"Ah, yes. Dialogue. The topic with the most requests," the exhausted reviewer said with a sigh.

The readers glanced up, amused. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"And what's the point of this example?"

The exhausted reviewer snorted. "Well, as always, we have a good example and a bad example."

"And is this a good example, or a bad example?"

A slight pause. A brief shrug.

"Both."

"Both!?,!?...!?!?!...!!!,!?" The reader cried out, terrified, because I obviously need to point out that they are terrified and now I'm going to hurt myself by breaking all rules by writing "this is so bad." the reviewer agreed.

My gosh, that hurt my soul to write. That last paragraph... I have never cringed so hard.

Basically, this chapter is going to be all about dialogue. This includes how to write impactful dialogue, how to keep it engaging, and common errors I see. However, before we talk that talk, we better walk that walk -- and I mean

Sharing is not caring when it comes to dialogue. So, here is an incorrect example:

"Don't make me write this! It's hurting my eyes! Stop!" the Grammar Nazi cried out. "Never!" the readers replied.

And now, correct example:

"Don't make me write this! It's hurting my eyes! Stop!" the Grammar Nazi cried out.

"Never!" the readers replied.

The quotation marks are hungry and they want the punctuation marks inside them. I realise how inappropriate this can sound. I apologise. Here is an incorrect example:

"Can you please get your head out of the sewers"? Sunshine asked her readers.

"Never"! the readers replied.

And here is a correct example:

"Can you please get your head out of the sewers?" Sunshine asked her readers.

"Never!" the readers replied.

This is to indicate that the next paragraph has the same speaker speaking. Here is an incorrect example:

"Hello. Let's pretend this is a really long paragraph about my life story. You see, it actually isn't very long because my life story is not all that interesting. I read. I write. I review. I cry. I play with my dog."

"On top of all that, I like the taste of coriander."

And here is a correct example:

"Hello. Let's pretend this is a really long paragraph about my life story. You see, it actually isn't very long because my life story is not all that interesting. I read. I write. I review. I cry. I play with my dog.

"On top of all that, I like the taste of coriander."

Now, let's get into more detail, yeah? Let's think of a sentence. Something simple. No dialogue tags yet. We know the basic rules -- punctuation inside quotation marks. So, it should look like:

"I can't believe you're making me come up with examples."

That is a perfect example. The quotation marks are before the sentence starts, and after the punctuation mark.

What is a dialogue tag, you ask? A dialogue tag is that small little bit you see after dialogue that indicates who said the dialogue and how the dialogue was said. He whispered, she said, they answered, she yelled, he hissed -- these are all examples of dialogue tags, as they show how the words were spoken.

When we add a dialogue tag to our dialogue, the punctuation changes. Rather than a full-stop at the end, we have a comma instead, as the dialogue tag is what completes the sentence. It should look like this:

"I can't believe you're making me come up with examples," she said.

And since 'she' is not the start of a new sentence, it did not need to be capitalised.

In all honesty, you kind of treat a question mark like it is a comma. It should look like:

"You're making me come up with more examples? Seriously?" she asked.

There. No need to capitalise the 'she', since it's treated almost like a comma.

No need to stress! I got you covered. If the tag comes before the dialogue, you put a comma between the tag and the dialogue, but you still capitalise the first word of the dialogue -- this is because it is the first thing they spoke. It should look like:

She said, "This is not funny anymore, you know."

Oh, you're talking about body language and getting physical. You're talking about action! Since it is not talking about how the words within the dialogue are spoken, you use a period at the end of the dialogue instead of a comma (unless it's a question mark or explanation mark -- those stay the same!). Then, the first word of the body language tag is capitalised. For example:

"I'm so tired of coming up with examples. Can we stop now?" Sunshine rubbed her temples. "It's really exhausting."

"You're being dramatic." The readers reached out to slap some sense into the exhausted reviewer. "Your examples aren't even examples! They're just you complaining about writing examples."

She glared at them all. "You're not making me feel better."

Easy. It's time to summon my em dashes. It should look like this:

"I would scratch my beard"--she rubbed her hand over her chin--"but I don't have a beard."

In other words, we use the em dash outside the quotation marks, with no spaces between the words and the punctuation marks.

It's really not as complicated as it seems. Only 1000 words. Wow. Thanks, English Grammar. We love you, too.

If something isn't clear, feel free to ask or write an in-line comment with your dialogue! I'm more than happy to help you format it.

This is very important if you are foreshadowing something, or revealing something important to the reader. You need to make sure you don't forget about it. The last thing you want to do have Justin Bieber and Noodle Girl fall in love in chapter sixteen, get married, have kids, only to realise that you never actually showed the reader that Justin Bieber had told Noodle Girl his name -- rather, she magically started calling him his name without anyone telling her what it was.

It sounds ridiculous, but it's so helpful. You need to make sure the dialogue sounds real. You need to imagine that someone would actually say this. I see many examples where the author tries to make their character look clever by using sophisticated words, like, "I have superabundant affliction within my breadbasket" -- no, sweetie. You have a stomach ache. No matter how much of a genius a person is, they will not call it a 'superabundant affliction'.

Say it aloud to yourself. Make sure it sounds genuine, and not pretentious. Mind you, dialogue sound cheesy. Books romanticise dialogue a lot. But make sure it, to an extent, sounds realistic.

By saying it aloud, you will be able to note if you stumble over the words because it sounds really weird.

Cut the small-talk, unless the small-talk is foreshadowing or showing us something significant about the character. If your character is purposely stalling time, or is trying to set the mood and tone of the chapter, small-talk is fine, too. We don't need to know what your protagonist had for breakfast last week -- unless, of course, that breakfast gave them radioactive powers.

A fun bit of humour here and there is fine -- it builds character. However, make sure each bit of dialogue serves some purpose. Whether it be worldbuilding, characterisation and development, mood, or foreshadowing -- make sure it carries weight to the story.

.

Seriously. Sometimes, I see characters talking for paragraphs and paragraphs, and I get exhausted just reading it because... aren't you thirsty from all that talking? Isn't your mouth dry, Justin Bieber, after spending four paragraphs telling me about why you have locked away your heart from the world?

Keep it realistic. It should read like actual dialogue.

This is so hard to achieve. So hard. There are a few ways to do this -- for example, sentence structure. We all know about Yoda and his way of speaking that is rather interesting. Most contemporary works, of course, avoid this. Duh. Speak like Yoda, teenagers do not.

Maybe your character speaks in snappy, choppy sentences. Maybe they always need to throw in a line of sarcasm, regardless of the situation.

However, don't underestimate descriptions.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"I'm s-s-s-s-scared s-s-s-so I'm s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-stammering," he stammered.

Why write that, when you can write:

"What's your name?" she asked.

For a second, she was almost certain the poor little boy was going to cry -- his face had paled, his eyes were glassy, and his voice shook as he said, "Mummy said not to trust strangers."

Not perfect. Quite cliché. But still, good lord, no ridiculous stammering.

Slang is so great for word-building. In Shadowhunters, they make it clear that Shadowhunters have their loyalties to angels by saying, "By the Angel" as a swear. In Throne of Glass, each character seems to swear to a different god, too, which shows their loyalties as characters.

But, also, people don't say, "I will not be able to make it, Mother. I am running late." (Unless, of course, they supposed to sound posh.) Rather, they say, "I can't make it, Mum. I'm running late."

It sounds more real. It sounds genuine.

Paragraphs and paragraphs of worldbuilding in dialogue is exhausting for the reader. It's really hard to take it in. Worldbuilding should happen over time, and not be info-dumped all at once.

Things like this hurt my eyes:

He said, "I think you're cute, Noodle Girl."

She replied, "Oh, please. I know what you really want, Justin."

He grinned. "And what would that be?"

She rolled her eyes. "Let's keep this PG, shall we?"

See how every sentence had a dialogue tag, and it was in the same structure? Yeah, no. Use dialogue tags only when necessarily -- to get across a certain tone of voice, and/or to show who is speaking.

Make them shine. Use punctuation to your advantage. Use description to your advantage. Look how easily we can manipulate it below, and feel free to tell us what you think of each different Painite:

Painite One:

Sunshine waved at her friend. "Hey, Painite, what's--"

"You will never believe what I just wrote!" Painite cut in. "It was a story about dancing noodles!"

"Can I--"

Painite shoved the paper into her hands. "Here! Take a look!"

Painite Two:

Sunshine waved at her friend. "Hey, Painite, what do you have there?"

Painite glanced down at the paper in her hands -- crumpled around the edges, thousands of smudges everywhere from all the erasing. "Well, I just wrote a story about dancing noodles."

"Can I see?"

"Sure, I guess?"

Painite Three:

Sunshine waved at her friend. "Hey, Painite, what do you have there?"

Painite felt her blood turn cold.

No, no, no.

This could not be happening. She absolutely was not going to let anyone touch her manuscript. What if Sunshine stole her idea? Worse yet, what if the head reviewer tore her manuscript cleanly in two, leaving her to pick up the scraps from the ground? What if--

"Painite?"

Painite's cheeks burned as she realised that, oh god, all the readers were now staring at her.

"It's... I wrote a story about dancing noodles."

Sunshine's face lit up. "Can I have a look?"

No, you filthy little rat--

Painite's smile was ever so forced as she said, "Sure."

Painite Four:

Sunshine waved at her friend. "Hey, Painite, what do you have there?"

"A story," Painite snapped. "About dancing noodles."

"Can I see?"

Painite tossed the paper at her, rolling her eyes. "Do whatever you want with it."

Painite Five:

Sunshine waved at her friend. "Hey, Painite, what do you have there?"

"A story," Painite said, yawning. "About dancing noodles."

"Can I see?"

Painite slid the paper towards her, shrugging. "Do whatever you want with it."

... I had way too much fun with that. I probably should have sent this to Painite before publishing it, but I thought she'd see this as a pleasant surprise.

Also, Painite actually write me a story about dancing noodles for Christmas! I'll be reading that tonight, and I'm super excited.

Before you write your dialogue, know each of your character to the core. Know about how they speak, how they interact with certain people, how others interact with them, and how you plan on making them develop.

You can't go surfing without a surfboard. Make sure you know exactly whose words you are writing.

I hope this chapter helped -- especially since it's the biggest thing I end up mentioning in reviews.

As always, be sure to let us know what you want us to write about. We want this tailored to you.

Happy New Year!