I was blinded by flashing lights and paparazzi yelling my name as I stepped out of the SUV with Alisha and my friend and fellow model, Kate Moss. We were spending New Year's Eve with a couple friends at SoHo House club in West Hollywood.

It was my first night back in LA after being back at home for the holiday season. I had left LA the morning after me and Michael's hot and steamy night. He called me everyday talking about how well his album was doing and of course, I was happy to be that ear for him and cheer him on, because I respected him and his work as an artist.

It never failed when the conversation turned sappy towards the end though. He was missing me and I was missing him. It was evident in our conversations. We weren't a couple yet, but I appreciated how just because we had sex, he didn't rush into one, because truthfully I still wasn't ready.

I told him that I wasn't ready because I was still trying to heal and discover myself again. It wouldn't be fair for Michael to give me all 100% of him, while I gave him only 50-60% of me because I wasn't where I wanted to be emotionally and mentally. I wouldn't be able to reciprocate his energy.

Michael understood and I was grateful for that. He always joked with me saying that I couldn't get away from him that easily so we still took our relationship one day at a time, one phone call at a time.

He'd always thrown in some sexual innuendos too. They became even more often now since we had sex. Twice. He'd always say something slick like "Why don't you come back and I can show you another good time."

I always laughed it off and fed into his ego talking about how amazing it was, but I never gave in. Mostly because I was over an hour away from him. That's not to say I didn't miss his body though. Every night, that special night creeped back into my mind reminding me of how good he made me feel. I never ever had sex that good before. I didn't tell him that, because I knew it'd just inflate his ego even more.

I hadn't talked to him today though, probably because the day before I told him I was going out. He groaned at me telling him that. Mostly because he was jealous and didn't like the thought of me being around other men, but despite us not even being a couple, I was still faithful to him. I wasn't that kind of girl.

As Alisha, Kate, and I headed up to V.I.P, we were greeted by our large friend group who we hadn't seen in awhile. "Ashley! Alisha!" Hazel yelled running over to us. Gianna, my manager Cameron's assistant, also ran over.

We all hugged as music blasted in our ears. We made our way to the table to be greeted by more of our friends from college, more models Kate and I knew, and a few celebrities were also in attendance.

"Ashley! How have you've been!" Beverly Peele asked as we all sat in the booth sipping on our drinks. I swallowed and nodded my head, "I'm great! Life's been good!" I said with a smile. "That's good! I'm so happy for you! I've missed you! I haven't seen you since the Chanel show in '90!" she said back.

I laughed and she added, "Also the night you hit it off with Michael," as she sipped her drink, pursing her lips. All the girls ooo'ed and ahh'ed as she said that and I shook my head. "Ooo, yeah are you two dating? We've heard about the after party, you were in his music video, AND you went to his album release party," Gianna added smirking.

"Let's not forget the pictures of them leaving the album party together," Kate added. I guess I was in the hot seat. I couldn't avoid it forever though. I silently exhaled and spoke. "No, we're not dating. We're just friends," I said shrugging.

"Friends my ass. Where did y'all go after that party?" Hazel asked nosey. I just smiled and then she turned to Alisha. "Where'd they go, Lish?" she asked her.

Alisha looked at me and took a sip of her drink as all the girls screamed. "Shut up!" I hissed laughing. "So y'all are dating!" Cindy exclaimed. "No, no. We are not dating. We're friends. Really good friends."

"Ashley did you fuck him?" Hazel asked with a look on her face. I didn't want everyone in our business so I lied, "No. I haven't," I said trying to sound confident. They believed it. Only Alisha knew the truth and every time we talked she asked me about it. It's like she was trying to relive it vicariously through me.

The girls all grilled me some more about Michael and what he was like. I was happy to tell people some stuff about him because I knew the rep the media placed on him and so I was happy to tell people how normal he was. He was like any other man. He was caring, genuine, all around gentlemen, and horny.

As we all caught up and sang along to the music, some guys approached us. "Hey pretty ladies. Happy New Year! Say, why don't we all buy you the next round?" Before we could ALL decide, Hazel jumped in and took over, "Sure, but only if you cover our tab at the end of the night." The guys all smiled and agreed.

There was a guy for all of us to talk to, but I wasn't interested in Brett, the one who was talking to me. He was sweet and good looking, but I didn't want him. My eyes were set on only one man.

"So, you graduated from USC right?" he asked. I nodded as I sipped my drink, "Yeah. Class of 1990. Go Trojans!" I said as we both laughed.

"Impressive. I went to school as well," he added. "Oh cool! Where?"

"I went to Cal State Long Beach," he answered. "I had a couple of friends go there! Amazing school!" i said as I glanced over at Alisha who was damn near having sex in the corner with the guy she matched up with. "Um, excuse me. I'll be right back," I said to Brett as I got up and he nodded.

"Alisha!" I said as she made out with this guy. "Damn, Lish," Hazel added as she walked up to us. "Alisha! You are so nasty!!" Cindy added as she walked up too.

I pulled her away as she turned around and mouthed to him that she'd be back. We pulled her off to the side of the club. "You're a whore," Hazel teased as me and Cindy busted out laughing. She flipped her off and looked at all of us. "What y'all want? Don't y'all realize it's New Year's and I want a kiss to ring in the New Year."

"I think you want a little more than a kiss," Beverly said as she walked up. "Well, we wouldn't have this problem if she," she said pointing at me, "had told Jackie Jackson about me the night of Michael's release party! You were supposed to be my wingwoman!" she exclaimed as we all laughed.

"Ain't he married?" Cindy asked and I nodded. "Yep. That's why I didn't say anything," I said, shrugging. "That doesn't matter to me," Alisha said back smartly. "We see that."

We all laughed at Alisha as the DJ played 'Remember The Time.' We all screamed and headed to the dance floor. We danced and sang loudly not having a care in the world. Boys kept coming up to us as we all danced but we turned them down and kept dancing with each other.

"Those sweet memories

Will always be dear to me

And girl, no matter what was said

I will never forget what we had

Now baby"

I danced and twirled with Gianna as she and I sang to each other. The song went off and the crowd applauded us and we all giggled at each other. Hazel being the extra one of course, bowed and blew kisses. He continued to play a Michael medley and we all went crazy and kept dancing.

"Alright, everyone go grab your drinks and get ready to bring in the New Year! 10 minutes till 1992!" The DJ yelled through the microphone.

The girls and I all headed to the bar when a photographer asked to take our pictures. Of course he took my picture when the bartender was flirting with me. I know I'm going to have to hear Michael's voice about it when he finds these pictures.

What made it so bad was that I was smiling so it looked like I entertained his flirting but I wasn't! I was just being nice! I smile at everyone! That's why my nickname is Smiles.

We all headed back up to our booth and waited for the New Year. "20 seconds till 1992 yall!" The DJ yelled out. The girls and I all stood up with our drinks.

"Help me out y'all! 10......9.....8......7......" The DJ yelled as the crowd chanted. "5.....4.....3....." The girls and I all raised our glasses in the air, "2.....1!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!" The whole club shouted.

We all clinked glasses and chugged our drinks before we all went around hugging each other. Lastly, I got to Alisha. "Happy New Year bestie!!" I exclaimed as I pulled her into a hug. "Happy New Year Ash!!!" she exclaimed back in my ear. "I don't know what I'd ever do without you!!" I said in her ear. "It's us against the world girlfriend," she said as we pulled back from our hug.

A few celebrities had come over to me and wished me a Happy New Year in which I said back to them. When I sat back down in the booth, my phone started ringing. "Happy New Year babygirl!!" my dad exclaimed on the line as my mom echoed the same words in the background. "Happy New Year mom and dad! I love y'all so much!!! Where's Ashton?"

"He's asleep. He's only 3, but we love you too. Have a good rest of the night and be safe! Conquer 1992!" they said before we got off the phone. I also received a phone call from my grandparents and a few from people I've met through modeling.

As I went to put my phone back in my purse, it rang again. I answered, "hello?" I heard a smile through the phone. "Happy New Year Smiles!" It was Michael. "Joker!? Oh my gosh, Happy New Year! I've been waiting for your call all day!" I exclaimed as I walked over to a corner where it wasn't so loud.

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd be busy all day since you were going out, so I didn't think you'd want to hear my voice." "I always want to hear your voice," I said back softly.

I heard him giggle through the phone, "Are you having fun?" he asked. "Yeah! It's been a lot of fun! The DJ played a Michael Jackso medley tonight," I said as I heard him giggle again. "What about you? What'd you do tonight?"

"Uh, I'm just at Neverland watching a movie. It's a quiet night for me," he said sadly and my heart slightly broke at the thought of him alone. "I thought the Cascio's were staying with you till after the New year?" I asked confused. "Yeah, they were supposed to but Dominic had an emergency at the hotel so they had to fly home." I frowned a bit.

I could tell by the tone in his voice he was sad. It broke my heart at how lonely Michael was. The most known person in the world, yet could count the number of true friends he had on one hand. Alisha teased me about how clingy Michael was, but I realized it was because he was lonely. He told me he felt like the only person in the world sometimes and how alone he also felt.

I told him he wasn't alone anymore and that he always had me and he cried, happy tears.

"I'm sorry to hear that Michael. I wish I had known," I said feeling for him. "It's okay, really," he said trying to reassure me, but I know he was sad inside. "Well, I don't want to keep you. I just wanted to wish you a happy new year. I know 1992 is going to bring great things for you," he said.

I smiled, "Thank you, Michael," I started softly, "The same goes for you. 1992 is going to be your year! I can feel it!" I said as we both laughed. "Have a goodnight Ashley. Be safe," he said with sadness in his voice like he didn't want to get off the phone. "Goodnight, Michael," I said softly.

We hung up and I sat there in thought for a while. I made one more phone and then left in search of my friends. I found them and pulled Alisha to the side, "Alisha, I have to go. Wes is here." "Wha..what? Where are you going? Are you okay? Did something happen?" she asked me concerned.

"No, I'm fine. It's just there's somewhere I have to be tonight." I could tell she knew what and who I meant. "Okay," she said as she hugged me, "Call me in the morning! Be safe!" she yelled out.

"I will! Tell the girls bye for me!" I made my way out of the club and got in the SUV ready for this 2 hour drive.

As I sat in the living room watching Peter Pan for the millionth time, I heard knocks at my front door. Who could that be? I wasn't notified of anyone entering the property. I looked at the clock on the wall and it read 2:15 AM.

I slowly got up and walked to the door. I opened it and there revealed Ashley with all smiles. She ran in and hugged me, "Hi! Happy New Year!" she exclaimed in my ear. I pulled back from the hug. "What-what are you doing here!" I asked shocked as I closed the door behind us.

"I'm here to see you! You sounded sad on the phone and it broke my heart." I smiled at her, "You left the club to come see me? I thought you were having fun? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your night."

"No, Michael, it's okay. You didn't ruin anything. I had fun at the club, yes, but still my heart was somewhere else and when you called I realized where it was at. It was here with you," she said tilting her head, smiling at me.

I smiled back and hugged her. Happy to hear her affectionate words. "Are you sure?" I asked again as we pulled back but kept our arms around each other. "Yes!"

"But I-" I started as she placed her index finger on my lips, "Shh. I want to be here with you."

This girl drove me crazy. She made me feel so loved. I didn't feel alone when I was with her. "Well, what do you wanna do?" I asked. She looked up and pretended to think, "Hmm. Well, you see, I never did get my New Year's kiss." She said, smirking. I smirked back.

"You know what?" I asked, "Neither did I?" "Isn't that unfortunate?" she asked back. I nodded, "It sure is. What do you think we should do about that?" I asked as she started smiling. "I have an idea," she said as she leaned in and kissed me passionately.

We began making out right there in front of the front door and she was turning me on heavily, but I knew she wanted to take it slow, so I didn't make any move on her. She pulled back and bit her lip. She let go of me and took my hand leading me to my room. I watched her figure intently as she walked.

When we got in my room, she led me over to the bed and then turned around to close and lock the door. I watched her as she turned back towards me. She slowly and teasingly took off her clothes, leaving herself in her bra and underwear. I licked my lips as I stared at her. She walked over to me slowly and pushed me on the bed. She climbed on top of me and kissed me again. Our kiss getting more intense and passionate by the second.

We did way more than just a New Year's Kiss.