I had been waiting in front of the AP Calculus class waiting for Mia. A minute ago she had texted me to meet her here. I was standing there awkwardly as students were passing by me, still glancing and whispering at seeing me. 

Ethan was sick and was not able to come to school for a few days. So I was deprived of his protective presence as well.

Couldn't they mind their own business??

I sighed and stared at my shoes, trying to distract myself from all of the unwanted attention I was receiving. My mind quickly and quite happily got drowned in the memories of last night and heat rushed up from my neck to my face and my heartbeat quickened.

I bit my lip as I remembered the moment Chris and I had fallen on my bed with me under him. The way his jade eyes turned darker as he was staring down at me with desire. The way my own traitorous body was reacting to him, burning for him to touch me.

I groaned and hide my face in my hands embarrassed as I recalled how much I wanted him to kiss me. God! What was happening to me? I never had felt this way before. Who was I kidding? I never even had my first kiss yet.

Was he really wanting to kiss me as well? Or was it just my wild imagination? 

Why didn't he kiss me?

Goodness me! What was happening to me??? 

I then remembered the way I fell asleep beside him. I couldn't help to not snuggle more to his warmth. I was feeling so safe beside him. Last night when he tucked me in bed I slept the best I had after god knows how long.

My heart fluttered remembering how he had kissed my face that had lulled me to sleep. How much I wanted him to be in bed with me and just hold me tight with a promise of never letting go.

Oh, dear Lord! I really, like really liked him! I think I'm going to have red cheeks for the rest of my life!

"Ella!" 

I was snapped out of my thoughts at hearing Mia's voice. I looked up and saw her running toward me.

"Mia!" I greeted her as she grabbed my arm and dragged me to a less crowded corner. "What's wrong?"

"You won't believe this." she panted and tried to gain her normal breathing. Her eyes were sparkling and she had a huge grin on her face. "You won't believe what I saw."

"What did you see?" I asked impatiently, getting nervous slowly.

"You should have seen them." squealed Mia, trying to keep her voice low. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me a bit excitedly. 

"I went to the school's backyard in search of Chase." she hurriedly began explaining heatedly. "There I saw Chase, Chris, and those douchbags, Hector and Vincent. A freshman little boy was curled up on the ground in front of them. I think Hector and Vincent had brought him there."

I frowned instantly, feeling slightly nauseous. What was Chris doing? Was he participating in the poor boy's torture? He had promised me he would never do it again. "What was Chris doing?" I asked quickly, feeling nauseous.

"That's the exciting part." squealed Mia in a hushed voice. "Chris helped the boy to his feet, dusted him off and gave him his bag, and send him away although Hector was protesting. Chase also helped Chris."

I sighed in relief for a second before Mia continued.

"Then Hector said shit about Chris." continued Mia. "He said how Chris had gone soft. But Chris said he wants to be soft if that means to act like a human and turned to leave with Chase when Hector said Chris had gone soft because of you having sex with him. Hector was saying how he liked to have you in bed and that was when Chris lost his shit and began to beat the living daylights out of that bastard."

I gasped and put a hand on my mouth. My heart was jumping out of my chest. "Where is Chris?" I asked panicked. "Is he fine? Did Hector hurt him?"

"Calm down, girl." smirked Mia. "He didn't let Hector a chance to lift his fucking finger. Chase also beat the shit out of Vincent who wanted to go and help Hector. When Chris was done redecorating Hector's face, he told them to get lost. Then I saw them, and God! was I proud of Chase. I told him of course and told Chris that I will tell you as well and here I am. Phew!"

She exhaled loudly after finishing her ramble. I looked down at my shoe with a smile. I was too happy that he had really kept his promise to me. It was so good to know that. But I didn't want him to get into fights whenever anyone was saying things to him or me. Although I should say the thought of him protecting my name was making me almost swoon.

"He likes you alot." said Mia and I looked up at her who was smiling softly. "I'm talking about Chris. He didn't lose his shit not before Hector insulted you. He likes you alot."

She then smirked and a mischievous glint shone in her eyes. "And by the look of your flushed face I think you like him as well." she concluded and narrowed her eyes playfully. "Tell me, have you kissed yet?"

"Mia!" I snapped and glared at her who began to laugh hard. "No, we have not."

"Then I'm sure you will soon." she said suggestively while wiggling her eyebrows, making me even more flushed. "A full make-out session."

I crossed my arms defensively. "Oh, really?" I said. "What about you and Chase? Why were you looking for him earlier?"

I grinned victoriously as her face quickly turned nervous and her smirk fell. She gulped and her cheeks turned pink this time. 

I raised my eyebrows. "Well?" I said. "I'm listening."

She sighed and began to tell me everything that had happened last night and how she was worried for Chase. I couldn't help but smile warmly. They looked so cute together and Chase seemed to really care for her.

"You like him." I stated with a smile, just as the bell rang.

Mia sighed and grabbed my hand and we walked to the class together. "I think I might have picked up some likings toward him after the night we went to the fair." she confessed and looked at me as we took our seats.

"I can't deny it, Ella." she said looking a bit worried. "He is really attractive and he can be a great guy if he wants. I found out how he can be if he stops acting like an asshole. I want to give us a chance after what I saw. But I need to talk with him first."

"That's great, Mia." I smiled brightly at my nervous friend and gave her hand a squeeze. "I wish the best for you two."

"Thank you." smiled Mia and then both of us began to pull our things out of our bags. 

I was glancing worriedly at the door from time to time, waiting impatiently for Chris. What if he was hurt? Why were they late? What if Hector and Vincent had cornered them and hurt them?

I was about to take my phone out and call him when I saw both of them walk into the class. I relaxed a bit as I saw no sign of injury on Chris. They walked toward us and I watched Chase grab Mia and pull her out of her seat. 

"Chris, sit with Eleanor." ordered Chase while gently pushing Mia to sit in a row behind. "Mia and I should talk."

Chris nodded and sat on Mia's previous seat and immediately I bombarded him with my questions. "Are you fine? Are you hurt?" I asked and quickly grabbed his hand, inspecting the skin of his knuckles that had burst open. "God! You should clean this. You shouldn't have fought."

"Angel, it's okay." He said and smiled but I could easily say that it was forced. 

I just stared into his eyes not letting go of his big warm hand. He was staring back at me but something was definitely wrong with him. I could practically feel his internal battle. His soul seemed so troubled behind the frame of his eyes.

Did he hate me because of what had happened with his friends? Was he regretting helping me?

"I'm fine." he said reassuringly and looked away from me.

I felt a painful tug in my heart. Why couldn't he look into my eyes? I was proud of him. What was bothering him? He looked to be torn and that was making me torn as well. I opened my mouth to ask him, but just then our teacher walked in and I shut my mouth.

Don't get me wrong. AP Calculus was my favorite class ever, but I was dying for it to end that one time. It looked like the clock in front of the class was mocking me by ticking so slowly. And Chris wasn't helping me with his behavior either.

From the start, he had not glanced at me once. A deep frown was on his face and his eyes were distant. It was killing me to see him distant from me again. 

What if he would push me away?? What if he would go back to his previous ways?? Please, God, I couldn't bear it. Not now that I liked him this much.

Not able to take that condition anymore, I opened my notebook and quickly wrote on it.

Are you fine??

I wrote and slide the notebook in front of Chris. He blinked several times and first looked at me confused and then at my note. And then frowned reading it. He then glanced at me and smiled although his eyes were full of guilt.

He picked up his pen and quickly wrote an answer, sliding it back to me.

I'm fine, angel. Don't mind me. 

I bit my lip and wrote another question that was bothering me.

Are you mad at me?

I slide the notebook back to him and saw his frown deepen and he looked back at me sharply.

"What the hell gave you this impression?" he asked this time in a quiet voice.

"I feel you are avoiding me." I answered quietly.

"Angel," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not mad at you one bit. I'm more angry with myself."

"Mr. Harrington! Miss James!"

I jumped on my sit startled and looked ahead at our not-so-happy teacher. "Are you done talking?" he asked sternly. "If not I can give you a detention so you can talk there freely."

"Sorry, sir." I mumbled under my breath and dropped my now bright red face, trying to ignore all the stares I was receiving. 

I looked up at Chris once I heard him chuckle beside me. He had a half smile on his lips and I was relieved to see his eyes full of adoration fix on me.

"You are too innocent." he whispered and slowly his smile faded and sadness filled his eyes. He sighed and looked away again. 

I stared at him for a few more seconds before turning to the board again. Something was definitely bothering him and I knew it had something to do with me.

Finally, the bell rang and everyone got up. Chase was quick to drag Mia outside of the class the moment the bell went off.

"Someone is a bit eager." scoffed Chris under his breath and shook his head.

"They were going to talk about themselves." I answered as I gathered my stuff.

"I know." answered Chris and looked at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

I dropped my head under his intense eyes and frowned when I saw his hurt knuckles. I gently grabbed his hand and slung my bag on my other shoulder.

"Come with me." I muttered and began to drag a confused Chris after me, ignoring all of the shocked faces and whispers.

To hell with what they wanted to think! It didn't matter to me anymore. 

Soon I found an empty class that I knew will be empty for the next period. Being the victim of bullying for a long had caused me to know almost every sanctuary I could have found to get away from my bullies.

"Angel, are you fine?" asked Chris once we were in the classroom.

"I am." I answered and gently pushed him down to sit on a desk. "But you are not. Wait here."

I then left a confused Chris there and walked to the nearest girl's restroom which was thankfully empty. I grabbed a small first aid kit that was in all of the restrooms and rushed back to the classroom.

Chris had sat exactly where I had left him, frowning and looking outside of the window. 

"Give me your hand," I said as I sat beside him and opened the kit.

"Eleanor, seriously it's nothing." he protested but gave me his hand nonetheless.

I ignored him and gently rubbled a cotton ball with disinfectant on his knuckles, making him hiss in pain slightly. 

"Mia told me what happened this morning." I said without looking up. "I'm sorry that you have to get into a fight with your friends."

"Friends." scoffed Chris. I looked up and saw him looking away with a clenched jaw. "There are no fucking friends of mine. We were stupid to even spend time with those two motherfuckers this long." 

I sighed and gently wrapped a bandage around his knuckles. "I'm sorry." I mumbled again.

I felt his warm fingers under my chin and he raised my head to look into his eyes. "Don't say it, beautiful." he said. "It was not your fault. Plus, don't think even for a second that I'm angry with you or anything near that shit. If anything, being with you makes me so calm."

I smiled at him warmly, watching him giving me one of his warm sincere smiles in return. I couldn't help but hug him tightly.

***********************************************************************************************

God! I had no control when I was around Eleanor. I couldn't help it. As she hugged me, I let go of all of my worries for a second, hugged her back tightly, and let myself enjoy having her in my arms. 

I couldn't hold myself back and at the same time guilt was eating me away. How could I make it up to this angel after all that I have done to her? Even if she was saying that she had forgiven me, I couldn't forgive myself, and looking at her was like someone was stabbing me through the chest.

Yet I desired her so bad and the thought of not having her or not seeing her was like great torture. My fucking soul was getting torn piece by piece and I should admit I deserved that hell more than anyone.

"I will pick you up after school and will drop you at the hotel." I said and kissed her head. 

She pulled away from my embrace and looked at me a bit hesitantly. "Um, actually, I was going to visit my mother." she answered. "I can go there myself."

"Then I will take you to the hospital first." I shrugged not giving up. 

"Will you come and visit my mother as well?" she asked and her eyes lit up happily. "I would like her to meet you."

"Ahhh..." I said and scratched the back of my neck nervously. Was I ready to see her mom? "I don't know, angel. Do you think it's a good idea?"

"I want mom to see you." she answered. "She has heard a few things about you. Of course, if you like. There is no compulsion."

"If that's what you want then who am I to say no?" I smiled and kissed her forehead. Just then the bell rang and I groaned. As much as it was killing me inside to see her and remember those disgusting memories, she could calm me down at the same time and at least keep me sane.

She chuckled at my annoyed face and kissed my cheek while packing the first aid kit and standing up. "I will see you in the class." she said and then ran out of the classroom we were in.

I rubbed my temples, wishing the pain that was throbbing in my head to decrease. I needed good smoking, of course, without Eleanor knowing. I stood up as well and headed out of the classroom while texting Chase.

I was just liting my first cigarette when I saw Chase striding toward me as well. His eyes were shining and he looked to be in a soooo good mood.

"Did she kiss you?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "You look so happy."

"Nah!" he scoffed and grabbed a cigarette himself. A goofy grin was playing on his lips. "She said she cares about me and wants to give us a chance. Fuck, Chris! Can you believe this? I finally have a chance. She even kissed me on the cheek. I swear my heart was jumping out of my mouth."

"Good for you." I smirked at him. I really was happy for him. For the first time since two years ago, I was seeing true happiness in his eyes and he seemed so lively.

"And I owe it to you for being with her friend." said Chase. "I can actually kiss you."

Ignoring his last mischievous remark, I only sighed and looked up at the cloudy sky and took a long drag from my cigarette.

"Man, Are you fine?" asked Chase while puffing a could of smoke outside.

"No." I groaned and rubbed my face. "I'm fucked up. I don't know what to do, Chase."

I looked up and saw Chase looking at me with a deep frown on his face. "When I saw that freshman boy this morning, the memories of all the times I had tortured Eleanor rushed to my fucking mind and it's driving me crazy." I said.

I threw the cigarette away and ran a hand desperately through my hair. "I don't know what to do, Chase." I sighed. "I like her a lot and I want to be with her all the time. At the same time, It's killing me to look into her eyes and not die of guilt. I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" asked Chase. "Everyone makes mistakes. You have admitted to your mistake and are doing your best to make mends. She has forgiven you and is willing to be with you. Why can't you accept this and let the past go?"

"Because the past is present in our souls." I answered. "Because she suffered two years of her life because of my fucking self."

"The past will remain present if you let it." said Chase calmly and put a hand on my shoulder, making me look into his sincere eyes. "You are doing your best to change, mate. Give yourself some credit. Don't make yourself lose her. You need Eleanor."

I sighed again and grabbed my bag from where I have left it on the floor. "Let's go to the class." I said to Chase. "Eleanor will kill me if she knows I was smoking."

As much as I was trying to listen to Chase's last words, the pain in my heart wouldn't leave. I was so ashamed of what I was and what I had done to Eleanor. I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes without dying of guilt, embarrassment, and hate for myself. 

"Can we stop by a flower shop before going to the hospital?" asked Eleanor as she buckled herself. 

Finally, the fucking school day had ended and we were ready to leave. I could say Eleanor was well aware that something was off about my behavior. She was more quiet and was doing her best to not look me in the eye and that was killing me more.

I loathed myself.

"Of course, we can." I smiled warmly at her and she returned slightly. "You want a bouquet of Daisies again?"

"How do you know?" she asked confused.

"The day I saw you in hospital you were carrying one." I said.

"Yes," she smiled and looked out of the window as I drove out of the school's parking. "It's her favorite flowers."

"It's not hard to guess." I said trying to lighten up the mood and was so happy to hear Eleanor's giggle.

In less than half an hour, we were standing in front of Eleanor's mother's room with a bouquet of Daisies that was in my hand. I gulped nervously and unconsciously tightened my hold on Eleanor's hand. Had Liam told their mother anything about me being Eleanor's previous bully?

"Are you fine?" asked softly and brought me out of my thoughts. I looked down at her and saw her looking at me with concern. "You shouldn't be nervous. My mother is a very kind woman. She has heard a lot from you from Liam and Daisy." 

"All good?" I asked nervously.

"Come on." she smiled reassuringly before knocking once and opening the door.

There on the bed had lied a very frail woman. She looked like Eleanor only with blond hair. But surely the sickness had done damage to her. Her face was hollow and tired and dark bags were under her eyes. Her body was so slim and she looked hardly breathing.

That was not good, not at all.