《Renae Dreams (Currently Editing)》22.) Making a mistake
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April 18th
"Ok so it seems as if things are getting better for you for you Renae." Tish, the new therapist spoke.
"I'm feeling better." Renae lied, "Are you still cutting?"
"No." She lied again, "May I check?" Tish asked, nodding, Renae showed her makeup covered wrists.
"Ok, so let's talk." She spoke putting the clipboard down.
"Tell me how long you've been doing this."
"Some years..." Renae answered. "More than six?" Tish asked and she nodded.
"What caused it?" She asked and Renae rubbed her hands on her pants momentarily.
"My dad."
"Which one? Bryson or your biological one?" She asked.
"The crack head."
Tish stared at her for a moment then nodded. "He made a lot of empty promises, he only called me when he was high. He hated how good Bryson treated me so he used to pop up and make random plans but never fulfilled them." Renae spoke then stopped talking.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." She mumbled wiping under her eyes.
"It's ok, it helps if you talk about it." Tish told her but Renae shook her head.
"No, I don't want to think about that anymore."
"Why? What happened in your childhood that has you so closed off?" She asked leaning forward.
Renae stared down at the floor as the tears rolled down her cheek.
"Renae?" Tish called softly.
Ignoring her, Renae kept her eyes on the floor.
"One day..." she began as she wiped her face.
"He called my mom and asked her if I could meet him at the seven eleven so we could go places..."
Taking a deep breath, she sighed as she began to swing her foot back and forth.
"Bryson drove me there and we sat in the parking lot for three hours just waiting for him to show up... but he never did." Wiping her eyes, she blew out a breath.
"When we got back home, I called him... and you know what he told me?"
"What?" Tish replied.
"That he was just there and I missed him. He told me it was my fault that we weren't gonna hang out because I didn't "wait", for three hours, I sat in that car and argued with my stepdad for him! Because that little girl in me wanted to believe that no matter what everyone else says, he was my father and perfect!" She snapped.
"Every time he promised me something I waited and waited and waited and waited! Not once! Not one single time has he ever came through with his word! I want to hate him but I can't because I need him! And it kills me that I can't hate him like everyone else does. That's my dad! I just want him to love me the way I should be." She expressed before she broke down.
"Renae?" Tish called on the verge of tears.
"You don't need him babygirl."
"Yes I do!" She screamed, "No you don't, he doesn't deserve to be in your life and see you win. He isn't worthy of your tears anymore do you hear me? You have Bryson and from what I've read in your report, that's the only father you need. It hurts not having your real father there and choosing drugs over you, but trust me, it will always be like that. Him choosing the drugs over you, it's what he's used to, if he's been doing it this long, there's no coming back and you have to, for yourself learn to love him from afar." Tish told her as she extended her hand out to Renae but she shook her head.
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"You don't understand." She cried standing up.
"I do Renae, trust me I do." Tish said as she stood up as well.
Shaking her head, Renae wiped her face angrily.
"No you don't."
**
August 8th (Present day)
"Where's everyone at?" Renae asked Dajon as she jumped on his bed.
"Work." He answered focusing on his game. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing." He mumbled, sitting up, she looked at him.
"DJ what's wrong?"
"Nothing Nae... shouldn't you be with King?" He asked a little annoyed. "He's in New Orleans." She reminded then furrowed her brows.
"Did I do something to you?" She asked noticing the look he had.
"No." He answered.
"So why are you giving me dry responses? What's going on?"
"Nothing, did you find a job yet?" He asked.
"I had an interview yesterday but the lady said I didn't have enough experience."
"You've been working since Junior year though." He spoke.
"Guess it wasn't enough for her." She replied then laid back. "I've been thinking of maybe taking dance serious just so I could get my foot out there a little bit." She announced.
"Keep that as a hobby, focus on that Real Estate career you want." He told her and she nodded.
"Hard to do that when nobody wants to hire you." She mumbled.
"You need to get you just a quick job so you can save up. It don't matter what it is, work at fast food they're always hiring." He told her.
"Can't work at McDonald's, my crack headed daddy acted a fool there, can't work at Wendy's because the manager doesn't like me."
"We got KFC, Hardee's, Popeyes, Bojangles and Sonic literally next door to each other Nae, pick one." He replied.
"I'll give it some thought." She replied closing her eyes.
"What's going on with mom and your dad?" She asked.
"I don't know, they seemed fine to me." He lied.
"Seems like they're upset with one another."
"Hard to tell." He replied just as the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it." She spoke getting off his bed and jogged out the room.
Sighing, Dajon laid back in bed and shook his head.
Renae walked in the room reading the notice.
"What's this?" She asked holding up the letter. "What?"
"It says she owes rent..." she read then looked at him. "It's only been what? Two months... what's going on?" She questioned sitting on the edge of the bed and continued reading.
"She's been paying half of everything, they only been working her four days out the week now."
"So you knew?" She asked looking at him.
"She said she'll handle it, pops had to call the landlord a week or two ago because she tried to hide the letter from him. That's why they aren't speaking." He informed, shaking her head, Renae laid back and gave him the mail.
"Pops will take care of it, don't worry about it." He added.
"Back to the truck we go." She spoke then laughed to herself.
"That's not funny Nae."
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"I mean it is, you would think we would have it together by now but look at us, about to be homeless again." She stated.
"Not this family." He mumbled pausing his game and got off the bed.
"Where you going?" She asked when he grabbed his hoodie and sneakers.
"Gotta clear my head." He lied before leaving out his room and jogged down the stairs.
Sighing, Renae picked the mail up and stared at it.
"Here we go again."
**
Basketball court
"What it do lil bro?" Rello spoke slapping hands with Dajon.
"I need a favor."
Tossing the ball to one of the other guys, Rello motioned for him to walk with him.
"What you need?" He asked. "I need some money... can you give me errands to run?" Dajon asked and Rello looked at him like he lost his mind.
"Your cousin will kick my ass."
"Don't tell him, it's just so I can help out with the bills. The landlord talking about putting us out." He semi lied and Rello stared at him for a moment.
"I don't know about this D."
"Man if not I'll go in the Bayside or PA area and get in with them." He threatened.
Bayside is the enemy territory and they would have Dajon's ass before he even opened his mouth to speak.
"Man aight, meet me on the last block by nine tonight." Rello replied, nodding, Dajon slapped hands with him.
"Ok, good looks."
**
9th Ward New Orleans
"You're gonna miss my birthday?" Renae asked then pouted.
"I'm trying to make sure I got stuff put in place out here ma, I'm sorry." He replied. "I thought we were gonna hang out.." She spoke staring at him.
Reclining his seat back, King held his phone up some to get a better look at her.
"Can I make it up to you?" He asked, "I guess." She replied and he chuckled softly.
"Don't be mad at me baybeh."
"I'm not... it's weird not having you here. I've been in the studio every day since you left.." She told him, part of the reason she's be in the studio was due to her putting together a special routine.
"What you been working on?" He asked.
"Nothing really." She lied and he smirked. "Damn, I can't know?" He asked.
"It's not like that, I just don't want to ruin anything." She replied then looked up.
"Hey, I gotta go."
"Aight I—." Before he got to finish his sentence she ended the FaceTime.
"Damn." He mumbled putting the phone in his cup holder before he got out the car.
Heading up to his homeboy's house, he looked around before he did the coded knock.
"Welcome back to yo roots Yung."
**
"Are things getting serious between you and Kingston?" Zina asked Renae as they sat out in her backyard smoking.
"I think so..." She answered, "Have y'all had sex yet?"
"I'm still a virgin." Renae replied before taking a few puffs. "Oh... oh ok well that's good."
Laughing, Renae handed Zina the blunt back and just stared up at the sky.
"Never in a million years would I have thought you and him would be a thing." She spoke and Renae looked at her.
"What's so bad about him?"
"Nothing, y'all are just two completely different people." She replied and Renae stared at her for a moment before looking back up at the sky.
"Anyways, how are things with you?" Renae asked wanting to change the subject.
She tolerated Zina because she was Malik's little sister, but as far as trusting her or allowing her to speak on her relationship?
That was a no go.
"I'm fine, I've been talking to this guy for a few weeks." She replied and Renae rose a brow.
"I thought you had a boyfriend?" Renae inquired.
"That's neither here nor there, but check this out, I'm throwing a house party tomorrow, you down?"
"Didn't you just have one recently?" Renae asked and Zina laughed.
"I'm young girl, what's wrong with that?"
"Throwing a party every two weeks? That doesn't bother you? Having random people in your house?" She asked and Zina shook her head.
"Malik comes through every time so they won't try anything."
"Not my cup of tea." Renae spoke checking the time.
"Nothing is your cup of tea is it?" She asked and Renae shrugged.
"Dance, poetry and my boyfriend are."
"What about your family?" She pressed and Renae laughed.
"Of course they are, but you were talking about things of my liking, nice try sis." Renae replied picking up her keys.
"Where you going?" She asked following her inside the house.
"Home."
**
that night
"I ain't think you would actually show up." Rello spoke slapping hands with Dajon.
"My mom and pops ain't home yet and my sister high asleep." He announced and Rello laughed.
"She smokes?"
"She started after she got out of jail." He spoke looking around.
"What are we doing tho?" He asked, "I'm gonna start you off with a few dime bags and pills, just don't get caught at school."
"I gotta sell at school? Nigga do you know what school I go to?" Dajon stressed and Rello chuckled.
"I went there nigga and they knew the shit we did but minded their business until shit got out of line. So just be smart about da shit. Sell in the locker room, sell in study hall, sell at the bus stop, just be smart." He told him.
Nodding, Dajon followed him to his car.
"Don't get caught man because I ain't tryna get heat from yo cousin."
"I ain't, I got this."
*
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