I stared up at the ceiling, twirling a strand of hair on the woman next to me.

Neither of us said a word about what just happened a few minutes ago, the air still lingering of long-awaited sex while we both breathed steadily.

We were beneath the blanket and she was cuddled up against my chest, wearing my shirt. I didn't know if she fell asleep or not, but I was given my answer when she was the first to speak.

"Will you come to Italy with me?"

I stopped twirling the small piece of hair between my fingers and looked down at her. Her chin was on my bare chest and she was already staring up at me. She's so beautiful.

"I wish I could." I frowned, brushing a flyaway behind her ear and watching her face fall in disappointment. "That's the time for you to spend with your family. But I'll be right here when you get back."

She nodded slowly before laying down again, her arm sliding across my torso and tracing small patterns on my side.

"I'm scared." She whispered, and it didn't take a genius to know she was talking about her grandma.

I felt terrible that she was going through this, and all I can really do is be here for her when she needs someone. Maybe the sex we just had was her way of distracting her mind. Either way, I'm not complaining because she can use me in any way she wants. She's the one in control, and I don't mind admitting that she has me wrapped around her finger.

"If there is anything I can do, tell me and I will do it."

"Just...lay here with me."

Her answer spread a warmth in my chest, and I hope she knew i was not going anyway. I would lay here forever with her if I could.

"Always." I murmured, kissing the top of her head.

I took in the atmosphere of her room, relishing in the comfort I felt being in her. Something about the way she decorated me me feel so...content. There were LED lights on the red setting that went around the borders of the ceiling, and she had a storage shelf near her window filled with records and cd's as well as trophies and medals.

On her nightstand, I noticed a journal. My journal.

Has she read it yet?

"Did you read the journal?" I voiced my thoughts.

"No." She answered quietly. "I can't bring myself to open it."

"I gave you permission."

"I know, but it stills feels wrong." She murmured into my skin, her breath fanning my chest and leaving goosebumps to rise.

"Well, I can't make you, but can you promise me that you will consider it?" I asked, because no matter how embarrassing I thought my letters to her were, I wanted her to read them. They were for her, after all.

Her voice was soft and gentle, I could honestly listen to her talk all day. I held my pinky up in front of her and she let out a quiet laugh, wrapping hers around mine.

"I promise I will consider it."

Her smile was enough to satisfy me, but I kept finding more ways to distract her from her grandma.

I remember when I first got here, Riley said she moved out of her old apartment and in with her brother because something happened with her family. I didn't know whether or not I should ask, but it was honestly bothering me since the moment I arrived.

"Why'd you move in with your brother?" I asked her lowly, hoping it wouldn't upset her that I asked.

I felt a little better when she let out a chuckle, which showed she wasn't mad.

"After the whole pregnancy thing, my mom came to town and ripped me a new one about how I betrayed her because I didn't tell her my dad was dating Faith and that she was pregnant. My mom didn't know where Brandon lived, so he made me move in with him that way my mom couldn't give me any more surprise visits." She explained to me, her finger now delicately tracing the butterfly on my torso.

Her touch was soothing, and the feeling of her against me like this is one I never wanted to live without. I love her too much to let her go again, and I know I needed to do something about it so I don't lose her a second time.

As badly as I wanted to tell her I love her in this moment, I knew I wasn't going to. I was too much of a coward to be spontaneous like that, and I didn't want her to reject me just hours before she leaves for Italy, because then she would be on the opposite end of the world while I lay here in self-pity and misery. Maybe I will tell her when she gets back.

A few minutes of silence later, I realized something I left inside of that journal, and I reminded myself to grab it after she fell asleep because I wanted to be the one to give it to her when she returns.

It was now around one in the morning and Maddie had fallen asleep. I was careful when I reached across her and grabbed the journal, not wanting to wake her up.

I opened it to the last page and smiled when I found just what I was looking for. I removed the small index card and put the journal back before sliding the card underneath my pillow and allowing myself to finally get comfortable, wrapping my arms around Maddie.

I wanted to stay up for as long as I could just so I could enjoy every second of her in my embraced, but I couldn't force my eyes open any longer, and it wasn't long before I fell asleep.

• • •

I squinted when a bright light flashed directly at my face, groaning and turning over onto my stomach with a huff. When my arm landed on the mattress, my eyes opened to see the spot Maddie slept in was empty.

I frowned and sat up, rubbing the sleep from my face while a yawn escaped my lips. Last night's events brought a smile to my face as I remembered it all, and I was reminded of the card under the pillow I used.

I pulled the card out from beneath it and set it on the nightstand so I don't forget it, only to notice there was a sticky note along with a key that was not there last night.

Good morning sleeping beauty,

I'm sorry I can't be there when you wake up, buuut I had a plane to catch.

I left my apartment key so please lock the door when you leave.

Thank you for an amazing night, and I'll see you when I come back.

Love, Maddie

I smiled at her cute handwriting. She had a habit of writing in cursive and print at the same time, which I've made fun of her many times, but I still found it adorable and I always had a way of knowing how to identify her writing.

After getting dressed, I fixed her bed as neatly as I could and grabbed the key along with the note. I couldn't help but notice that the journal was not on her nightstand, so I hoped maybe she took it with her to read.

Using the tape I found on her desk, I walked into her bathroom and attached the index card to her mirror so she sees it when she gets back.

I locked her door behind me when I left, keeping the key safe in my pocket as I went down to mine and Zayn's apartment. I prayed he was still asleep since it was still quite early, because I was feel ready to be questioned about where I was. I wouldn't even complain if he went to Riley's for the night, because that would save me a million questions.

I quietly unlocked the door with my own key and stepped inside, careful for my shoes not to make any noise. I closed the door behind me and hurriedly walked to my room just in case he was home and awake.

The first thing I did was brush my teeth before taking a long, hot shower. Images of last night flashed in my mind and I pinched my eyes shut, switching the water to cold to calm myself down.

I have sex for the first time in years and suddenly I can't be turned off. It's like she permanently flipped a switch in me.

After my shower, I changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast. I stopped in my tracks when Zayn was leaning against the counter drinking coffee, staring up at me with a smirk.

"Well good afternoon. Nice of you to finally come home." He says in amusement before setting his mug down. "Where were you?"

"I stayed the night at Maddie's because someone had the key and I couldn't get in." I was quick on my feet to lie, and it actually sounded believable coming out of my mouth.

"Mhm. And how did you get in this morning?" He asked, catching me in my lie.

Shit.

"I...picked the lock."

"Uh-huh." He nodded, not at all believing me.

"You know what, I don't have to explain myself to you." I snapped, ignoring his judgmental stare and opening h the fridge to grab the milk.

"No need to get defensive, Styles. I just don't understand why you are lying to cover up the fact that you and Maddie slept together."

I glanced at him in annoyance before setting the milk on the counter.

"Holy shit, I was kidding. You guys actually had sex?!" He exclaimed through a laugh, watching me as I put a bowl of Lucky Charms.

Well there goes that.

"That's none of your business. Just like you and Riley hooking up is none of mine."

That shut him up real quick.

I grabbed a spoon from the drawer and walked back into my room, closing the door and setting my bowl down so I could put Maddie's note and key in my nightstand for safekeeping.

My door opened to reveal Zayn, who looked shocked. "How long have you known?"

I shrugged. "Since around the wedding."

"How in the hell?" He scoffed, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Mate, come on. You guys weren't that great at hiding it." I chuckled. "Besides, Maddie found you sleeping naked next to Riley a few days ago."

"Oh my god." He groaned. "Maddie knows too?"

"Who do you think told me?" I retorted. "We both had a feeling you two were seeing each other for a while, but after finding you naked in Riley's bed, she confirmed it. She's traumatized, by the way."

"Look, I wanted to tell you guys, but keeping it a secret is so fun. The sneaking around is exciting, mate, I'm telling you." Zayn sighs, finally opening up.

"You're not very good at it, though." I pointed out, taking a spoonful of my cereal into my mouth. "When did this even happen? I thought you hated each other."

"Oh, man. This goes all the way back to when you and Maddie were dating." He chuckled, scratching the stubble on his jaw. "Okay, you know when we all went to the beach with Gemma and your mum?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Riley had a beer and wasn't comfortable driving, so she asked me to drive her back to her dorm since I guess Maddie was drinking too. Being the gentleman I am, I said yes despite how much I loathed her and her little attitude." He continued to explain to me while I listened with complete interest in where this was going, continuing to eat my cereal.

"So I walked her up to her dorm and I asked if I could come in to wash my hands because there was still some sand between my fingers. She let me in and while I was washing my hands, she asked if I could help untie her bathing suit. Then it just...happened. And it kept happening that summer until I left back to England." He took a pause. "Fast forward to maybe a week after her and Louis broke up, she came over one day when you were at a shoot with a client, and we had incredible, mind-blowing, dirty sex. And now we are dating."

I nearly dropped my spoon in surprise. I wasn't expecting their history to date back to when Maddie and I were together, and I most certainly did not think that they were actually dating. I just thought they were hooking up.

"Wow" was all that I could manage to say.

"Yup. Now you know." He breathed. "Just don't tell anyone other than Maddie, and don't let Riley know that you two know."

"No problem." I nodded.

"Great. Thanks, mate!" He grinned, patting my back just as I took another bite.

I choked on the spoon while he walked out of my room. At least he didn't ask me about Maddie and I again.

But man, I couldn't wait to tell her everything.

• • •