As we were lying down in bed, snuggled next to each other, I battled with the questions raging in my head.

I just really have to know.

"Livie?"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you use all the money you got from selling the studio to start another one in Louisiana or get an apartment at a decent neighbourhood and..."

"Lucas..." She started to protest.

"I just want want to know. What happened to your dancing? You're good and talented and it was your dream," I said. "You loved it. It was your passion."

"Things change, Lucas," she said.

"Not your love and passion. Those two will never change."

"I had the twins and half the money was yours."

"I gave it to you."

"It was a loan."

"If you had planned on giving it back to me, why did you wait so long."

"What are you talking about Lucas? I mailed the check to you, but you sent it back..."

"You mailed it to me?"

"Uhuh," she nodded.

"I never..." I trailed off, then I realized something.

"What?" she asked.

"I had strict instructions never to accept any phone calls, mails, emails... Anything from you," I admitted.

"Oh..."

"I'm sorry, Livie."

I felt her shrug. "it's in the past," she said.

"Still. I'm sorry. No matter what you did and how angry and hurt I was, I wanted you safe. You have no idea how upset I was to found out where you were working and where you lived. With my sons, no less. To see you like that, Livie... It killed me!"

"I was fine, Lucas."

"No you were not fine. You were working all hours of everyday, while taking care of the twins. You barely had any food for yourself, and then I find out that you had all that money and you never touched it?"

"It was your money, not mine," she said stubbornly.

"But..." I started to say, but she cut me off.

"The twins were all that mattered. As long as they were happy and healthy, I was happy," she insisted.

"But Livie, you were killing yourself."

"Don't be dramatic Lucas. I wasn't killing myself."

"You lost so much wait," I pointed out.

"I was eating. It's not like I was starving myself."

"Yeah. Where? What?"

"At the diner. The coffee shop."

"Jesus, Livie!"

"Lucas, stop. It's in the past."

"And dancing?"

"What about it?" She responded nonchalantly.

"Do you want to teach dance again, and have your own studio?"

She sighed. "No. I want to focus on taking care of the twins."

"Livie..."

"Lucas, please. Just drop it, okay," she insisted.

"But..."

"Lucas, no. I don't want to!" She said vehemently. "I don't want to dance. I don't ever want to step foot in a dance studio, ever again."

"Okay. Okay. Let's not argue about this. Let's just forget about it," I said...though I had this inkling feeling that there was something more behind her refusal to talk about her dancing.

I can't stand being surrounded by large mirrors. And the smell. The smell of a dance studio makes my stomach churn.

I love to dance. Dancing was such a huge part of my life. And yes. It was my dream to have a dance studio, but things change.

Sometimes our dreams turns into a nightmare... And once that happens, there is no going back.

I splash my face with cold water.

I look up and see my reflection in the mirror.

A sob erupted in my throat. I tried to hold back, but it was too late.

I bit my lip as it trembled.

I breathed heavily trying to pull myself back together.

I gently wiped my face with a towel and headed back out to the bedroom.

"Are you okay?" Lucas asked as I walked into the bedroom.

"I'm fine."

"Livie don't do that. Don't lie to me. I know something's bothering you. Is it because I asked about your dancing and the studio?" He asked.

"Lucas I'm tired. Let's not do this okay?"

"No. Not okay. How can we fix things between us when you won't tell me what's wrong!"

"Lucas, trust me you don't want to know."

"Do you hate me so much? You won't talk to me about the past, you won't tell me what's bothering you, and you won't let me in."

"You hate me too," I replied.

He shook his head. "I already told you I don't..."

I didn't let him finish and said," No? Lucas you said and did some awful things to me. You tossed me out of your life! You looked at me with so much disdain that there wasn't a single moment when I don't remember how I felt that night."

"What did you expect, Livie? I come back from a business trip and my best friend tells me that you two slept together. I was planning on proposing to you that night, for fuck's sake! I bought you a ring, damn it!"

I snorted. "Of course. You're the victim in all this," I spat at him sarcastically.

His lips thinned and anger was shooting out of his eyes at my sarcastic response.

I know that I have to let go of the resentment and anger I feel inside, especially when I think about the past, but at this moment, I just can't.

I just have to know... "Tell me, Lucas, was there a part of you that thought maybe you made a mistake? That maybe you should have listened to me first?"

His face flushed and his look sobered. He rubbed his face with his hand. "I was betrayed by two of the most important people in my life, you being the most. How would you feel if our roles were reversed? What if it was you? What if you had found out I slept with someone else? You can't honestly tell me that you wouldn't react the way I did."

I raised my head back up and looked at him straight in the eyes, so he could see how much I mean what I'm going to say. I gave him a dejected smile, as tears filled my eyes. "See... That's the difference between you and me. I you. You are not a cheat or a liar. You're not that kind of man. Because to you, honour and trust is what matters most. That's what your grandpa taught you. And your parents too. You wouldn't do anything to disappoint them or dishonour them, by being the man they taught you not to be. A man without honour, and a man that cannot be trusted," I said.

I wiped away the tear that escaped my eye, and turned and walked away, leaving him standing there.

I watched as Livie walked out the door.

Her words hit me so hard.

She was right. I would never cheat on her, or on anyone for that matter.

Honour and trust. That is what matters most.

Her words rang in my head.

"I know you..."

"I know you..."

"I know you..."

I thought I knew her too, but she betrayed me.

Fuck.

What the hell does all this mean?

I look over to the closed door, then to the empty bed.

Sleep no were in my mind now.

I argued with myself whether I should look for Livie, but in the end I decided not to. We both need space from each other.

I decided to head to my study and have a drink instead.

The next morning, I found Livie sitting at the breakfast table.

The twins immediately called out to me when they saw me.

Livie on the other hand did her best to ignore me.

I decided to let her have the space she needs and do the same.

"Lucas, Ethan is here to see you," Gail said.

Livie stiffened.

"Send him in," I said.

"Livie..." I started to say but she interrupted me.

"I'll leave you two and the twins."

"No. Stay," I said.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she said and got on her feet and turned to leave, but before she could, Ethan walked in.

The tension was palpable.

Suddenly the room felt too small, and was filled with heaviness.

"Livie..." Ethan started to say.

"I'm leaving. Don't worry, he doesn't know anything," Livie said and left.

I frowned.

I turned to Ethan and noticed him shift uncomfortably.

"They do look exactly like you man. Even more so than in the pictures you showed me," he said, as he tried so hard to hide his uneasiness.

He walked towards the twins and smiled, and cooed at them. I could tell he was trying to change the subject, and was hoping I'd forget about Livie's comment.

I ignored his efforts.

"What does she mean by that?" I asked my brother.

"What did she mean, Ethan?" I repeated when he remained silent.

He still didn't say anything.

"Gail, will you please look after the boys. I need to speak to my brother."

"Sure," she said.

"My study. Now."

I opened the door to my study and walked inside.

Once I heard the door closed, I turned to my brother and asked him again about what Livie said.

"What did Livie mean when she said I don't know anything?"

"Luke..."

"Don't lie to me!" I growled.

"I... I knew she was pregnant," he said.

I staggered back. Did I hear him correctly?

"What did you say?"

"I went to look for her. I was so angry with her for what she did to you. You were in a bad shape Luke. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why. I found her when she was still pregnant."

"And you didn't tell me?" I asked in outrage.

"I should have. I'm sorry..."

"Yes you should have. And you're sorry? You're sorry? It didn't even cross your mind that they were mine?"

"I... I..."

"You what?"

"I told her that if they were yours, then she should tell you, if not then she should stay the hell away. I didn't want to put you through that Luke."

"That wasn't your decision to make, Ethan."

"I get that now, but she didn't come to you, so I figured they weren't yours. That's why I asked if you had a paternity test done. But then one look at the twins, there's no denying that they are yours," he said. "For all I know, she wasn't even sure if it was yours or his," he added.

I clenched my teeth...anger threatening to burst out of me.

"Sorry..." He said, as if realizing his awful last remark.

"I don't know what to say to you, Ethan," I said. "You have no idea how angry I am with you... Fuck!"

"Look, I admit it was wrong. I said some awful things to her too, but damn it Luke, I hated seeing you like that."

"I understand that you cared about me well enough to want to protect me. But the way you did it? It was wrong, Ethan. You had no right to do what you did. I'm not even going to ask you what you said to her, because judging by the way she reacted towards you and every time I say your name to her, I can tell it wasn't good," I said. "But you listen to me, Ethan. That stops now. If I ever hear you say anything bad about her again, you and I... We're going to have problems. They are my family, and I protect my family. You're my brother and nothing will ever change that, but those boys out there, and Livie, they are my life. Do you understand me?"

"Luke..."

"No! No more Ethan. I don't want to hear it. If you can't accept that then we have nothing else to talk about," I said sternly.

Ethan sighed and blew out a breath. "Are you happy?" He asked.

His question took me by surprise but I answered him truthfully. "Yes. Yes, I am." I truly am. Despite the fact that Livie and I still have issues, I really am happy because I have them with me.

Ethan nodded. "Alright. I love you Luke, and I'm truly sorry I played a part in you losing time with my nephews. If you can forgive her, then who am I not to. But it will take time, and you can't expect me not to look out for you and our family. Bottom line is that I still don't trust her fully, but I respect your decision, and I'm going to work and try my hardest in moving past all of this."

I nodded. "I need some time away from you, Ethan. This is hard to process..."

"Luke..."

"Ethan, just give me some space. What you did? It's fucking messed up!"

He nodded. "I am sorry," he said sincerely.

"I know," I simply said.

Once Ethan left, I sat and leaned back in my chair.

Ethan's admission was unexpected. I honestly don't know how to feel about all of this. He is my brother and I do love him, but what he did was wrong, and it's going to take me some time before I can move past what he did.

"If you can forgive her..." he said

Have I?

Have I forgiven her?

Yes. Yes I have.

*****

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