I looked at the people gathered. It's surreal, knowing how in an instant your whole life can change, your whole life as you know it can end. You never realize how fragile life is until you're faced with the reality of it.

The sky was clear, beautiful, just as she always liked it. It made me smile. It's stupid, it's ironic. I'd known pain before, when I lost my parents, but this pain, this fucking pain- there were no words to describe it. It's fucking agonizing. It tears you up from the inside out. It eats you alive. I could walk up there, I could stand up in front of all those people and pretend to be fucking okay. Nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be okay again.

I saw Luke walking my way, his sunglasses on so no one could see his grief. He could hide it from the people here, but not from me. We both felt it, in different ways. Raymond was in his wheelchair, just staring at the casket in front of them. Despite his injuries, he insisted he be there. He felt guilty.

I shared that guilt.

We all shared it.

If only we would have made it on time.

If only...

"Hey man. You need to get up there. We're waiting for you."

I scoffed, shaking my head. How could I stand up there and act like I had my shit together? Sure, Gerald was dead, but that had hardly accomplished anything. He didn't get half of what he deserved. Even dead, he managed to take more from us than we could have ever taken from him. He stole everything. He fucking claimed people's lives without any mercy, without any compassion.

"Alex, look, I know you don't want to do this but you have to. She wouldn't have liked you to be like this, you know that."

"It's her fucking birthday today," I told him. "It's her fucking birthday."

"I know, man. I know but-"

"But what?" I asked, gripping tightly at the ends of my hair. I wanted the pain to take this away, but nothing was helping.

"You need to keep it together."

"Like you?"

Luke sighed, taking off his glasses, showing his bloodshot eyes. This was the first time I saw him broken, my best friend, my brother. Gerald fucked us all over.

"It's her fucking birthday today," I hissed, lowering my voice. "It's her fucking birthday, this wasn't how this shit was supposed to turn out, this," I said, motioning towards the people grieving, "This is not what it was supposed to be like."

"I know," Luke said, lowering his gaze. "There's nothing we can do, Alex. She's dead."

"And you think I don't know that? You think that this doesn't haunt me? Every fucking day?"

Luke turned away, focusing on Marty, who was sniffling, his hand on Raymond's shoulder. There's stinging in my eyes, I realize. And my face felt wet. Tears. Fucking tears. I wiped them off angrily, forcefully.

"I was supposed to be proposing right now, Luke. I was supposed to be asking her to marry me."

Luke nodded, avoiding my gaze.

"I was supposed to propose, and instead we're at a fucking cemetery."

I see the priest, getting ready, looking towards us. How do prepare for this? How the fuck do you face a reality so cruel?

"Let's go, man. Come on."

Luke squeezed my shoulder, and I take a deep breath. It's hard to look at people, it's hard to pretend to be fine. But I walked over there, straighten my back, keep my steps as steady as possible. And then I see her. Beautiful as ever.

I took my seat and close my eyes, letting out the longest breath I can. The priest looked over to me to see if we're ready to begin. I wasn't, we would never be, but nonetheless, I nodded.

"Dearly beloved, we are here to honor a life cut short. A life that was only beginning. We are here to remember not to take any single moment on this Earth for granted, because we never know when it will be the last. We are here to honor the life of the beautiful, Angela Grace Moretti, who was taken far too early from us."

I take Eileen's hand in mine, and she squeezed it, glancing over at me with a small smile. It was her birthday, and I was supposed to be surprising her with a ring. Instead we're burying Angela.

Fucking hell.

Her small body was shaken so badly when Gerald hit their car that she never had a chance. Her cervical spine was detached from the way her head flew back and forth. It was a quick death according to the doctors.

Eileen had a severe concussion, she'd barely woken up when I had to tell her that Angela had died. The words of the priest were all a blur, I didn't really listen. Nothing he could have possibly said would ever ease the pain of not getting there on time, of not being able to fucking do something.

"I love you," Eileen quietly murmured.

Her brown eyes were set on me, I could sense it. Despite the hell the past week had been, she'd still remind me how much she cared for me. I didn't, couldn't understand how the hell she was keeping it together. She cried the first day, uncontrollably. But after that, it's like she had numbed the wound.

"Do you have any words?"

The priest was addressing us, and I could only see Eileen nod slightly. I helped her stand up, aware that she was still getting dizzy and her headaches were still pretty severe. I held her by her small waist, her body next to mine offering some consolation as far as the pain.

I felt her suck in a deep breath, before she let out a shaky laugh.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, "I, um, I didn't really prepare anything. I just, uh, want to thank everyone for being here. It means everything to me to know how loved Angie was. She... She was everything to me. She always will be."

I saw how she glanced over to the casket and the goosebumps that coated her skin. I ran my hands over her pale arms, arms that had one day held a child so precious that we were now laying to rest.

"Angie... She was my angel in the middle of the storm. She was my saving grace. The fact that she's not here anymore... It hurts. But I hope you all know that she'd like to see everyone of you happy. I want to thank you, and I hope you know how much each of you meant to her. Marty, for being her surrogate grandfather. Luke, because," I saw how her lip quivered, and pulled her closer to me, "you've been a great uncle to her. Daddy... Because she enjoyed every moment with her papa, and Moretti," I had to close my eyes when her sad brown eyes met turned to look at me. I wouldn't be able to handle her saying anything to me, yet I knew she would. "Moretti, you were the best father she could have ever had."

The sincerity in her eyes, made me falter for a moment, but I placed a kiss on her head and told her I loved her. There was nothing else I could do. As the ceremony concluded and we laid Angie down to rest the whole place was silent.

There's something about funerals. The grief is there, but when it's a child that you're burying nothing makes sense. I could see the same confusion in everyone's faces. The disbelief that someone so innocent could pay for someone else's actions was palpable. I placed the necklace that I had bought her, the necklace that was supposed to be worn by her during our wedding. I placed it in her tiny hand before the casket was closed.

"I love you Angie... My princess."

We watched as the small casket was lowered, never to be seen again. And that's when I heard it... That's when I heard the most agonizing, heart wrenching cry that I'd ever heard in my life.

Eileen broke down completely, falling to her knees. Broken. Shattered. Never to be whole again. Her sole reason for living was gone, and nothing would ever replace it. That's when I saw the woman I love change, the woman I love die before my eyes.

I knelt down and held her as the process concluded. Her body shook with grief, the grief that was slowly consuming every part of her soul.

"I know baby," I murmured, "I know... I'm so fucking sorry."

I was careful with the bandage she had wrapped around her head due to her injury, but fuck, I wanted to take all her grief. Take it so she wouldn't feel it. I wanted to bring Angie back. If I had one fucking wish, that is exactly what I would wish for.

Eileen didn't see when it was completely lowered, she didn't see when the box that held our daughter was completely covered. She only held on to me, and I didn't dare let her go.

Her eyes were closing again. It had been such an exhausting day. Her birthday and she buried her daughter. How fucked up is this world?

"You should go rest," Raymond said, stroking her cheek.

Eileen's eyes opened, meeting her dads.

"I'm fine," she said quietly. "You go rest daddy, your leg needs to heal."

He sat in the wheelchair while she laid on the sofa where so many times we had all watched movies together. My chest ached at the thought.

I watched them from afar, father and daughter interacting for all the wrong reasons. A hand on my shoulder made me turn around.

"Will you be okay, son?"

I laughed humorlessly.

"I understand. You will get through this, though. You have each other," Marty said. His eyes looking much older than usual, due to the slight bruising that still covered his face.

"Let's go outside," he said.

I followed behind him, taking one last glance at Eileen whos eyes had closed again. Marty sighed, taking a look around the garden that had recently been redecorated, again, to Angie's wishes. She'd chosen the flowers.

"She's still here," he stated. My eyes closed and the first thing that I saw was her limp body.

"Alexander Moretti, say it, say that she's still here."

"Marty, do-"

"Say it. Say her name."

The lump that formed in my throat couldn't be ignored, but I pushed it back.

"Angie is still here," I said, not able to ignore the crack in my voice when I spoke.

"Say that it wasn't your fault."

"Marty, I can't. If I would have-"

"Say it, Alexander."

"It wasn't my fault."

Marty nodded satisfied and raised his hand, patting my cheek much like a father would.

"Don't be hard on yourself, son. Angie wouldn't like that. She'd tell you to watch Frozen to cheer up, go do just that. Go be there for that woman who lost her daughter, be her support and she'll be yours. Don't let this break apart something that Angie loved so dearly."

With those words Marty left. Luke wasn't home, probably drinking at the bar that we frequented. Everyone was falling the fuck apart and I had no idea how to fix this. It was as if I had all the pieces of the puzzle sitting in front of me and I couldn't place them together.

Killing Gerald, that didn't faze me. Losing Angela? That was fucking hell.

I walked inside the house, only to find Raymond struggling to sit on the sofa. His legs had been trapped for such a long time it was a miracle that he didn't lose them, though he didn't have much feeling in one. I helped him take a seat, watching how his leg fell limp.

"Take her upstairs," he said referring to Eileen. "She's tired, she keeps drifting between sleep and wakefulness."

"Do you need anything?" I asked him. He shook his head, closing his eyes. He'd been sleeping on that same sofa where Angela had first hugged him since the day he was allowed to leave the hospital.

I picked Eileen up bridal style, and she barely even stirred. She seemed so weak, so fucking fragile, and for a moment I wished it could all end. That we could all be reunited.

I laid her down, watched as she settled in bed. Her eyes opened once again, the sadness within them too much to bear. After a few moments, she sat up, removing the black dress she was still wearing and I stood there in awe, only watching her.

She sat there naked, only looking at me before speaking up.

"Hold me, Alex," she whispered so quiet that I thought I didn't hear her.

I took off my own clothes, and as soon as I was naked I laid next to her, holding her body so close to mine that I felt our heartbeats become one. There was nothing sexual about this, it was just two mourning souls, two hearts wanting to be healed comforting each other.

"She loved you with all her heart," she whispered.

"I love her too."

-Luz