Then you're the queen of nothing at all

- One Foot by Walk The Moon

There's a routine now.

Every morning Alex was here, bringing us breakfast and then we would drop off Angie at school together. Later, he'd go to his meetings and then pick me up at the cafe. If he wasn't able to, Lucas would be there. Neither of them seemed to mind the back and forth of the situation and insisted on helping me as much as they could.

In the back of my mind there was always a voice that said that they helped me out of pity, or that they wanted something in exchange. I couldn't help it, that's the way my brain was conditioned to think.

I lived on the streets half of my pregnancy, then was finally able to find a shelter that would take me in. You would think that being in a place full of need the people there would go out of their way to help each other. I found that it wasn't like that. It was everyone on their own, and no one did favors for free. There was always something expected from you.

In a way, I understood. I knew everyone was trying to look out for themselves and soon I learned that I couldn't stay there. I had to raise my child somewhere safe, where no one would cause her harm. As hard as it was I found small jobs, cleaning houses and such. But I was paranoid. I had to keep moving. I went from shelter to shelter constantly, always afraid that Gerald would find me. Truth be told, I never knew if he was searching for me, though I had the feeling that he would try to find a way to shut me up. His reputation was on the line. He had a wife, a daughter who I had considered my best friend. From time to time I wondered if she would have believed me if I had told her what her father did to me, I wondered if he was heartless enough to do that to her. My father didn't believe me though, and that made it much harder to think that anyone would take what I said seriously.

I knew it was ironic. Being afraid of men for so long, and now being surrounded by three who seemed to care for me more than I could imagine. Marty was the world's most understanding boss. Lucas, well, I could imagine being around him was like having an annoying older brother. And Alex, he was just Alex. There was no explaining what it was like to be around him.

Confusion.

That's the appropriate word. Since that night we had shared together, the night he kissed me, he didn't try kissing me again. It seemed as if he was trying to keep physical contact between us at a minimum. He was always attentive with me, almost overwhelmingly so, but sometimes it was as if he couldn't be in the same room with me. He would seem uncomfortable.

"First you eat my pastries, then you decide that you don't have to pay for them, now you decide that you can just daydream on the job," came Marty's voice behind me.

"I'm not daydreaming," I said. "I'm just thinking."

"You need to learn how to shut that brain of your off. Some people don't use it at all, you seem to use it too much."

I agreed, as the door to the cafe opened. Alex walked in, he was dressed formally today. It was clear he'd had an important meeting. But my eyes soon turned to the woman walking next to him. He held his arm over her shoulders and they laughed, as if having an interesting conversation. He glance at me and smiled, but didn't make an effort to talk to me.

I'd been looking forward to seeing him today. I had decided to ask him what was happening between us, if anything at all. I needed clarity, I needed answers. But as I watched him pull out a chair for the woman I realized the answer was right there.

He was a good man, but he probably wasn't looking for anything more than sex.

"Can you take care of Alex, dear?" Marty asked.

I shook my head. "Tell Jess, I'm sure she'd love to."

"She's on break, Eileen. I'm quite busy so it'll have to be you."

I narrowed my eyes on him and he chuckled. "I really, really don't like you right now."

"You'll get over it. Now go."

I walked to the table with reluctance, aware that the woman with Alex was beyond beautiful. Her light brown hair framed her perfect little face, her nails manicured to perfection and her smile showed all her perfect little teeth.

Bitch.

"Hi, how can I help you?"

Alex turned to me and scoffed. "Well, hi, I'm doing well and you? I'm so glad to see you, Alex, really." Sarcasm pures out of each and every one of his words annoying me further.

I stared at him, no, more like shot daggers at his skull while he waited for me to keep talking.

"This is a fucking deja vu moment," he turned to the woman, "She's not usually this rude, I promise."

"Oh, I don't mind," the woman spoke.

She sounded nice. Too nice.

"Look, if you're not going to order anything I'm going to go. I have work to do."

The woman eyed Alex who had the most amused look on his face I had seen to the day. 

"I'll get a caramel latte, please, and you Alex?"

With a sigh Alex spoke and asked for his usual, but didn't say anything else. I half expected him to at least introduce me to her but it was clear I wasn't that important. It looked like determining things between us wouldn't happen today and maybe it never would. 

I brought their coffees to the table, setting them in front of each of them. I was angry and I couldn't hide it. I refused to think that it was anything other than anger. It couldn't be anything else. As I started to walk away, I felt Alex's hand wrap around my wrist, stopping me.

"When are you taking your break?" he asked. I didn't miss the look on his face, full of longing. If I hadn't been so angry maybe I would have had the same look on my face.

"What does it matter, Moretti?" When his last name left my lips, he dropped his hand in exasperation. He knew what that meant. 

"What's wrong now?" 

"You know what's wrong," I said, clenching my jaw. 

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking." 

"Alex, I think I should go." The woman started to gather her purse and stand up. Alex followed, pushing his chair back with force. 

"Yes, go ahead. Don't be rude to your date." 

I was met with harsh glare coming from Alex and shocked eyes from the pretty woman. Suddenly, the woman started laughing hysterically, her hand over her chest as she tried to control herself. Alex simply stared at me and as much as I tried to read him, I couldn't.

"I'm sorry," the woman said as she calmed down. "Oh God, I'm sorry. That's what this is about.. Honey, this is my brother."

★ ★★★★

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