moment.

"Well, can you think while sleeping beside me? You can be mad at me all you want as long as it's in bed with me. This is the first time in almost five months I haven't slept beside you and I fucking hated it. I got absolutely no sleep last night. You belong in my bed," he pleaded and I wanted the same thing. Sleeping in the guest room didn't feel right. He complains he got no sleep, but he spent half the night pacing outside the door like he eagerly wanted to shove the door open.

Looking away from him, I went up the stairs and in the opposite direction of his room. I got into the bed but this time it was without Amelia. This bed not only didn't have Grayson but it didn't have Amelia and it felt so empty.

I pushed my body up, removing the covers from my cold body. Making my way down the hall, I arrived at the double doors at the end. I carefully squeezed through the door, quietly making my way to the bed. Grayson's large body rested on the other side of the bed, causing the other half to be sunken. I cozied into the bed, the sheets being a warm satin. The mattress was fitting around my body, engulfing me in a hug.

Just as my eyes were shutting, my body was scooped against the hard rock of a body. It was a furnace and he was heating my body with not only his arms but his chest against my back.

"You're in my bed," Grayson's deep voice spoke into my ear. Chills danced on my spine. I pushed my body closer to his, wanting the feeling he was giving me to last forever. I felt safe and protected.

"Is that a problem?" Just under my ass was his erection brushing against me. I'm not sure where this change in feelings came from, but despite how upset I was with him, I still wanted him.

"You'll never hear me complain about my future wife sleeping in my bed," he whispered, hands squeezing my waist. I sighed, pushing my ass further into him. "Did you come here just to sleep?" His lips brushed against my neck, placing gentle kisses.

"Yeah..." my voice was far from confident.

"Or I could make you feel good," he proposed the option seeming irresistible. His hand crept up my shirt, taking grasp of my breasts still large from the breast milk. "Would you want that?"

His hand was already going into my shorts before I could respond. Laying on my back, my thighs slowly spread apart for him. Resting his lips on my neck, my arms went up for him to pull my shirt up and off my body. He threw it into the ground before his hands cupped my breasts. They were tender and it hurt having them squeezed. It hurt in the most pleasurable way possible.

His mouth was warm, nipping my nipple with his teeth before his mouth travelled down my body. Hesitantly, my underwear was pulled off my body. I reminded myself to breathe. My body was tense, his tongue circling my clit.

"I don't want you to sleep anywhere that's not with me," he spread my legs further, eager to dive deeper.

I gulped at his mouth sucking between my legs. Forcing my eyes shut, my head tilted back at his movements. Movements of his tongue were precise forced quick breaths out of me.

I was imagining my future. My future with a man who takes care of me and allows my walls to be put down without a worry of who may be praying on my downfall. I imagined being with a man who seeks pleasure in putting his head between my legs and fucking me with his tongue and fingers.

"Don't...stop," I reached my hand into his hair. It was silky and easily went around my fingers. Biting my lip, his fingers slid between my folds.

It was odd because I'm supposed to be upset with him. But his fingers were magic. They hit all the right spots along with his disciplined mouth. Pressure was building up, my breaths being unsteady as I finally reached my orgasm with a noise far from quiet. It arrived quickly and lingered along my body until I felt weightless. I sunk deeper into the sheets, peace and angst both washing over me.

Wet kisses trailed up my body before his lips found mine. I melted. Right here on this bed I felt myself melt when his tongue entered my mouth. I could taste myself on his lips and a sense of pride fell over me knowing he'd be going to sleep with the taste of me remaining on him.

His kisses were sweet, almost like he was trying to prove a point—that he could in fact be gentle and be good to me despite what happened with Marianne. He touched my body and easily made me feel warm inside. It was unbearable and I felt like any minute now I might completely shatter. But I wasn't going to allow this to completely wipe my head clear. I was on a high and needed to remind myself I'm not happy with him.