[18]

"W-why?" I whisper, feeling my chest tighten.

Riku gazes into my eyes in silence. His grip around me didn't loosen one bit since he caught me from falling, and he also didn't avert his gaze once. He is just staring, his eyes void of anything.

"Until I figure something out, I don't want people to touch you," he states simply.

He says it so nonchalantly that, for one moment, I feel something warm embrace my heart. But the next moment, my curiosity and fear ushers the warmth away.

"Figure what out?" I mumble, still not confident enough to look at his face again.

He is quiet for a moment, until he answers, "Why I can't hurt you." My eyes snap to his, the fear of angering him forgotten. "Why I get angry when you smile at those friends of yours." He tightens his grip around me. "Why you are constantly on my mind and I'm not able to get you off."

My mouth opens but I'm not able to get any words out. It's like someone is choking me and not allowing me to do anything else than breathe in quick breaths.

Riku's expression doesn't change, his face is still frozen, but I can feel his heart pounding quicker than usual. Its beats are unrythmic and setting out once in a while. It makes me wonder if he really is as cold-hearted as everyone else makes him out to be.

"So, until I figure it out, you are mine, understood?"

I nod slowly, my heart racing and my mind all over the place.

Why is he likes this?

Now I know what he meant when he said I'm confusing him. Nothing he says makes sense to me, nor the way he looks at me - or doesn't look at me - I mean, he has no expression at all. God, this is all so- . . . confusing.

Suddenly, I feel his fingertips brush a strand of my hair behind my ear. I flinch in surprise, causing his fingers to freeze. They're resting just above my ear, unmoving, but the touch is enough to send a shiver down my spine.

I lock eyes with him. And for the first time, the expression within them is decipherable, if only for a few mere seconds. It's fear. It is gone as soon as it came though.

He puts his hand back on my waist, his gaze never leaving mine. "Sor-" he cuts himself off, his eyebrows furrowing. My eyes widen when I realize what he wanted to say. "Did I just- . . . God- . . I'm going crazy."

I just continue chewing on my lip at loss for words. This situation is too overwhelming, too unexpected and way too confusing. I don't know what to say, what to do or even what to think.

Why did he notice me? Why didn't he just ignore me and let me hide in the shadows?

All of a sudden, the bell booms through the building and moments later students file into the empty hallway. I instantly try to get out of Riku's grip but he doesn't let me. Feeling curious eyes bore holes into my skin, my chest tightens to a point where it is hard to breathe.

I send Riku a desperate look, pleading him to let go of me. He just keeps staring at me, paying everyone around us no mind, when that is everything I can think about. The people who are having thoughts about me, whose eyes are on me, who are judging me.

Before my anxiety can cause my stomach to twist any further, Riku's grip starts loosening. I use the opportunity without a second thought, slipping out of his embrace and running down the hallway. I dodge people whose full attention is on me and burst into the boys restroom.

Bile rises in my throat from how many knots are in my stomach, and before I know it, I'm hovering over the toilet, puking my guts out.

I don't know how long I'm just sitting on the floor, feeling my stomach become even emptier than before. But when the bell rings through the room for the second time, I pull my phone out with trembling hands.

It's already the last period, I notice.

Sighing shakily, I lean my back against the wall of the bathroom stall and put my hand above my heart. It claws against my palm like a wild animal that wants to be let out. I curl my fist around the hoodie I'm wearing and let a tear slip out of my eye.

I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration. I hate it. I hate that it bothers me so much to be the center of attention, that it makes me anxious to be judged and that it makes my stomach churn when people's eyes are on me. I hate it so much, but I can't change it. At least I don't know how to, nor do I think it is possible.

That's how I am. That's how I've always been since my father's judgement destroyed all my self-esteem. Since my classmates made me feel like a worthless being that didn't deserve the air it's breathing.

Those things have been impregnated in my mind and no matter how hard I try to push them away, they're just stronger. They overpower me, destroy me, make me wanna stop it. Stop everything - my mind, my heart, my life.

But then, there was this hope of one day finding someone that would like me the way I am. Someone that would love every little flaw and every little mistake, would love the way I look, the way I move and the way I breathe. But the hope ceased further with every day, until it was completely extinguished.

Then, my mother was the only thing keeping me alive. But now- . . there's nothing.

Nothing to care about, nothing to live for.

I subconsciously pull down one sleeve of my hoodie and let my fingers trace over my scars. They're messy, out of order - each one has a different depth, length and feeling.

Feeling my scars like this, causes more tears to run down my cheeks.

It reminds me of how weak I am.

How worthless.

How much of a mistake.

All of a sudden, I'm ripped out of my train of unsettling thoughts when the door of the restroom is slammed open. I flinch in surprise, my eyes jolting open.

The sounds of heavy footsteps echo through the room, causing my heart to skip a beat.

Is it the guy from before? The one who punched me? Or is it someone else who wants to beat me?

I hold my breath in fear. Right now, I can't think clearly, I don't know what to do, my body feels too heavy to move and my throat feels too dry to make a sound. The fear rises further, until it reaches its peak when someone knocks onto the door of the bathroom stall that I'm in.

When I let my eyes wander over to said door, I see black boots peek through the small gap between the ground and the door. It makes the silence seem even scarier. The only sounds in the room are the soft sobs that I can't stop from escaping and the breathing from the person outside the door.

But I hear much more. I hear my thoughts go overboard in my mind, yelling and screaming at me; I hear my conscience, ordering me to defend myself; I hear my heart thundering against my ribcage. And it drives me insane. But regardless, I stay as quiet as I can.

Suddenly, the doorknob begins turning and seconds later, the door is open. I gasp.

Seeing him, sends me over the edge. I was already standing at the end of the cliff thanks to my anxiety and all those depressive thoughts, but at some point, it's just too much to process without breaking down.

So, when the tears speed up and cascade down my face like a waterfall, and when my sobs turn into cries, and when I start clutching onto my heart because the pain becomes too much to ignore, I can't do anything but let it control me.

Suddenly, the world around me becomes blurry, the sounds become muffled and the movements from the guy who burst into the restroom become barely noticeable. I only take notice of his presence again, when his shoulder brushes mine as he sits down next to me.

He wraps one of his arms around my shoulder and pulls me into his embrace. The right side of my face is pressed against his chest and one of my hands is still tightly curled around my hoodie. The position scares me at first, as I feel caged and suffocated, but as soon as his other hand starts playing with my hair absentmindedly, it stops scaring me and starts making me feel secure.

It feels like back then, when my mother used to hug me after a nightmare or after my father yelled at me. I always felt safe and comforted in her arms, especially when she ran her hand through my hair. And right now, it reminds me of her.

Especially, because no one's embrace - other than my mother's - has ever made me feel safe enough to not want to cut it as short as possible.

But this one does.

Unconsciously, I snuggle deeper into the hug and grab a fistful of his hoodie, finding even more comfort in his embrace as the tears continue escaping my eyes.

His scent - that of citrus and wood - invades my nostrils, making me unconsciously inhale amounts of it.

And in that moment, I push all the facts about him deep into my mind - I forget who he is, what he is capable of doing and how he claimed me as his.

No matter how much it scares me that he practically claimed me, right now I'm anything but afraid of him. It's the opposite, really.

Right now, I need him.

I need Riku.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey there,

yeah, surprise, I guess.

Lmao.

Yeah, I decided to write a new chapter, although the book is still on hold.

Why?

I had the motivation and was excited about it, so yup.

But, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up (if anyone even has any hopes about this book, lmao) because it's still on hold.

I just decided to write a chap, and maybe I'll write another one, or maybe only in a few days or weeks.

So then, what do you think about the chap?

Writing this made my heart pound like crazy, lol.

Anyway, now you also know more about why Riku claimed Chase.

Ah, I'm so excited!

I love them, man.

Stay safe! Love y'all!

❤

- L I S A