🌟🌟🌟

🌟🌟🌟

It's been a whole week since I last saw Marnie. A whole week since she ended things. My heart felt heavy as I left her, she wouldn't listen to me. I messed up and I take full responsibility for what I did. I don't know how to fix the damage I made, but I was willing to try.

I attempted to talk to her but she wouldn't hear it. She couldn't even look at me and when she did, her expression looked indifferent... distant.

She looked at me like she didn't know who I was and that fucking killed me.

In the days that followed, I thought maybe giving her time and space would help, and maybe she could give me a second chance to make this right. So I hoped.

I would do anything for her. I would fight for her because I love her.

After the fourth day of her absence, I decided to talk to her best friend Sky to see if she heard from her. Of course, she bit my head off and refused to tell me anything. She knew we were broken up and told me to stay away from Marnie if I knew what was good for me.

I can understand why she's mad. I deserve it.

I also deserved the slap I received from Kira when I ended things. A small crowd had gathered around our lockers as Kira screamed and cried in my face. I stood there with a stoic expression, hardly taking in any of her words -- which were mostly cursed words -- that were thrown at me. When she was done and left me with the stinging sensation on my left cheek from where her palm met my skin, I knew this was the fall out of all the mess I'd caused.

Despite Marnie wanting space, I had to message her and make sure she was okay. I still cared for her and I just wanted to know if everything was fine.

Although she never responded and as the days went by, I became more and more agitated. I would call her but the call would immediately cut off.

Today, I walked the hallways of school like a ghost. I was alive physically but I felt like I was dead inside. Nothing mattered anymore, not even my band. I drifted down the hallways and sat through classes feeling lost.

I was failing my classes and college seemed to be slipping through my fingers like sand.

This is all my fault. I deserve this punishment since I started treating girls the same way.

As soon as I spoke to Marnie and she dumped me, I went a little mad. My whole world crumbled. I got drunk and stayed out all night. I ended up on the uncomfortable sofa at Matt's house in the early afternoon covered in my own vomit. Matt said I rang him at three in the morning after getting kicked out of a club just out of town.

The day after that was when I decided to get my shit together and win Marnie back -- but she never showed up to school. I was confused.

Why didn't she show? It can't be because we aren't dating anymore.

I had to find out, whether she liked it or not. If something was wrong with her, it would kill me.

I see Sky walking out of class with a miserable look on her face. I know I should mind my own business but I just can't help myself. It's the girl I love and care for.

"Sky!" her eyes widen when she notices me striding toward her.

She adjusts the strap of her backpack and pulls a book to her chest. Judging by her expression, she is not happy with me and I don't blame her.

"Have you heard anything?" Sky looks at me for a good few seconds, her eyes narrowing and she huffs under her breath. The next few words she lets out have me stumbling back, stunned.

"She's gone, Reese. She isn't coming back."

What?

What is she talking about?

With my horrified expression, Sky continues to whisper an explanation.

"She won't be returning to school, her mom got into a bad accident Friday night. I'm surprised you didn't hear about it on the news. Mariah is going to rehab and Marnie is living with a family friend on the other side of town. She said she's going back to homeschooling for the rest of the school year. It's what's best for her, especially with the media following her around, looking after her mom and selling her family home."

All this new information is making my head swirl. I need to sit down, I lean back against the metal lockers -- trying to absorb this news. She's gone.

I haven't seen or heard anything involving Mariah or Marnie. I've been completely detached this past week and no one told me anything. This is the first I've heard about it.

Shit, Marnie must be going through a lot right now. I wish I was there to help her through this.

"What do you mean selling her family home?"

Sky glances around the hallway though it's already quiet since the next bell is due to ring at any minute. Sky lowers her voice even quieter when she speaks, "Mariah has gotten herself into a lot of debt because of her addiction. They were forced to sell their home to pay it off."

Holy shit.

Her mom is going through the same thing my mom did. They both have addictions, my mom with shopping and Marine's mom with alcohol. I know what it's like to watch someone spiral out of control and I feel fucking terrible that Marnie had to go through it.

I also feel fucking bad for telling her all my shit that night at the beach when she was dealing with this sort of shit at home. Marnie still comforted me despite her troubles and my heart bleeds for my angel. The girl I've lost because I'm a selfish, insecure jerk.

"Jesus," my heart slices with unbearable pain.

I won't see her in school, will I see her ever again?

"Sky, could you tell Marnie that I'm sorry... about everything and I fucked up so bad--"

Sky narrows her eyes at me, her head shaking. "Reese, I believe you're sorry for what you did to her and I saw the way you were together, I could tell you guys were in love. But it's just too late. I think Marnie needs time. She won't be here for senior year and she needs to focus on her life right now before it all falls apart. Maybe one day, you guys might rekindle your romance -- when it's the right time."

I felt the air being knocked out of my lungs. Christ, I've never felt pain quite like this.

Guilt, hurt and shame overwhelm me. I should have trusted Marnie, I should have been there for her when her world was crashing down on her. Instead, I made it fucking worse like I always do.

"Yeah. Thanks, Sky." I mumble and turn away. My head slumps forward as I walk through the corridor and out the front double doors. I need to leave this place, to get away and think for a while.

There is only one spot I'll be able to think straight. One person, I need to speak to when my world is falling apart. Right now, I need him.

Hayden.

After a half-hour bike ride, I pull up to the familiar cemetery and walk along the path until I spot the grey headstone. I sit on the thick blades of grass next to my brother's grave, the sleek grey headstone carved in bold black letters.

Hayden Black - a son, a brother and a friend. May he rest in peace. 1996 - 2014

I often visit Hayden when things get too bad and I need to let off some steam. He always gave the best advice when he was alive and helped me through shit when I needed him. And now I feel he's still here to listen to my fucked up life. He helps me and he's not even here anymore.

God, I wish he was.

He's up there somewhere telling me to stop sulking and fix this. He would tell me to not give up, especially on the people I love most.

Marnie was the only girl who changed me, who gave me hope. She made me better, happier and more alive.

Maybe Sky was right, maybe this isn't the right time to be in a relationship. Yet I refuse to give up on Marnie. I will wait for her until we're both in a better place. When it's the right time for both of us.

You'll always be the one Marnie. I know that now, and I won't ever let you go. You may be gone right now but you'll always be in my heart.

Always and forever.

🌟🌟🌟