Why did I touch her? I knew I shouldn't have but as soon as my hand touched the bare skin of her thigh it set my hand on fire.

This is wrong, I can't care for anybody and Indigo deserves some one who can give her all of them, everything. I just need to distance myself from her until it goes away. I knew I wouldn't sleep, I couldn't get her out of my head, so I worked out instead and then opened the garage early.

I was changing the oil on a motorcycle when she came out of the clubhouse with Max, I couldn't help myself from watching her, wearing denim shorts and a tank top, her pale skin glowing with the sun, her long black hair hiding her face, shining brightly. She lit a cigarette and went to walk over to the gate when she stopped, I watched her for a few minutes and she didn't move.

I got up and walked over to her, wiping my hands on my rag as I moved, I walked up next to her and could see tears on her cheeks

"What's wrong Indigo?" I ask turning her to face me

"Knuckles told me to walk Max. I walk Max now. But I can't go over there." She says between sobs, she points over to the land where I see 15 guys who are clearing the land ready to build her new home.

"It's ok Indigo, you can trust them, they're building your new home." I reply

"No. Too many." She says and begins stepping back

"Wait, what if I walk with you, would that help?" I ask stepping towards her

"No. I have to go." She hands me Max's lead and then bolts for the clubhouse. I know I said I would distance myself but I can't leave her like that. I take Max's lead off and he goes over to the garage where he usually hangs out and I follow Indigo into the clubhouse.

"Indigo, its Bullet are you ok?" I ask through the door, stupid question, I know she's not Ok, I just want to make sure she isn't doing anything stupid

"Indigo? Do you want me to call Knuckles or Cordelia?" I ask

"No, leave me alone." She says, sobbing loudly.

"Can I come in? I just want to check you're alright" I say, but she doesn't reply, I try the door handle and open it

"I'm coming in, just let me see you're ok and I'll leave." I say covering my eyes in case she's naked or something.

"Get the fuck out" she shouts, I open my eyes and she's sat on the side of the bed, she pulls the sheet over her left leg

"Indigo, what have you done?" I ask rushing over to her and knealing in front of her, she holds the sheet over her but I pull it back and see a fresh large cut in her thigh, with a cigarette burn below it, I pull the sheet back further and see a knife on the bed

"It's fine. It's nothing" she says trying to cover it back up

"It is not nothing. Do you have any idea how mad it makes me to see that you've done that to yourself. You're so beautiful Indigo." I say getting up and going into the bathroom, I come back with a towel and apply pressure to her wound

"It's the only way I can cope with how insane I am. No one else would react like I do, I'm a freak and I deserve this." She says pointing to her leg. I look up into her eyes and wipe the tears away from her cheeks

"You are not a freak, you are beautiful. Everyone is fucked up in some way, yours is just different to mine. I never want to hear you say that about yourself again and you will never do this again either." I say looking down at her leg, it's going to need stitching

"But I am a freak and I deserve this, I won't stop just because you tell me to, Bullet." She says looking down at me, nothing could stop me, I reached up and kissed her, running my hand around the back of her neck and tangling my fingers in her hair, she froze for a second but then her lips began to move with mine, I moved in between her legs and pressed her body against mine. She ran her hands under my cut and along my chest, but suddenly she stopped and pushed me back. I increased the space between us and looked into her eyes

"You should leave." She says looking down at the floor, I gently touch her chin and lift her to look at me

"I care about you Indigo and I hope you'll let me do that again, soon. I'll go and get Cordelia to come and stitch that leg." I said before getting up and stepping back

"Don't worry, I've been stitching myself for a few years now." She says pulling a first aid kit from her bag,

"Goodbye Bullet. That's a stupid name." She says as she begins stitching up her leg

"Then you and only you can call me Rowan, but not in front of the guys." I say as I walk out without looking back.

I go and find Cordelia in her clinic

"Hey Bullet, how's it going?" She asks looking up from her desk

"I'm worried about Indigo, she went to walk Max and freaked out about the construction guys, I caught her cutting herself." I say sitting down opposite her

"Is she ok? Do you need me to go and look at her?" She asks

"She's stitching it herself, but what if she does something worse?" I ask

"You care about her don't you?" She says with a smile

"I do, but I don't want to make her worse so I need to keep my distance."

"You need to understand Bullet, she has severe anxiety, a fear of strangers and metathesiophobia, which is a fear of change. She's also manically depressed. When I was younger I used self harm to cope with emotions I couldn't control. If I'm being honest I think she has been through something to make her this way, but as I don't know her history I don't know what. It could be losing her mother when she was 15. If you, me and Knuckles all keep an eye on her hopefully with time and once she has her own space we can help her deal with these issues and conquer some of her fears. Remember how scared of men I was when I met Killer? Look at me now, I'm not afraid of anyone." She says standing and walking around to me, stroking my shoulder before leaning down for a hug. I hug her back, she's like a sister to everyone in the club

"She'll be ok, just give her time and be patient with her, don't push her to do anything she can't and do everything on her terms. Once we have gained her trust then we can start helping her more." Cordelia says stepping back. I stand, hug her again and head out back to the garage.