I stand in the airport, a bag that I had quickly thrown together in my hand with my ticket tightly held in my other. I hadn't told Dream that I was leaving, he watched me confused as I moved around the house picking separate things up and feeling my heart ache but I needed to get out. I wanted to go home and I am sure he would understand later. I buzz rings my phone, followed by another then another but I turn it off before it goes on.

The flight home was hard. I tried to sleep but couldn't, I couldn't eat any of the food they would offer and I couldn't sit still the whole ride. The only seats that had been left were some business class ones so I had my laptop out in front of myself the whole time making it so I looked busy.

When the plane landed my heart was still aching but I pushed past it, ordering a taxi to take me to Brighton but having it drop me off not too far from Will's apartment that we used to live in. I find myself laughing slightly at how much of the American worlds that I have been using thanks to Dream.

I make my way up the stairs once I arrived at the building, the sky dropping small rain drops onto the pavement. When I get to the door of the old apartment, I use the key that I had kept for so long and am not surprised when it works, letting me back into the place I had lived in for a while when it was easier. I see Will sitting at the kitchen island looking stressed as he plays with his phone in his hands.

"Will," I say cautiously, stepping into the apartment and quietly closing the door behind myself.

"River," His head snaps up as he looks over to the door, seeing me looking a mess. "River, why are you here?" Will asks and it may sound rude slightly but I know that it's not meant to come off as it is. He is genuinely worried and confused as to why I am standing here, back in Europe. I shake my head slightly, looking down at the ground, refusing to let myself cry anymore. "River, you can't just bottle it all up, please just tell me." Will sighs, coming over to me and wrapping me in a hug as silent sobs try to force themselves out.

"I don't want to talk about it," I whisper and Will sighs. We stand in silence for a few moments with me crying into his chest as I missed my big brother who promised to protect me and I missed my boyfriend.

"Riv," Will speaks up, calling me by his nickname he gave me when I was first born and I refuse to look up at him. "He is worried sick about you." He says as if he was reading my mind.

"I ran ok?" I tell, pulling away from my older brother and I can't meet his eyes because I know that he has that look in his eyes. The look that tells me that it is going to be ok, the look I had looked too when I was litter but I know that he can't save me from this. "I ran because I was scared," I yell, putting my hands on the sides of my head to try and stop the pounding in my head but it doesn't stop. "I ran because I was scared." I repeat, tears falling down

"Riv," Will tries to cut me off but I'm already on a roll and don't want to stop now because if I don't say it now then I won't ever get to say it.

"And I love him and I want to go back," I say, looking up to meet my brothers eyes which are soft as I talk about Dream but I see the concern behind them as I keep crying. "I see why this is bad, ok?" I say motioning to my surroundings. "I can't do that again, I was scared and he didn't care, he went back to the game and," I start to ramble and Will's eyes are wide now as he grabs my hand.

"Calm," He says and I look up at him as he motions for me to sit on the floor with him so I do. He used to do this when we were little and I got scared of something or overwhelmed. "Breathe," He instructs and takes deep breaths with me, bringing them back down until I am just hiccuping. "Did you know he won?" Will tells me and I look down at the ground not caring about the game at the moment.

"Will,"

"He finished as quickly as he could," Will tells me and I draw little circles on the floor with my fingers, trying to keep myself distracted and focused on Will's words at the same time. "You should have heard his voice, he was so happy Riv." He informs me and it only makes me want to cry again.

"Will,"

"He ended the stream as fast as he could and turned to talk to you. We were all still on call." Will explains and my heart aches with regret and pain even though I did this to myself. "He was in call with us when he realized you left."

"Will,"

"He sounded so heartbroken Riv," Will goes on and emotional pain, the worse pain I have ever felt, ripples through my body making me want to roll up and cry. "You could hear the pain in his voice."

"William." I snap and he stops finally. I run a hand through my long hair, trying to clear my head and get ride of the pounding while also trying to keep myself from crying. Will holds out his arms, offering me a hug because he is my big brother and he has promised to protect me.

"Just call him please," Will says and I can't meet his eyes. "Please River," He pleads silently and I try to pull myself together again.