《Strange world》Bed
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Lately, waking in the night
I turn myself, move to the far side of the bed
His bed, his golden bed
painted gold by him, long before we met
Never did this move before — his side!
Always his, right side was his, his bedtime need
(so I went left, both newfound bedsides fine by me)
his big down pillows piled up very high
his fair share of his heavy wool duvet (I learned duvet from him)
his preference, duvets, a Polish taste, he said, now mine
(his Polish tastes now mine, all mine)
his eyes, closed roundly, softly sealed
his lips half smiling in his secret dream
his lovely lively limbs stretched smoothly out in sleep
his many silver scars, his slender warmth
his shadowed shape, his scent
his everything
Never used to wake at night but now I do
Sometimes I do, just sometimes, feeling chilled
or nightmare-shocked, or some small ache perhaps —
now when that happens, sometimes I move right
Turns out his side is better now than mine
smoother, sweetly firm, more welcoming
Unburdened mattress sector lasting better, stronger there?
Six years I have not turned the mattress, since his cruel, stupid death
his bedside borders left intact, untouched since then
not pressed upon by living moving flesh, hence more resilient?
Or something else. . .at least the right side has a better, gentler feel
now that sometimes I will turn, move
migrate right, concealed by night
Does not feel wrong, or sad, though I don't ever start out there
just deep in darkness, late, as if I am invited now
sometimes I travel to that land
and, somehow, it is good
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