August 21st (Church)

"But I tell you this my friends, soul power and confidence comes from our one and only healer and provider, God." Apostle Jones preached.

"That's right!" Someone yelled and King chuckled, "If you believe and understand God to be a healer, a helper, a savior, a deliverer even your way maker, then there is nothing you won't believe you can accomplish in Jesus name, BUT if you take in the words of the enemy and believe that you are defeated or that God is against then my brother and sister, you will live defeated." He went on, King looked over at Renae seeing that she was trying to be all in but he could see right through her that her mind was elsewhere.

"Some of you may be sitting... no let me rephrase this, some of you ARE sitting here thinking "How can God hate me?" "Why isn't he answering me?" "I've been doing right by everyone but somehow I've been going through heartache and trials." He continued glancing at Renae who had her eyes to the floor.

"Some of you right now are sitting here asking yourself "Why am I alive?" "Why am I still here yet God is ignoring my prayers?" I bet you don't even know that you've been receiving help but your ears aren't listening for HIS word."

"You better say so!" Parishioner lady Joy shouted as she fanned herself.

"You may feel like God isn't on your side and that he may be ashamed of you." He spoke and Renae nodded slowly.

Karen looked over at King and just smiled.

They used to make church a priority when he was younger but as King got older he began to make his own decisions.

She prayed for his wellbeing and his protection knowing of the work he did in the streets, but to have her one and only son back in Church not only for himself but for the young lady that he loved so dearly, in her eyes Renae was alright with her.

"You ok?" King whispered seeing Renae wiping at her eyes.

Nodding, she tried to keep her eyes on the Apostle but her heart wouldn't allow her.

She was on the verge of breaking down and afraid of the outcome.

"How many of you have been feeling like you've been battling a constant fight with fear and felt as if God has just been watching you suffer?" He asked and most of the members raised their hands.

Karen looked over at Renae who kept rubbing at her arm.

Nudging Kingston, he looked over then at Renae.

Placing his hand on top of hers, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I said! How many of you have been battling this ongoing fight with fear?!" Apostle Jones repeated this time a little louder.

Slowly, Renae raised her hand.

"And that my sister is ok, because as the scripture says "Jesus is continually interceding on my behalf." on YOUR behalf, he is continually interceding on YOUR behalf!" He preached pointing at Renae.

"I want you all to turn to Psalm one thirty nine, verse fourteen, we're gonna read it together."

Nodding, he waited for everyone to eat their Bibles and turn to the page.

King shared his Bible with Renae and Karen handed her a Kleenex.

"Together." He spoke before reading.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

"We praise our Father because in him we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He never disappoints, his work isbeyond wonderful and we have his only begotten son Christ Jesus to thank." He went on.

Looking down at his notes, his eyes roamed the room briefly as he nodded.

"You see the thing about fear, is that it's the enemy's number one go to. He likes to use that on us to keep us down to his level where we are weak so that he may creep in and fill our heads with lies and more fear. His job is to keep us down remember that. But as the good word says, he is weak, he is only as strong as you lead yourself to believe. There is only one power Alpha, one powerful God and that is our Father, God himself. With him standing with you, who can be against you?" Wiping the sweat from his forehead, he walked back towards the podium and skimmed his notes.

"In John, chapter fourteen verse twenty seven, the word says "Peace I leave with you: my peace I GIVE you." He's not only giving you peace but he's giving you HIS peace."

"Mhm that's right! That's right!" A woman yelled as she clapped and King chuckled softly.

"It then says "I do not give to you as the world gives." Meaning, what this world may promise or give you to make you feel "important" temporarily, what God gives you can never expire. He gives us what we NEED, not what we crave for or what we hope for, but what we NEED and what he see fit." He spoke and the members nodded.

"That's right." Karen replied clapping.

"This is my favorite part, "Do NOT let your hearts be troubled and do NOT be afraid." Some of you have been letting your hearts be troubled for so long that you can't feel the love and see the guidance that the good Lord is trying to give you. You have to get rid of all of that darkness, rid that negativity and open your heart to God himself. He can only help you but so much my loves, this thing called life is a never ending fight but in order for you to remain strong and steadfast, you HAVE to shake that devil off and tell him to loosen! You!"

"Say so!" "You better say so!" Karen and a few others yelled.

"I said, devil you can't have my joy! Devil you can't have my mind! Devil you can't have my soul! It's time for you to go! Loosen me! In the NAME of Jesus go!" Walking towards the edge of the alter, he stared out and locked eyes with Renae.

"You gotta want him to let you go baby, he has no place in your mind. He doesn't belong there, do you hear me?" He asked and a few parishioners turned looking at Renae.

Signaling for them to start the music, he sat his mic down and motioned for everyone to come up to the altar.

Renae, too afraid to move, remained seated.

"Walk with me ma." King spoke offering her his hand but she shook her head.

"I can't." She cried covering her face as she began to break down.

King went to touch her but Karen stopped him.

"I see you." Apostle Jones spoke as he dipped his hands into the oil.

"Father I come to you on behalf on your child Lord. She's been fighting for so long she's ready to give up. Lord we need you to come down and wrap your arms around her Lord. Lay your hands on her heart Father, lay your hands on her mind Lord. Can't you see she's broken? The enemy has her but he can't have her, she your child Father, show her the way. Let YOUR Holy Spirit speak to her Lord, allow YOUR son Christ Jesus to intercede through her. Allow her ears to be attentive to your word Lord, this is YOUR child father and we ask that in the name of Jesus Christ! In the name of Jesus! Satan you come up off of that baby right now! Loosen her satan! You have no room in her life! You can not have that young woman! In the name of Jesus! You will loosen her right now! I said right NOW!"

Renae began to cry out as she hugged herself rocking back and forth.

"Father I feel you working, but the enemy is fighting. Lord we come against the spirit of identity confusion, Lord we come against the spirit of depression. Lord we come against the spirit of resentment, the spirit of fear, the spirit of anger. Lord we ask that you remove these from her heart and create in her a pure heart O God, create in her a new her and strong mind. This is your child God and the word says whatever we shall ask will be given and whatever we seek shall be received! Lord send your warring Angels down and cover her now Lord! Cover her Lord. Satan we come against you in the name of Jesus! You have NO place here! You can NOT stay, we rebuke you in the name of Jesus! Be gone! In the NAME of Jesus be gone!"

Screaming, Karen ushered King towards Renae and he pulled her into him as she began to cry harder.

She cried for her father's love

She cried for her mother's love

She cried for her mother's protection and comfort

She cried for blaming herself for everything that's happened to her

And she cried for allowing herself to believe that God didn't hear her all those nights she prayed.

She had plans to take her life this very day and she cried out for forgiveness.

It wasn't what she wanted but it was what she felt she deserved.

After all she's been through, she believed she would be happier dead.

She was wrong.

**

"How do you feel?" Karen asked Renae as she went to make their plates for lunch.

"Not gonna say "Great" but better than before." Renae replied as she sat at the table.

"Do you want to tell me what dat was about?" She asked as King made his way towards the back.

"I'm not sure what King has told you." Renae spoke and Karen smiled softly.

"Baybeh barely anything, it was like I was a cop and he were da criminal." She joked and Renae laughed softly.

It made her feel good knowing that King wasn't just going around telling her business.

"I've been through a lot... I'm not even sure where to start."

"Start where you're comfortable." Karen told her as she added more greens to King's plate.

"I just... I don't know. I feel like my mom hates me for some reason I have no control over. Like I feel like she loves me then again I feel like she doesn't but she tries." She spoke then thanked Karen for her food.

"Why do you think that?" Karen asked sitting next to her.

"It's just the things that I've been through since I can remember, from a toddler to now... I always felt like I only ever had a quarter of her heart." She vented then wiped her eyes.

"Did something happen?"

"Like my biological father, I feel like she wasn't there for me. She was there in the flesh, but emotionally and physically... I don't feel like we ever had a connection." She answered as she wiped under her eyes.

"Then with the whole rape thing."

"Oh my God..." Karen mumbled dropping her fork and covered her mouth.

"It's ok... don't feel sorry for me." Renae spoke forcing a smile.

"I don't know my purpose in life anymore... the only person who's ever really been there is King..." pausing, Renae put her fork down and stared at Karen with watery eyes.

"I don't know how many times I've tried to kill myself but for some freaking reason I can't die!" She snapped hitting the table and Karen jumped slightly.

"I've been crying out for help since a kid and the only person who came into my life and saw through all of that was your son, a total stranger. My family couldn't see it but he did and I'm scared." She cried shaking her head.

"Scared of what sweetheart?" Karen asked placing her hand on top of Renae's.

"Losing him... because.."

Wiping her face, Karen went to get up but Renae stopped her.

"Because what dear?" She asked taking ahold of her hand.

"I'm afraid of losing him because.. because I love him."

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Excuse me while I go cry 😩